Escandaloso: Beyonce's Bump Magically Folds In Half On TV
Sandra Rose posted these hilarious screen shots from Beyonce's appearance on Sunday Night HD last night and as she sits down for the interview the holy skin cocoon protecting the unborn golden child completely collapses. HAHA. Sandra says that ever since Beyonce pulled the ultimate STUNT QUEEN move by unveiling her bump in dramatic queen fashion at the VMAs, conspiracy theorists have been whispering on the Internet that she's faking it and Basement Baby's afro is the one carrying her baby and will give birth to it in February. I grew up thinking that Dynasty was real life, so I love scandalous shit like this, but let me throw out a few theories as to what's really going on.
1. The unborn golden child is so special that it can only grow in Beyonce's butt.
2. The unborn golden child is so special that Beyonce has to wear a protective pad to keep it safe.
3. This is just marketing for House of Dereon's new line of memory foam bumps.
4. Nicole Kidman wasn't available when Beyonce asked if she could give her private lessons on how a skilled professional wears a pillow baby to perfection.
5. This is completely natural and I have no idea what I'm talking about (as usual) since I've only been pregnant with whoopie pie babies that later became poop babies.
6. Stealyonce strikes again and stole this idea from Desperate Housewives!
And here's the video of Beyonce's bump in motion. Yeah, I didn't know J.R. Ewing became Australian either.
See, something in the amniotic fluid ain't creole! Somebody get MythBusters on the case!
(Thanks to everybody who sent this in)
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Submitted by Madam Pince on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:35pm.
Given all the fear she evinced when Basement Baby gave birth -- apparently seeing a baby emerge from a babymaker was too much for the House of Dereon to deal with -- I wouldn't at all be surprised if BB has been called in to carry the Golden Child.
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Basement Baby is too busy carrying the yellow banana.
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Actually Spoiled, mathwise April to January sounds about right.
Okay, found a Beyonce bikini picture and hosted it on tinypic (source was a bit questionable and I'll be damned if I link something here that has a virus..HA)
http://i56.tinypic.com/141k4uh.jpg
Isn't she only a few months along? Strange she would be showing that much in the first place. I always thought you blew up around month 6 or 7 Certainly not month 4.
Creole does not mean a person of French and Native American descent, but a person of French and Spanish descent. Later the term Louisiana Creole came to mean a person of mixed race whose black ancestors came from the West Indies as opposed to Africa.
Given all the fear she evinced when Basement Baby gave birth -- apparently seeing a baby emerge from a babymaker was too much for the House of Dereon to deal with -- I wouldn't at all be surprised if BB has been called in to carry the Golden Child.
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"... a wail that sounds like a deaf cat in heat getting DPed while jumping on a trampoline during an earthquake."
Submitted by Spoiled on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:28pm.
Agreed, Katie Holmes got knocked up in April 2005 and Suri was actually born in January 2006:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,160192,00.html
They dragged the pregnancy out to give her a more plausible birthdate.
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Where's the problem with those dates? You are actually pregnant for 40 weeks, which is about 10 months, so if Katie got pregnant in mid to late April then January sounds like a plausible due date to me.
I don't know what is going on for sure (not pregnant at all; pregnant but using padding for some strange reason). But I *can* guarantee you that no way is #5 a possibility -- there is nothing "natural" going on in these pictures.
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"And 9/11 ain't nothing compared to what's happening on the buffet line at Sizzler." MK
Submitted by ponchiks on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:27pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:22pm.
Getting up afterwards is even more fun.
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Both kids sat on my sciatica, getting up from the sitting position was a bitch most of the time, or I'd be stuck there, frozen. GAH!
If Ms. Knowles really does turn into a tub o' lard from babyitis, the PerkiSystem will whip her back into shape in no time!
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Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...
LMAO @ that collapsed pregnant stomach! Looks like a couple of deflated soccer balls in my garage.
Damn, everytime I come up in here it's some Beyonce hate goin on. MK just mad he can't turkey baste a paycheck for himself.
>.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.<
The best thing about being a medical assistant is you get to wear scrubs!
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:18pm.
I think Katiebot really looked pregnant, until she started using the pillow (AFTER she'd already had Suri) to make it seem like she got pregnant AFTER meeting Tommy Girl.
AGREED. She was shopping for shoes like, one day before "giving birth" to Suri.
This Beyonce bump is fake, fake, fake. Bitch was "28" from 2004-2009. She's a liar, and a weird vacant drone so anything's possible with this "pregnancy". How far along is she supposedly? This will be fun to watch "unfold"!
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:22pm.
Getting up afterwards is even more fun.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:25pm.
