Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 8, 2011 / Posted by:

The Lassie Cat of Cambridgeshire! It’s always a good thing when a story that begins with “cat thrown out of a moving car” ends with a happy ending and a picture of said cat with the look of revenge in her eyes like she’s going to get back at those evil cunt whores who pulled a Gucci Mane on her knocked up ass.

In a surprising turn of events, this Caturday story comes to us from Metro and not the highly respectable and influential Daily Mail! This is obviously not enough story for the DM. Now, if it was about a pregnant cat who can meow out the Lassie theme song, the DM would’ve had their blaring breaking news siren all over it.

But anymeow, the RSPCA found an ebony beauty of a cat who was bruised, battered and busted after a soulless creature, that will spend their next eternity being thrown out of car window after window on the expressway in hell, tossed her out of their moving car and into a field. The cat was taken to the RSPCA’s hospital where vets named her Jolie and immediately figured out that she had just pushed a litter out. They went back to the scene of the crime (and the kitteh birth) with Jolie.

Jolie must’ve seen a few episodes of 48 Hours Mystery, because she knew exactly what to do. Jolie started howling at Inspector Knight of the RSPCA to follow her toward a barn and she led him to a spot behind a pile of chopped wood where her four kitten babies were alive but in a bad way. Inspector Knight said they were dehydrated and sickly, but now they’re at the RSPCA and will be adoption ready very soon. Inspector Knight said that the kittens probably would’ve ended up purring into the ears of the angels up in heaven if it wasn’t for their mom, because there’s no way he would have found them otherwise.

A purple heart made out of catnip for Jolie! And then a name change form. Naming a cat Jolie is not as cruel as throwing a cat from a moving car, but it’s still pretty damn cruel. I mean, we all know that the cat community is strictly on Team Aniston forever and always. Jolie’s “Do I look like a parched skank homewrecker to you?” face says it all.

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