Work Those Invisible Dicks, Sugar Tits, Work ‘Em!

October 15, 2011 / Posted by:

That’s the spirit, Mad Mel. If you can’t get a trick to blow you before Jacuzzi, do the blowing yourself. I’ve said it before, if you can’t beat ’em, blow ’em, but Mad Mel went above and beyond by blowing and beatin’ them at the same time!

Last night in Beverly Hills, the roof of The Beverly Hilton almost cracked and exploded into space from the force of a million swollen egos when Mel Gibson, Sean Penn, Jennifer Aniston, Justin Theroux and Jodie Foster all gathered in one ballroom to honor Robert Downey Jr.’s contribution to American cinema. And by “contribution” they really mean his role in Weird Science.

After Sean Penn, Jennifer Aniston and Mel Gibson all licked on RDJ’s taint by showering him with kind words, he used his time on stage to defend his friend Mel. Oh here go hell come….

“This is my fuckin’ time. Mel and I have the same lawyer, same publicist and same shrink. I couldn’t get hired and he cast me. He said if I accepted responsibility – he called it hugging the cactus – long enough my life would take meaning and if he helped me I would help the next guy. But it was not reasonable to assume the next guy would be him.

Unless you are without sin, and if you are you are in the wrong fucking industry, you should forgive him and let him work.”

Don’t tell us what to do, RDJ….unless you’re about to tell us to nibble your nipples in a gentle manner.

The way I see it there’s three kind of people:

1. The people who won’t forgive Mel Gibson, because he’s an anti-Semitic canker sore on a dehydrated asshole and just when they start to feel like he’s changed his crusty mouth shits out another racist nugget. The glum cunt just keeps fucking up and he can’t even get a blowjob!

2. The people who have forgiven Mel Gibson and can watch his movies without seeing him as the lady-abusing, anti-Semitic canker sore on a dehydrated asshole that he really is.

3. The people who have looked under the bed, searched the cushions of their sofa, checked the back of their fridges and still can’t find one fuck to give about Mel Gibson.

Even if we were all #1 people, Mel’s dumb stupid busted ass would still be fine. The shitbag has millions and a Jacuzzi jet to keep him company for the rest of his days. RDJ should’ve saved his words for somebody who really deserves them, like his Soapdish co-star Cathy Moriarty. Now that is a bitch who really needs a major movie comeback in a big way!

Here’s more pictures from last night’s American Cinematheque Awards. I wish there was a picture of Sean Penn and Mel Gibson together. Together they would look like a wrinkly and crusty old man nutsack glistening under a tanning bed light.

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