Pregnancy bellies are kinda cool, until you start waddling like you have a 12 inch dick up your hooha the entire time and have to grow a 70`s bush cause you can`t see your privates anymore for shaving.
The best part about my pregnancies was that i never looked pregnant from behind. Then i would turn around and POWWW!!! Watermelon-Belly.
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LMAO!
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Eazy E's own prescription for "nourishing the inner aspect", Nutz On Ya Chin.
Agreed, Katie Holmes got knocked up in April 2005 and Suri was actually born in January 2006:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,160192,00.html
They dragged the pregnancy out to give her a more plausible birthdate.
Beyonce's bump looks very suspiciously like foam.
Submitted by Jenna K on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 4:27pm.
Wow. That is really weird. I guess it's possible she's wearing some kind of padding to fake people that she's further than she is? But why would she do that? Or it's a really padded dress for some reason? Bizarre.
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Early on in a pregnancy, many women tend to look really bloated, not all Earth Goddess-y and round. The boobs get big right away, but the stomach starts off looking like you've been drinking too much beer. So, you've got huge tits and beer gut. If you want to wear a form fitting dress, you need something to smooth things out a bit. I can see why someone like Beyonce, who still needs/wants to look sexy even though her body is probably changing daily, would pad her stomach to give herself a more balanced look.
Pregnancy bellies are kinda cool, until you start waddling like you have a 12 inch dick up your hooha the entire time and have to grow a 70`s bush cause you can`t see your privates anymore for shaving.
The best part about my pregnancies was that i never looked pregnant from behind. Then i would turn around and POWWW!!! Watermelon-Belly.
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
I didn't believe the conspiracy theories until now. The video makes it clear at 1:00. Pregnant bellies just don't collapse and bend like that. WTF? If you're going to adopt, adopt. Why fake it? If you're using a surrogate, use one. Why the fuck would she fake it?
Mobility issues in pregnancy don't start to arise until mid-late 3rd trimester when you're bigger than a fucking house and sitting down is nearly impossible, you fall backwards. LOL
I cant open the link to Katie Holmes pregnancy bump - but I just recall her being bloated looking... ankles, legs, etc. I never thought it was fake. Plus she did the engagement , then the pregnancy , then the wedding. Not sure why she would've tried so hard to conceive before her big wedding extravaganza.
As for bumps .. I must say, I did have a perfect one ... w/o the help of a pillow. So it's possible for some of these bitches:)
Beyonce's skin tone doesn't look lighter to me. If it is then it could be because she probably was always outside as little kid. I'm lighter skinned now, too, because of it. I spend a lot more time indoors and under the shade and use sunscreen everyday.
The poster formerly known as NIGHTOWL
I think Katiebot really looked pregnant, until she started using the pillow (AFTER she'd already had Suri) to make it seem like she got pregnant AFTER meeting Tommy Girl.
Thank you Slutleena!
She was photographed not too long ago on the beach with JayZ. She was wearing a bikini and had a very visible bump in her belly. That's taking it to extremes. I'll post the pic if I can track it down.
This is just all sorts of weird.
That chair looks pretty low too. I know it was a bitch trying to sit in a low chair/couch while pregnant. I could never sit - I just kinda plopped and fell back (lol). Although that might've been more at the end of my pregnancy.
I would bet money (after examining that 2nd thumbnail) that she is DEFINITELY not carrying her own baby! That bump is as fake as her hair.
Submitted by Spoiled on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:10pm.
Katie Holmes looked pregnant? Seriously? Does this bump look real?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_REeYAiWhOY4/TQ_aNrsRYCI/AAAAAAAAAY4/fILHj5wZJ1...
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I have seen several women with weird bumps like that, freak the hell out of me. Inappropriate/ not maternity clothes make them usually look a lot worse.
Submitted by ponchiks on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:08pm.
Submitted by mike on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:00pm.
What's CREOLE?
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Creole in Beyonce's case is a person of color from Louisiana that has French and Native American ancestry. As far as I know she's claiming it from her mothers side of the family.
The word has a very broad usage but I wanted to save you a long linguistic and history lesson.
Sincerely,
Alana Smithee
Submitted by Spoiled on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:10pm.
Katie Holmes looked pregnant? Seriously? Does this bump look real?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_REeYAiWhOY4/TQ_aNrsRYCI/AAAAAAAAAY4/fILHj5wZJ1...
BWAHAHAHAHAHA, how come i ve never seen this shit before... BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Katie Holmes looked pregnant? Seriously? Does this bump look real?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_REeYAiWhOY4/TQ_aNrsRYCI/AAAAAAAAAY4/fILHj5wZJ1...
