Hot Slut Of The Day!
This Getting It In Granny was supposed to get stamped with the Hot Slut title yesterday, but a flasher squirrel and his lots 'o nuts got in the way, and in the Dlisted world squirrel nuts top car sexin' memaws (I know that image is just a dollop of whipped YES on top of your coffee).
This is 71-year-old Rita Daniels and if you couldn't already tell from her freshly fucked hair, that glistening twinkle of an orgasm in her eyes and a smile that says her nose was just smashed up against a backseat while her nana punane (punana?) was smashed up against a peen, she just got boned in a Buick before this mug shot of glamour was taken. The story, that I hope to reenact when I'm 71, started in a bar in Michigan one night when Miss Rita strolled in looking to fill her wild body with some booze and follow it up with a COCKtail chaser if you know what I mean. Miss Rita prowled the bar like a geriatric cougar with a bad back (but a good coochie) and set her eyes on her boy toy for the night 54-year-old Tim Adams who looks like this. Just ignore the facial expression that is sponsored by weak Viagra and cold regret:
Since nothing speeds up the horny like whiskey, Miss Rita grabbed Tim's hand and took him back to her place. And by her place, I mean a 2002 Buick Regal (with a license plate that reads "DIVA145" YAAAASSSSSS!) parked in front of a restaurant. Miss Rita hiked up her skirt, pulled her bloomers to the side and rode that young-ish buck dick so hard that the windows fogged up with a layer of hot lust (smelled like Icy Hot lube, burnt Malt-O-Meal, Fixodent, limburger cheese, beer-braised beef and Jean Nate-scented Spanish Fly). Just when Miss Rita was starting to howl like her doctor just waived her Medicare copay, some jizz-blocker had to call the cops. The prudish assholes said that Miss Rita and Tim were doing car sex in front of a restaurant where a 10-year-old boy was eating. Seriously, children fuck up everything!
When the cops asked Tim what he was doing, he obviously shot back with: "I'm fucking this chick!" Technically, Rita is a hen, but I'm sure she'll take the "chick" comment today, tomorrow and every other day. Miss Rita and Tim were arrested for indecent exposure and being drunk in public and were taken to jail.
Ole' girl got arrested and Tim probably knocked her hip out of place with one long thrust to the side and she don't even mind. My hero.
via The Smoking Gun
Submitted by guest on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 9:05am.
what was he thinking?????????????
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Probably "Imm'a get me some from a woman who has forgotten more about pleasure than most 20-year-old cupcakes have ever learned." He probably didn't count on getting arrested, though.
He's not too bad, and obviously not fussy...I call "dibs".
I'm glad granny's getting some action (we all should). Too bad the cops stopped her lust fest.
Screw the morons who called the police.
I bet she'd scrub up well. She looks better at 71 than Madge does at 53. Keep smiling Gran, you've got it going.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
"Just when Miss Rita was starting to howl like her doctor just waived her Medicare copay,"
This is the line that sent me into hysterics!! LOL
MK you are without a doubt a genius!!
Ugh, WHY do we arrest people for getting in on in the privacy of their own cars? Can a memaw LIVE? Seriously, after dark, car sex should not be a crime. Let's focus on real crime. While the cops arrested these two for public sexery, 5 new meth-labs were created in that town. Our priorities are out of order.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
MK only YOU can look at photos and rewrite the story to make it more entertaining to read. LMAO!!!! I don't know which is funny. The thought of the act or how you describe both of their facial expressions. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, lord... *wipes tears* that was freaking hilarious. Thank you, MK, for so perfectly covering this cringe-inducing cautionary tale. "Cold regret," ahhhh! And YASSSS to the poster who said hometrick needs to makes some changes in his life! (Like his name, his face, his address, bwahaha!)
oops.... I first thought that was a new mugshot of LiLoser. Never mind.
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I guess it's best to end a relationship the same way you start it: absolutely fucking tanked. MK 6/11
I bet this memaw is actually mean as fuck. Bet she gets into fights with her daughters in the trailer park because they continue to bring up how she abused them when they were growing up and how she let her third alcoholic husband molest them...and how now, she cares more about her scruffy, needing groomed little dog than them. My guess is that she smells like an ashtray and has been kicked out of a public business in her small town while in her 60's. I would further guess that she calls her psychiatrist at the community mental health clinic that she was discharged to after her last psychiatric hospitalization too much and bothers the shit out of him/her for more alprazolam because she dropped it down the sink/someone stole it, etc.
Just what the pic says to me.....
OMG, she looks like Carole Kane in The Princess Bride. Those must have been the thickest beer goggles in creation.
Life is short, live it up, get that younger harder Peen while u still can!! U go Rita!
Double post.
Gotta love how happy Granny looks. MK gets a +1 for this post it was hilarious.
Heaven help me, but if at 71 I no longer have my BH around, I pray that I could land me some random peen, car, picnic table, bathroom stall, where ever.
GO GET IT GRANNY!
If it weren't for fucking in vehicles I'd remained a virgin throughout high school.
And yes, got caught by the cops. But I guess cops were "cooler" back then cuz they were more embarassed than we were and just told us to go home.
"strolled in looking to fill her wild body with some booze and follow it up with a COCKtail chaser if you know what I mean."--the hot slut mantra. love this story, and as always, MK's descriptions of scents/smells
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
She reminds me of an older version of Marnie the Witch from True Blood...that and the old dead lady in the bathtub from the Shining that TexanDoc spoke of earlier...
Guest, lol at ace bandages. Years ago my dad effed up his foot and the doctor gave him several. We used those damn things for EVERYTHING, they were great.
