Who Should Be In Lifetime's All-Black Remake Of Steel Magnolas?
Sometimes I Google "Steel Magnolia cast photos" and go through all the pictures from community theater productions and try to guess who played which character. (Yes, I played by myself in the garage a lot as a child.) So obviously, Steel Magnolias holds a special place in the battered and beaten treasure box that lies in the empty well that is my soul and I should be barfing out armadillo cake chunks through my eyes over the news that they are remaking a masterpiece classic for fucking BASIC CABLE, but I'm not. This is either going to be a Frigidaire full of YES or Lifetime is totally going to screw this shit up.
And off the top of my brain, here are just some possibilities for each role. You can also title this list as: Why Michael K is not a casting director in Hollywood.
M'Lynn (the one Sally Field played) - Viola Davis or Audra McDonald
Truvy (the one Dolly Parton played) - Jackee Harry, Jill Scott, Mo'Nique or Loretta Devine
Ouiser (the one Shirley MacLaine played) - Dionne Warwick. The end. Done. Draw up the contract, hussy!
Annelle (the one Daryl Hannah played) - Thandie Newton, Kimberly Elise or Naturi Naughton.
Clairee (the one Olympia Dukasis played) - Detective La Toya (I'm SERIOUS!), Phylicia Rashād or Alfre Woodard
Shelby (the one Julia Roberts played) - I have no idea. Joy Bryant? Yaya?
Drum (the one Tom Skerritt played) - Sheree Whitfield.
I don't even know why we're bothering. You know Lifetime is going to put Tyler Perry and Martin Lawrence in a room together and ask them to divide up the roles between them. We're fucked.
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Submitted by stefystef on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 8:39pm.
Who the hell was asking for this movie to be re-made???
I don't give a shit the race of the cast, I care that we are getting another unwanted remake from a very lazy and boring Hollywood.
..............
this.
Here's my ideal casting:
M'Lynn (the one Sally Field played) - Tyler Perry
Truvy (the one Dolly Parton played) - Tyler Perry
Ouiser (the one Shirley MacLaine played) - Tyler Perry
Annelle (the one Daryl Hannah played) - Tyler Perry
Clairee (the one Olympia Dukasis played) - Tyler Perry
Detective La Toya (I'm SERIOUS!)- Tyler Perry
Shelby (the one Julia Roberts played) - Tyler Perry
Drum (the one Tom Skerritt played) - Tyler Perry
"My personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair."
I would probably watch this for the train wreck, but I will hate it.
this is sickening and i just barfed up brekkie
Submitted by grapesoder on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 6:43pm.
What's really dumb is that there are so many original projects that could be made with an all black cast, yet the studios do this.
My thoughts exactly.
But I don't care either way. I hated the original, and do not identify with the story on any fathomable level, so they can remake it with paper people for all I care.
tyler perry & eddie murphy can play 'em all
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
how about not making a remake at all? can't hollyweird come up with something original anymore?
There has to be an all-tranny cast in order for this to work.
Steel Magnolias is perfect as-is; no remake needed. Sacrilege!
However, if there's nothing we can do to derail this crazy train, here are my casting suggestions:
Regina Taylor needs to be in the cast, as well as S. Epatha Merkerson. Phylicia Rashad & Alfre Woodard too. And Bernie Mac would have been perfect as Drum; Courtney B. Vance strikes me as too serious for Drum's antics. Don Cheadle could pull it off in a heartbeat, but he's probably too big a star for this.
And don't let Tyler Perry anywhere near this; his fuckery would ruin any chance the remake might have of being half-decent.
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"... a wail that sounds like a deaf cat in heat getting DPed while jumping on a trampoline during an earthquake."
Unless Kweeeen on the Scene plays Ouiser, I'm not watching.
No, no, no. Leave Steel Magnolias alone. Enough with all these remakes. Doesn't anyone in Hollywood have original ideas anymore?
i want to see more black folks in movies that i would go and see, but this remake is so unnecessary...leave "steel magnolias" alone...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
More remakes that come to mind... It, Beetlejuice, Point break, Dirty Dancing, Short Circut, and Straw Dogs. It doesn't pay to b original nowadays
I'm sure that hideously ugly Fantasia will try to get up in all this - she'll want to be Shelby. If not, I'm sure Beyonce will make Jay Z buy her the part.
I'm going to give this the green light only if they make a white Poetic Justice and cast me in it as Janet. Because dammit, I was born to utter the immortal lines:
'Aesha, is my butt too big?' and 'You want to smell my punani?'