Its the dress making that illusion. My last pregnancy only made it to 19 weeks and my maternity clothes made the bump look a lot larger than it really was.
Now... Lopez, Berry, Roberts(twins) and Holmes looked pregnant to me.
Kidman, Posh and Jolie (with twins) - not so much.
Would these people seriously have surrogates so as not to ruin their bodies? WTF? Shallow motherfuckers.
She gives that interviewer a really weird look after she sits :::donning detective latoya monocle:::
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Eazy E's own prescription for "nourishing the inner aspect", Nutz On Ya Chin.
Submitted by mike on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:00pm.
What's CREOLE?
Submitted by K2 on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:03pm.
never mind the bump, it's the teeth that are distracting me.
But yeah, when you're pregnant...the belly doesnt collapse when you sit. wtf? And she actually appears to be hunched over while sitting ... you cant do that while preggos.
She's definitely not moving around like a real pregnant woman. This shit really is a worse fake than the Suri Cruise pillow!
Definitely a plot to reveal a "hot post-baby body" but still gets the credit for being a pregnant earth mother type...
As far as the baby...who knows? I wouldn't be shocked if they mixed sperm from L. Ron Hubbard and Aleister Crowley together and hoped for the best.
Wonder if Angie Jo faked her pregnancies? Maybe not the one with Shiloh, but the one with the twins. That way she could continue to use heroin and not *GASP* GAIN WEIGHT! She was all bones and veins during her pregnancy with the twins, which we all know a lab had a hand in their creation.
...ps - she has the ugliest, most annoying teefs and busted up toes I've ever seen
Submitted by almostfamous88 on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:04pm.
Lame and desperate...we all know she's pushing 40 in real life anywayz....
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you bring a good point...I forgot about that angle and it would explain the need for a surrogate if she is finding it hard to get preggers at her age...I've never believed this trick is still in her 20s anyway. Even for a person of color she looks way older than that.
"I paid good money to get eaten out" - Samantha Jones
Submitted by K2 on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:03pm.
never mind the bump, it's the teeth that are distracting me.
But yeah, when you're pregnant...the belly doesnt collapse when you sit. wtf? And she actually appears to be hunched over while sitting ... you cant do that while preggos.
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This is what I meant. I couldnt hunch forward like she does near the end of the video. Could be fakopreggo
Looks like her dress just poofed out as she was bending over and sitting down -- distorting bump's appearance.
*shrugs*
.
.
Submitted by mike on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:00pm.
I've been asked by Tina Knowles to remind you that she is CREOLE (lest you forget).
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Oops...you forgot to add the Ms. before her name...you know Ms. Tina won't like that oversight either.
"I paid good money to get eaten out" - Samantha Jones
Lame and desperate...we all know she's pushing 40 in real life anywayz....
Dammit, I just noticed MK had already thrown out a Creole joke. Sorry, y'all.
@snowball
She had a: "I just got up from thanksgiving dinner and I threw down on the helpings" stomach. She looked heavier on the top of her stomach/abdominal area than the bottom.
Sincerely,
Alana Smithee
never mind the bump, it's the teeth that are distracting me.
But yeah, when you're pregnant...the belly doesnt collapse when you sit. wtf? And she actually appears to be hunched over while sitting ... you cant do that while preggos.
her bump looks so round and perky when she is up and then deflates and bends when she sits...WTF????
so if she truly is faking a pregnancy, this is starting to look very low-budget. she needs to get better quality padding.
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"I paid good money to get eaten out" - Samantha Jones
Thank you Guest!
*feels like a winner*
The poster formerly known as NIGHTOWL
The one thing that is weird is how she leans forward to kiss/hug the presenter. I couldn't bend forward like that at 4/5 months pregnant, in my pregnancy anyway. Don't know about you other ladies.
With Jay-Z being in the Illuminati, and Beyonce being a mind control victim, the Rosemary's Baby theory might not be too far off. Why would she need a fake baby bump if she's really pregnant?
Submitted by Anonymoussss on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 4:44pm.
Her skin was certainly a whole lot darker when she was a kid.
I've been asked by Tina Knowles to remind you that she is CREOLE (lest you forget).
Im crying laughing at her stupidity. She's not kelly preston.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
It does explain why every celebrity gets their pre-baby body back before the umbilical cord is even cut. They're ALL pillow pregnancies.
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Silly rabbit.
Weren't there just some bikini pictures of her with a big 'ol pregnancy belly though? She was in some white two-piece and she had a preg-belly. Not a spare tire.
Unless she lost the baby or like someone said, she's padding to make it bigger or smoother or who the hell knows whatever reason, I don't get this whole thing.