I like necklaces. I sometimes like shawls. I do not like it when necklaces and shawls take their casual friendship to a nightmare level by making a BABY!!!! Necklaces and shawls should not make babies together. Those bitches should not procreate! This was proven on last night’s episode of The Real Plasticwives of Beverly Hills when Adrienne Maloof popped up on my TV screen with a thick strand of hot pink fuckery wrapped around her neck. It took me a few blinks and a few loads of wine to the throat to realize that it wasn’t a pair of cardigan sleeves trying to swallow a Santa Fe door knocker. IT WAS A SHAWL NECKLACE!
Hot pink shawl necklaces should only be worn by She-Ra’s glittery gay horse Swiftwind and should never be worn by wealthy women who have faces like a rubber Ron Perlman from Beauty and the Beast.
I couldn’t even fully dip into the scene where Brand Analglandville proclaimed her proud slutiness as Kim Richards tweaked out like a silkie chicken on homemade uppers, because my eyes were still cringing from looking at the chunky shawl vomit on Adrienne’s neck. The Jooree world’s answer to CROCS has finally been found. Now let’s kill it with fire.