BUMPDATE: Beyonce's Rep Responds To The Fake Bump Rumors
Last night I spent a good couple of hours reading the comments on here and on other blogs to see what kind of conspiracy theories you tinfoil wig-wearing hos came up with to explain Beyonce's fold-away bump. That shit is priceless.
Someone said that Jay-Z probably knocked up some groupie trick 5 months ago and there must not be a stain on The House of Dereon, so Beyonce's pulling a Bree Van de Kamp and pretending to be pregnant. The groupie is living in the basement under Basement Baby's basement and when she gives birth, Beyonce will sweep in, collect the child and throw a stack of gold coins at the ho. Somebody else (who obviously is too reasonable for the internet) said that it's just the dress playing tricks on us. And another theory is that Beyonce isn't naturally showing that much, so she strapped on a booster bump to look bigger for publicity reasons. I could dribble out a thousand more theories, but you should really read them for yourselves. Just bring up any blog that posted this mess and read away. It makes for better toilet reading than the back of a lube bottle does.
I never thought that Beyonce would ever spread her weave wings and float down from her rocking high horse to address this foolery, but she has. Sort of! The rumor made it all the way to ABC News and they asked her rep about this and the response was:
“Stupid, ridiculous and false.”
Wait. Is the rep saying "ridiculous and false" to the rumors or is she saying that Beyonce is "ridiculous and false" for wearing a House of Dereon memory foam bump? THE MYSTERY CONTINUES (not really)!!!!
Her teeth and his face make for one hideous creature...don't get me started on her feet....
I really hope this woman is not faking it. You don't have to be pregnant to know that a) pregnant woman do not lean forward when they sit down and b)a pregnant belly should not collapse and change shape like that. I hope she's not crazy enough to pull a phantom pregancy. Thats some soap opera shit! If anything I bet she's just trying to get us to believe that she's further along than she is by padding her stomach. Why? Because she's an attention whore and always will be. Nothing about her has ever been real or genuine but I don't think she'd go as far as a fake pregnancy.
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"Wench place it down as if it were ablaze" - Shakespeare telling a woman to drop it like it's hot
She is so weird, I agree that she is preggo but wants to look (more?) preggo. Nonetheless I find it suspect that she isn't all bloated like.
I don't get the concept of wanting to exaggerate the pregnancy belly. When I was pregnant I tried to hide it as much as possible because if you're pregnant people know you had sex and to me that is embarrassing.
Don't judge me, I was raised catholic, okay?
Laughing SO hard at "the groupie is living in the basement under Basement Baby's basement." OMG. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
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Devil's advocate.
Submitted by the_hot_chick on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 8:36pm.
Just "ew."
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
fake ass mason bitch. im sorry this is all a fake. her marriage,he pregnancy,everything. shes a fucking actress!
Maybe shes claiming to be further along but in actuality will have it a month earlier so the medias not unto their shit...thats my theory
Fake. Day two consensus still upholds day one of this fuckery.
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Bugs Bunny 'What's Opera, Doc?"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI (Beginning portion)
Dre,Eminem, Skylar- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e
Her stomach was as fake as the busted weaves she wears. And her rep could have at least had a better explanation ie it was a padded maternity dress or something like that.
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"I haven't set fire to her since Thursday"-Paul Verlaine Total Eclipse
Pregnant bellies don't collapse. Period. Either she is exaggerating the size of her belly with a prosthetic, or she is faking it. Either way, it's a stupid thing to do.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
"Submitted by skabazzle on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 1:06pm.
Well aren't you just carrying around a big bag of nothing!"
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I think your signature describes this situation quite nicely!
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"I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done." -Lucille Ball-sy
Submitted by Grace Disful on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 7:24pm.
This is a tough one. I'm struggling between wondering why ANY woman who already has her own money would want to procreate with Jay-Z, and figuring that the pregnancy must be real, because Beyonce could just as easily cause a stir by adopting a child.
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Beyawnce couldn't adopt. Her middle-aged husband wants an official, biological heir, and adopting would cause fertility speculation.
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An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
The answer is very simple...Beyonce show us some twitpics on Titter. Bump or no bump. God I've spent too much time on this already!
