So I’m over at Towleroad and I come across this bright shining headline that made the pores on my thighs let out a simultaneous YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEESSSS! Glenn Beck is finally answering all of ours calls by putting out a clothing line for teabaggers. Now, I didn’t read the statement since usually everything that comes out of Glenn Beck’s mouth sounds like a vagina bawling into a rubber Barbie face to me and I was really too busy screaming at the upcoming winter winds that they aren’t going to give me frozen thighs this year!
Think about it. Don’t you just hate it when you’re out in “the field,” dunking your bags in a trick’s mouth and you suddenly see a flashing flashlight coming from yonder. You gotta undunk and then run your almost bare ass out onto the street while pulling your jeans up over your cold thighs. It’s the worst and will ruin your night. Don’t even ask me, “But Michael, why don’t you just push your goods out through the zipper hole?” Are you serious? And don’t even ask me to wear button fly. But I don’t need to now that Glenn Beck’s teabagger clothing line is almost here!
It’s probably going to look something like this:
But you know, the trapdoor will be in the front instead. It will also be fastened with Velcro and there will be two tiny trapdoors since sometimes you just want to dunk one nut instead of the whole pot. Even if you don’t play outdoors, Glenn Beck’s teabagger pants will come in handy when you’ve got a hardcore itch on your crotch ball that can’t be killed with an over-the-pants scratch.
I don’t know if America will thank Glenn Beck, but I know plenty of nutsacks and thighs that will.