Kim Gordon And Thurston Moore Broke Up

October 15, 2011 / Posted by:

When I first read that Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore were quitting each other romantically, my first response was to declare for myself that forever true love is a falsity (file that under: words I learned while watching Judge Judy) and we should all spend what’s ever left of our lives fucking strangers, eating pie, fucking strangers and banging our heads against the cave wall until the grim reaper chihuahua shows up to lead us to the river that takes us to the afterworld. But you know, Kim and Thursty were married for 27 years. That’s two decades and a second grader! That’s two and a half Biebers! Many people could not wake up next to the same face for 27 years. Hell, some people can’t even wake up with their own faces on, which is why they get totally different faces glued onto their front heads. (I’m not naming any names. Kim Kardashian.)

Kim and Thursty simply want a different flavor of genitals on their tongue. That’s all. They passed this break-up statement to E! News and everybody else last night:

“Musicians Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore, married in 1984, are announcing they have separated. Sonic Youth, with both Kim and Thurston involved, will proceed with its South American tour dates in November. Plans beyond that tour are uncertain. The couple has requested respect for their personal privacy and does not wish to issue further comment.”

So, that shit also makes it sound like they might be fucking done professionally too. Oh well, 30 years is a long ass time for a band to be together and that is a great accomplishment. Yes, that is my new line for everything. Me to the mirror this afternoon after I eat a Big Mac and 6-piece McNugget: “Oh, Michael don’t be so hard on yourself. For the past 6 days, you didn’t give in to the wishes of the devil by eating McDonald’s. That is a great accomplishment for you. You had a good run…..and now you have the runs.

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