Who shall be my Tupac?
i love steel magnolias. i do not like re-makes. this movie does not need a remake, no matter who they have acting in it. same with footloose. that shit is blasphemy.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
Oops, double post, but Khandi Alexander DOES have to be in this mix somewhere.
Very good choices, Mikey, except for Audra McDonald as M'Lynn - she's much too young for the role. I'd go with Angela Bassett first.
As for Shelby: Jordin Sparks? Rutina Wesley? Thingy, Alicia Keys? One of the ten thousand Disney girls?
I dunno; I might like this. Oh, and I think S. Epatha Merkerson should be someone - maybe Truvy or Clairee?
Idris Elba as Bond?! *swooooon*
Man is hawt!
Submitted by Bjork You on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 9:34pm.
I love that Judi Dench is the new M.
bambam, oh my god, "In Like Flint." I used to watch that mess on the 4:30 Movie on ABC. He had such cool movies in those over-the-top sexist action romps. These two other kids and I used to watch them and nicknamed one Ahmed Flint. Don't ask. Anyway...
Idris Elba needs to redeem himself for that Beyonce vehicle "Obsessed." (He was great on "The Office"; I loved his scenes with Dwight.)
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Wow, there's a scene in In Like Flint where the villians reveal the president is an imposter played by an actor and Flint says incredulously, "An actor as the president?" I was too young to remember if that was some inside joke but this was 1967. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Gawd I love this movie, he is too cool for words. He talks to dolphins for chrissakes.
"...Steel Magnolias holds a special place in the battered and beaten treasure box that lies in the empty well that is my soul and I should be barfing out armadillo cake chunks through my eyes over the news that they are remaking a masterpiece classic for fucking BASIC CABLE,.." -Mk
LMFAOO. This. Thx MK
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Bugs Bunny 'What's Opera, Doc?"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI (Beginning portion)
Dre,Eminem, Skylar- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e
Submitted by bambam on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 9:24pm.
Hell if they make Idris Elba the next Bond I might start actually watching them. That man is beyond sexy.
Like I said before for me this isn't a black/white/color issue this is I am tired of all the remakes and this one doesn't need to be touched.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
I love that Judi Dench is the new M.
bambam, oh my god, "In Like Flint." I used to watch that mess on the 4:30 Movie on ABC. He had such cool movies in those over-the-top sexist action romps. These two other kids and I used to watch them and nicknamed one Ahmed Flint. Don't ask. Anyway...
Idris Elba needs to redeem himself for that Beyonce vehicle "Obsessed." (He was great on "The Office"; I loved his scenes with Dwight.)
Submitted by Granny Clampett on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 7:02pm.
I think they should remake Steel Magnolias with drag queens.
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Hahahahaha!!! Love it!! :)
Submitted by electrique on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 8:15pm.
Submitted by Bjork You on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 7:38pm.
Um, you know that Hollywood, does all-white or nearly all white versions of foreign films, right? Off the top of my head, "The Grudge," "Dark Water," and countless other Asian films, to name one continent. So what's the big tdeal?
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Girl, why are you trying throw logic to these dumbfucks. Someone compared remaking this to remaking The Color Purple with an all white cast.
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I know, hence my suggestion regarding "Mandingo."
Submitted by Karen Flatts on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 9:23pm.
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Oh so it must be sacred or something, right? Really, this is much ado about nothing, nothing at all.
Watching In Like Flint with James Coburn. Can't remake him.
Submitted by bambam on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 9:18pm.
Who gives a hoot anyway about this? Damn, people copy off each other since forever. Big meh on this one.
If you really want something to bitch and moan about, I heard Daniel Craig will do one last James Bond film and the next Mr. Bond may Idris Elba. How about that?
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mmmmm hmm I wouldn't mind that...Idris Elba is sexypants. But I'm not a Bond purist so what would I know. imo as long as he looks good in a tux, wins a billion dollars at blackjack, kills an absurdly high amount of Russian and/or Chinese villains, and fucks a lot of hot models during the movie, he should be alright.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
They should all be played by Eddie Murphy.
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Eazy E's own prescription for "nourishing the inner aspect", Nutz On Ya Chin.
Submitted by bambam on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 9:18pm.
Who gives a hoot anyway about this? Damn, people copy off each other since forever. Big meh on this one.
If you really want something to bitch and moan about, I heard Daniel Craig will do one last James Bond film and the next Mr. Bond may Idris Elba. How about that?
Actually, I'd love to see a black James Bond.
The movie was based on a book, which was based on a true story. But who gives two shits that a young man wrote that book to honor his dead sisters memory and the support and love shown by the women around her, right? Because my God, it's no COLOR PURPLE!
