If you’re like me and you’ve got time and no more brain cells to kill, moan through the commercial and watch this mess of a video from UsWeekly of Ashton Kutcher’s one-night lady love Sara Leal talking about the special night when the cherubs cooed, roses blew out the sweet scent of love and Demi Moore’s husband stuck his unwrapped douche stick into her poon. Sara says the same crap she said in the print interview but this time she says it to the camera and the effect is something special. The soft lighting that makes her look like an innocent sweet demure angel, the rented house, the casual pose on a grassy knoll like she’s starring in an ad campaign for Coldwater Creek…. It all works for me.
I mean, this bareback bitch is going on about how she would’ve never screwed on Ashton if she knew he was still Demi and they scatter in shots of her awkwardly smiling and giving us bland come hither looks under a tree while she keeps her legs closed FOR ONCE! If this whole “fucking married celebrity men for a tabloid check” thing doesn’t work for her, she has an amazing career ahead of her in karaoke video modeling. She look so damn bored. I guess they told her to recreate the emotions she felt when Ashton raw dog dicked her.
This almost looks like an infomercial for a new product called Slutvitra. You know, it’s for the douchebag celebrity husband who is too full of chicken shit to dump his wife himself. So he takes some Slutvitra and before you know it’s there a 4-page scandalous expose in a tabloid magazine and the deed is done for him. He gets the free publicity and now everyone will really think he’s the new Charlie Sheen (he’s not).