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 8:19pm.
ha ha ha! Somebody's wardrobe stylist is in for one hell of a bitchslapping for not pinning that foam baby bump on proppa, Christian Bale style. Or Naomi Campbell style. This malfunction is UNFORGIVABLY escandalo!
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Teehee! I can just hear the "You'll never work in this town again!" speech.
ha ha ha! Somebody's wardrobe stylist is in for one hell of a bitchslapping for not pinning that foam baby bump on proppa, Christian Bale style. Or Naomi Campbell style. This malfunction is UNFORGIVABLY escandalo!
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
There was something really odd about the way they announced their pregnancy.....on the red friggin carpet???!! That alone makes me think this all for publicity.
Bitch was caught in a lie--pure and simple.
So fucking disturbing, really.
Dont worry everyone, Beyonce has rang the surrogate and everything is going according to plan.
Now if only beyonce can manage not to fuck up the fake bump, all will be good.
amateur bitch, cant even wear a baby bump correctly, WATCH how nicole kidman did it you dumb bitch.
would beyonce even allow Jay Z to j in her c? Thats how deep my investigation goes.
LMA, Ha! Yeah I can't imagine them doing the secks together either.
This is a tough one. I'm struggling between wondering why ANY woman who already has her own money would want to procreate with Jay-Z, and figuring that the pregnancy must be real, because Beyonce could just as easily cause a stir by adopting a child.
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
Submitted by lovelylaney on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 6:43pm.
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 4:36pm.
Beyonce...the gig is UP! Tis time for a "tragic miscarriage", ie, return that Memory Foam pillow to Jay Z and Larry Johnson's bedroom please!
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HAHA there was so much of that on SandraRose that I read, Larry Johnson and the hamburgler. TOO funny.
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Yesss...something in the weave ain't clean with this trio!
Not sure if anyone posted this yet, but i'm watching Boardwalk Empire, and Spaz de la Horchata is naked (naturally) and she has a really believable baby bump. If Bey's looking for a hook up, she knows who to call!
Oh well, that response will make any speculation stop. I mean there is no way a Knowles could have any down low baby situation, is there?
Bitch please.
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Honestly Officer...
Submitted by K2 on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 6:44pm.
hahaha. good one.
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
I am strangely obsessed with this hilariously awful topic. my gut (which is full of food babies, no padding required) tells me she's padding for dramatic effect. ita with jerseygirl17. (jersey represent!)
unemployed bum, sorry for your loss. it does seem like everyone is knocked up.
*Whoopie cushion under the dress ... shit deflates when you sit down *
I dont even want to believe that these celebs actually find it necessary to fake getting knocked up ... but what other reason is there for the disappearing belly. And the PR bitch didnt even give a reasonable explanation!
oops must have hit post twice.
She must have the nice foam one that's thin, like a hat, and comfortable to wear even when its hot. Fills the dress out nicely and moves with your body, just like the falsies in your bra do. They probably come in 3 sizes, the last one has the outtie belly button.
Pregnancies are PR gold, better than weddings really because when they're over you hand the kid to the nannies and pull them out for photo ops.
Submitted by unemployed_bum on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 1:57pm.
I'm an evil cunt bitch for saying this, but I'm kind of enjoying the heckling against Beyonce. To me she fits in with the whole clan of Hollywood bizznitches that all got pregnant around the same time and had to start announcing/flaunting it like a week after my son was stillborn. I mean like one right after another!
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So sorry for your loss. That's heartbreaking. My condolences.
I don't know. Lady Gaga had fake shoulder spikes and alien horns coming out of her face.
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But were they REALLY fake?
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 4:36pm.
Beyonce...the gig is UP! Tis time for a "tragic miscarriage", ie, return that Memory Foam pillow to Jay Z and Larry Johnson's bedroom please!
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HAHA there was so much of that on SandraRose that I read, Larry Johnson and the hamburgler. TOO funny.