Lol.
To the point of the post, I'm all about this. Good for you, memaw!
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She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.-Deb 7/29/11
you misunderstood me. (eww that she is 71 and he is 54.)
dude must been hard up as hell and drunk as f*ck.
I'm no prude. just saying this is more information than I care to know.
ever. *LOL*
Submitted by MudTurtle on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 9:23am.
they def are painful. especially when he puts his weight on it. i think an ace bandage would add more support but maybe that's just too old school. idk.
congrats on your second race!!! that's awesome.
spelling derp: add not ad
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Watch out Julia Roberts this meemaw is just a phone call away from taking your place as the evil step mother in snow white! She doesn't need any make up to deliver the poisoned apple
Guest, glad to hear that he only sprained it and didn't break it...but I still think that sprains can be just as painful!! Lol. I wanted to comment the other day but a lot of times I am reading at school, from my phone, and everytime I try to post with it it just messes up...
My hammy is doing good, thanks. I ran the stiffness out of it on the beach, which was awesome. I signed up for my 2nd 5k, coming up in a couple weeks so I'm all set!
he he he. I knew I had to snatch it up as soon as I saw his look of defeat.
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She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.-Deb 7/29/11
turt!! hey. he's back @ work today hobbling around with the plastic support thing on. lol. but aw. hopefully by monday it'll be normal.
how's your hamstring sitch from the dog bite? :)
edited to ad: LOL @ your avie.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
"Just when Miss Rita was starting to howl like her doctor just waived her Medicare copay, some jizz-blocker had to call the cops."
Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Fuckin' cockblocker!
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Hahaha... Great story and your writing is funny as hell, MK. Thank you.
ººº
Insert Porn Music
Hi guest!! Hope your hubby's ankle is better today:)
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She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.-Deb 7/29/11
what was he thinking?????????????
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
All that's missing is the pointy hat and Granny is ready for Halloween.
so there's hope for me when i get to be an old bitch looking for some middle aged stuff...hurrah!
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
LOL, get you some, granny! I wanna be her in the off chance I make it to my seventies. Though I'd probably want more privacy.
And the kiddies on this thread who are clutching their pearls and saying how ew icky gross this is are so cute. You guys are in for a bleak future if you think the sex is supposed to stop once the wrinkles show up and things start to sag.
I have found my FOREVER avie.
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She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.-Deb 7/29/11
@ agirl - I will do my best!
Another article named the Italian restaurant they were parked outside of - of course it's one we go to all the time. So funny, it's in this little downtown area in Hometown USA. This is the kind of shit you see (I HAVE seen)in Detroit, not the burbs, lol.
this is way too much f*cking information for me. EVER.
gross and EWWWWWWWWW and why is that dude so hard up?
throws up!!!!!
That looks like Lindsay Lohan in 5 years if she lives that long.
Submitted by annobanano on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 7:53am.
Well agirl, I am from MI lol. So of course this was on the news this am. Dying to know at what bar they met - not to far from where I live. Wonder if their drunk-asses were parked on main street. I'll be watching for that license plate now!
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Annabanano, how old are you again? 71? lol
You are now Dlisted's embedded correspondent in MI, reporting daily on the drunken divebar memaw slut situation. Don't forget to wear your bulletproof jacket and helmet, 's'dangerous out there!
I bet that pussy was so dry. And smh at me even thinking that.
The dude is heavily channeling Jesse James. I'd say it's time Memaw got herself inked.
Duchess of Alba: "Respect."
Well, I hope I'm getting some random bone in a car when I'm 71. And I do not mean fracturing my shoulder putting on the seat belt.
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You must forgive my curiosity, madam, and open your knees.
the look on the guy's face says it all. "i really need to make some changes in my life".
I'd like to thank this exquisite creature for giving me something to aspire to in my memaw days. Except I plan on trolling bars on college campuses and waiting for the inevitable drunken frat-boy dare to work in my favor. Someday, if I'm lucky, my mug shot will grace this HSoftD space and my life will be complete.
~*~Hello, my baby! Hello, my honey! Hello, my ragtime gal....~*~
YEEEHAAAWWWW stick it in yer Gran Maw!!
Those eyes aren't drunky hazy film layered eyes,
Ole Rita's eyes are sayin FUCKIN A I got some cock and when I git outa here I'ma gonna git me sum or a that thar cock!
I think we need to build a monument out of a buick seat right in the middle of that parking lot and make it a pilgrimage place where meewmaws can go to get their young at heart fuck on.
My hero! Ahahahaha!! And MK "the look of cold regret" indeed...*swoooon* Yep, errybody know dude.
That was beautiful
"Wipes tear"
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
Look at Granny's eyebrow situation. It's like 2 waving exclamation points!
Viva la Ben Gay!
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
Pull up to the bumper baby... Granny was totally channeling that Grace J song in the parking lot.
Sidenote - she totally looks like an older version of Marni from True Blood.
http://www.thescribesdesk.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/true-blood-soul...
She has Lindsay teeth
SHE HAS LINDSAY TEETH AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH
Also, kids shouldn't be allowed in bars, wtf was this, Bennigan's during happy hour?
Also also, won't you get arrested for DUI if you're in the car with your keys (in the ignition or not)?
I love how proud of herself she is. Go granny!!
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Her:"I bought sparkling wine. Let's have girls night!" Me:"I would rather put a cigarette out on my clit." - Slashleen on Twitter
Love her mug shot.
Do they both live in the car? Or have they never heard of shampoo?