On what would’ve been John Lennon’s 71st birthday, Paul McCartney threw himself into the marriage thing again by making the serious businesswoman daughter of a New Jersey shipping magnate (Daughter of a New Jersey Shipping Magnate should really be a band name) his third wife in London. 69-year-old Paul and 51-year-old Nancy Shevell said “until the cunt wrath of Heather Mills” does us part in front of guests including her cousin Barbara Walters and Ringo Starr at the Old Marylebone Town Hall, the same place where he married his first wife Linda in the 60s. Well, maybe he got married there again because they waived his marriage license fee since he’s a returning customer.
Both Nancy and Paul wore outfits made by his daughter Stella McCartney. Paul and Heather’s daughter Beatrice was the flower girl and he gave his new wife Nancy a fancy 5-carat diamond wedding band by Neil Lane. People says that after the wedding, everyone went back to Paul’s mansion to slurp on vegan food as they nervously looked for Heather Mills to fly in on a broom that doubles as her other leg.
You know, Nancy and Paul look so happy that they could fart out heart-shaped clouds (and since they’re eating vegan food, they probably will) and she has enough money to bathe in hundred dollar bills every night so I doubt she’s putting her shovel under his fortune, but I just can’t get into them. They are so damn boring! Nancy is the human equivalent of a Kate Middleton yawn. Just look at those shoes. Those shoes are straight out of the memaw of the bride collection at Payless. If Nancy was a toddler getting her First Communion, then wearing those shoes would’ve been okay.
I mean, if this was Heather Mills’ wedding, she would’ve already karate-pegged a bitch for throwing petals instead of money and she definitely would’ve ripped off the head of a white to dove to pour its blood on the paparazzi. Those were the days. As boring as they are, I’m sure Nancy and Paul will last FOREVER! But mainly because Nancy is going to do whatever she can to NOT join Heather Mills in The Paul McCartney’s Ex-Wives Club.