Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

October 12, 2011 / Posted by:

This former A list female singer and now still a great singer, but more of a hot disheveled mess with lots of money to burn would be a more accurate description. Our singer has been partying a lot. She knows she parties and she knows she has way too much to drink many nights of the week. Since her significant other is not any better about partying and can’t trust him to save her if she starts to die during the night, she has a baby monitor that she takes with her wherever she goes. One goes in her room and one goes in the room of her bodyguard. Always. She leaves them on 24 hours a day just in case she forgets to turn it on before she goes to sleep. So, the various bodyguards that have come into her life the past six months or so have heard everything from the craziest loudest fights to the craziest loudest sex, to the craziest loudest snoring from a woman that has ever been heard. (CDAN)

Reading this blind item fills me with the same kind of dread an all-you-can-eat potato bar at a club feels when a certain Mouseketeer comes stomping in with her smudge-free eatin’ lipstick on, so it has to be Xtina? But “die during the night“? What part of the game is that? Is she afraid she’s going to choke on the toxic slobber of red lipstick that drips down her throat when she open mouth snores? Is she afraid that she’ll sleepdrink way too many bowls of Drunken Gummy Bears in the middle of the night?

And why do I have a feeling that her crazy sex hollers sound just like her crazy snore snorts?

He’s been cheating on Wifey since before they were even married, so no one – including Wifey – should be surprised that he continued after they got married. While there’s been lots of media coverage of the public information, here’s what’s really going on behind the scenes of this celebrity couple:

1. Don’t read too much into those reports of the couple acting like they are trying to work things out. These appearances are staged so that Wifey can say that she desperately tried to keep the marriage together through faith and prayer and counseling. She is determined to come out of this looking like the good guy.
2. Wifey has already hired a divorce attorney.
3. Wifey also has a history of extra-marital activities. However, since she played by the rules and kept her affairs quiet and private, they probably won’t play a part in this split.
4. No matter how intense the scrutiny gets for Hubby, he just can’t control his urges. In fact, he spent time with his mistress this past week.
5. Wifey has been compiling lots of evidence of Hubby’s extracurricular activities. The best evidence is coming from one of his former mistresses. Yes, there is a sex tape! When you think about it, it’s really quite ironic. Live by the hidden camera, die by the hidden camera… (Blind Gossip)

Will Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore put the tabloids (and everybody else) out of their misery and Tweet their 140 character-long divorce decree already?! Dumi can keep the red string if AssStain gets more visitation rights with the Twitter bird.

This divorced blonde film star smoked and drank her way through her first pregnancy, and then did the same thing during her recent second pregnancy! The actress, who’s engaged to her new baby-dad­dy, is so nicotine-addicted that she began puffing away minutes after giving birth! Who is she? (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)

Kate Hudson? Exhibit: A

I bet when they barbecued the placenta later, it tasted like wine-braised beef. But look at this way, if your parents were those two you might appreciate a small drink every now and again.

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