Fantasia Is A Sinning Skank Sinner, So Says Mahalia Jackson’s Family

October 7, 2011 / Posted by:

Production for the Mahalia Jackson biopic starring Fantasia was supposed to start any day now, but then a little thing called “Fanny’s ovaries eating up the sperm fish of a married douche” happened and everything was pushed back. Instead of recasting the role with a more worthy talent like Quween of the Scene or Aretha Franklin’s right nipple (her left one is a total cuntrod to work with), the producers are waiting for Fantasia to push out the baby and are allowing her vagina to fully recover from birth trauma before they go back into production. But Jesus be the mighty fist of one of Mahalia Jackson’s cousins, dragging Fanny by the weave out of her trailer to throw her demonized soul into a circle of salt poured by the God Warrior.

Page Six reports that the estate of Mahalia Jackson is asking the producers to drop Fanny, because they feel that an unwed heathen who made a child with a married man will dirty the pristine image of a religious and noble woman like Mahalia Jackson. One source said, “The family thinks if Fantasia plays the role, it’s going to sully the name of Mahalia. They think she’s got the wrong image, having a child out of wedlock.”

The producers are also upset, because Fantasia lied to them and said that she was packing on the chunk for the role when she was really packing on baby weight. The producers are considering replacing Fanny with Missy Elliot, who is obviously the epitome of moral beacon, if she can’t start shooting in January.

A rep from Mahalia Jackson’s estate only said this about the biopic and Fanny:

“I’m not really aware of any objections that the heirs have to the casting of Fantasia. I understand that they were getting ready to film and that she is pregnant, and I don’t know who is she pregnant by.”

Not wanting Fantasia to play Mahalia because she’s growing another wedlock baby in her womb is some ridiculous shit since every single person in Hollywood has birthed out a wedlock baby. Every single one of them. I’m sure every single ho in Mahalia’s family has too. Who hasn’t birthed a wedlock baby? I’m birthing one right now. That is not a valid reason. A valid reason for not wanting Fantasia to play Mahalia would be because she couldn’t even play Fantasia in the Fantasia biopic and was upstaged by stage barf. That is a valid reason.

Mahalia’s family just needs to go to the producers and say the words: upstaged by stage barf. The next sound you’d hear is the sound of the producers getting Aretha Franklin’s right nipple on the line.

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