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 5:00pm.
Karen Flatts is always a cunt
Who gives a hoot anyway about this? Damn, people copy off each other since forever. Big meh on this one.
If you really want something to bitch and moan about, I heard Daniel Craig will do one last James Bond film and the next Mr. Bond may Idris Elba. How about that?
ETA: The Thing, 3 Musketeers, The Killer Elite, just three remakes that come to mind this year.
The movie is perfect as it is. It does not need to be remade. So sick and tired of remakes. Can't Hollywood come out with something new and original?
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Oprah, Gayle, Wendy Williams, Mo'nique, Wanda Sykes & Whoopie. Mix and serve on BET.
NO MORE REMAKES!!!
All-Black Remake Of Steel Magnolas? Angelina Jolie has to be in it!
Who the hell was asking for this movie to be re-made???
I don't give a shit the race of the cast, I care that we are getting another unwanted remake from a very lazy and boring Hollywood.
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All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11
Gabrielle Union as Shelby.
Jackee as Truvy--YES! YES! YES!
Tyler Perry in drag as Sally Field's character
Eddie Murphy in drag as Daryl Hannah's character
Nene as Clarisse
Whitney Houston as Weezer
Submitted by Bjork You on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 7:38pm.
Um, you know that Hollywood, does all-white or nearly all white versions of foreign films, right? Off the top of my head, "The Grudge," "Dark Water," and countless other Asian films, to name one continent. So what's the big tdeal?
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Girl, why are you trying throw logic to these dumbfucks. Someone compared remaking this to remaking The Color Purple with an all white cast.
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 8:03pm.
All-white "Dolemite" remake!! It's gonna happen, people!!
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Oh my god, "Dolemite," that fat-ass fool. I still remember her big-ass pushing against that polyester. I saw parts of some Jewish version of a 1970s blaxpoitation pic starring that ugly guy Adam Goldberg. It wasn't very funny.
Is there a part for Sheree Whitfield of She by Sheree?
Submitted by beakers bitch on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 7:52pm.
Glad you liked it. Flight of the Conchords also did a good parody of Lord of the Rings called Froto, don't wear the ring; and a great Bowie parody, and of course Business Time - which is an ode to Barry White!
All-white "Dolemite" remake!! It's gonna happen, people!!
Submitted by lovelylaney on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 7:35pm.
Hahaha! That's awesome. I love how he just casually strolls off frame after his angry dance.
Hey, what about that designer, Sheree Whitfield of She by Sheree. Remember that she was taking acting lessons?
"Ouiser (the one Shirley MacLaine played) - Dionne Warwick. The end. Done. Draw up the contract, hussy!"
THE ANSWER.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by Bjork You on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 7:38pm.
HAHA Yes, forgot about that epi of Strangers.
By the way, your avi is actually my favorite clip from the series. Jerri smokes pot with that chick and the chick asks her what do you see Jerri and they show this flaming skull and Jerri says, nothing! LOLs always when I see that.
Um, you know that Hollywood, does all-white or nearly all white versions of foreign films, right? Off the top of my head, "The Grudge," "Dark Water," and countless other Asian films, to name one continent. So what's the big deal?
Remember the "Strangers with Candy" episode where Flatpoint High does a production of "A Raisin in the Sun," and Jerri auditions for and wins the role of Mama? Genius.
The whole episode:
http://www.comedycentral.com/full-episodes/strangers-with-candy/103-drea...
Submitted by beakers bitch on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 7:18pm.
I haven't even read a single thing about Footloose because it's one of my 80s teenage treasures and no one will ever tarnish it! :)
I mean SJP is in it as the ugly friend of Lori Singer (hello, where's her career?), and a hot at the time Chris Penn, and OMG so many film flubs. My twin bro and I watched it on VHS when it came out one snow day a dozen times in a row and caught all the flubs! Best one is Chris Penn dancing on what appears to be grass, but is clearly a spring board! :P Not to mention the great John Lithgow! How can you remake a movie that has John Lithgow in it. Geesh.
Flight of the Conchords even parodied Kevin Bacon's famous angry factory dance. Brett was awesome in it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMjgSkfQPSY
Enjoy :) Funny as hell.
The only thing from that movie that left a mark in my brain was that damn Armadillo cake! The red fleshy inside grossed me out.
I'm curious about what the cake is going to be this time (maybe a really disgusting baby shower placenta one, dunno)
Nigella and Jamie ain't got shit on Titli !
http://titlisbusykitchen.com/
There must be a role for the Lady Chabliss and Flip Wilson's Geraldine. Is Nipsy Russell still alive? And