Beyonce is a fucking normal person who happens to sing. Why is she being revered? Who gives a rat's ass if she and her fugly husband got a baby. And no bitch, a baby in your tummy doesnt collapse like a foam pillow when you bend over. Then again, thisis the women who has fake hair (read wigs) worth a million in her closet.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
MK was right about one thing: this shit is priceless.
Y'all better stop talkin' 'bout Beyjovah. That Illuminati baby's gonna have all y'all as his/her/its subjects.
Baby bumps do not fold.
*mother of three*
Fake foam bump under the dress; latex prosthetic on the beach.
She's probably got a surrogate. She doesn't want to lose her body, or be out of work.
Coping to a surrogate would raise fertility questions (about her, her husband, or both); suggest (perhaps) that she is older than she claims; call into question paternity and/or maternity; start rumors that the child was Jz's by another woman. Finally, there would be those who, like me, would guess the truth (mentioned above): that she's superficial, and doesn't want to lose her body to have a baby or be out of work.
She doesn't want to deal with any of the rumors (or have some stumble onto the truth), so she's wearing a bump.
Like I mentioned in the original post: I would have believed that she was pregnant and using the fake bump for drama, but the Feb due date is too soon for how far along she's supposed to be.
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An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
I feel sorry for all these celebs that have to live such fake lives. Fake hair, fake tits, fake tans, fake teeth, fake eyelashes, fake children, fake drama...sucked/spanxed/filled in, pulled tight, propped up, posing hard, showing the best side of the sessy face in the best lighting...and then even after that, making sure all the imperfections are photoshopped away...it makes me feel tired and depressed to observe.
I revel in my freedom to live a genuine life, as my true self, imperfections and all. To me, that's the only way to live. I wouldn't trade with Beyonce in a million years.
Submitted by christine the hoff: "I think she's pregnant, her ego's too big to cop to another woman's pregnancy."
EXACTLY what I was thinking. They both have big egos. Hell, she did a song about it. But.Seriously.Folks (sorry BSF)---> That is a dress jacket she's wearing. It happened to flap in the HD wind, which made it appear as a fold.
**We're American, we don't quit just because we're WRONG, we just keep doing the wrong thing until it turns RIGHT!
I'm not saying she's not pregnant but those bikini pics looked like a food baby to me.
Sincerely,
Alana Smithee
Submitted by Slutleena on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 4:52pm.
I just wish she would go and just BE still. Not everything in this world needs to be sold to the media. She needs to sit her ass down and enjoy her pregnancy and stop trying to be the end all be all of everything in the entertainment business
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word.
I just wish she would go and just BE still. Not everything in this world needs to be sold to the media. She needs to sit her ass down and enjoy her pregnancy and stop trying to be the end all be all of everything in the entertainment business.
Sincerely,
Alana Smithee
Submitted by babybunny on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 3:01pm.
*raises hand* BE is not complete unless spaz is nekkid in @ least one scene.
beyonce could do the demi pose on vanity fair or any other mag using a prosthetic & we would never know.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Beyonce...the gig is UP! Tis time for a "tragic miscarriage", ie, return that Memory Foam pillow to Jay Z and Larry Johnson's bedroom please!
who cares it will look like a pumpkin nobody cares about other peoples kids i cant stand her or Mariah Carey people who glue on hair are freaks
That describes Beyonce perfectly!
*A real baby bump is as firm as a basketball*
Why so pissed, Bey? If the story is, indeed, "stupid, ridiculous and false" (and who knows, maybe it is), I'd be much more impressed if your rep had responded by saying, "Beyonce doesn't have a comment yet because she's still cracking up. Seriously, you people are *priceless*! Who makes this stuff up?"
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This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 1:33pm.
Dog: I took MK's advice and read some of the comments on other blogs and the one I think makes sense is she has a surrogate so she won't mess up her body but she doesn't want anyone to know.
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I like this story too. A lesser form of this narcissism is the "scheduled cesarean section" (due to a lack of integrity).
She's so vain, she's probably using a surrogate. Besides her thighs already reach epic proportions. Those things would be out of control if she got even fatter.
Michael, Michael, Michael: it's tinfoil WEAVES, bitch, tinfoil WEAVES!
Umemployed_bum: I'm so sorry.