Staaaaaaand back and brace yourselves, because Xtina is definitely about ready to blow a thousand Nancy Grace farts, a category 5 queef or a vocal wail that sounds like a deaf cat in heat getting DPed while jumping on a trampoline during an earthquake. No, this isn’t Dee Snider recreating Brit Brit’s “Gimme More” VMAs performance for an Our Lady of Cheetos tribute. It’s Xtina screaming her thirty layers of red lipstick off for the Michael Jackson tribute in Wales tonight. It’s also a blond Snooki sharting out a load of tears over Jiiiiooooooooni leaving her all alone in Florence. I swear, if you printed out these pictures, blended them into powder and snorted them in one line, you’d be as drunk as Xtina’s weave is mangy. A MESS! Like a chalupa in a wig!
This hot look would look so much hotter if Xtina accessorized it with Sugar Pie and a tattooed lesbian assistant with purple hair.