Kristen Stewart Admits That Her Boyfriend Is British

October 5, 2011 / Posted by:

Before you laugh, point and thrown giant DUNCE caps at RPattz for being the poster boy for “Ass Sex: You’re Doing It Wrong”, you should know that this picture was taken on his first day of how-to-take-a-strap-on training and he’s just learning. Would you laugh at a newborn kitten if it fell on its pink nose while trying to make a walk for the first time? Okay, yeah, your evil ass would, but you still shouldn’t call him a dumb bitch who can’t bottom. But moving on to more important and earth-shattering news….

Any Twistorian will tell you that ever since the producers of Twatlight bounded Kristen Stewart and RPattz together in holy fakery to sell those dumb movies, neither of them have admitted in word form that she’s sucking glitter shards out of his sparkle hole every night. But during a photo shoot with British GQ (via Daily Mail), Kristen Stewart mumbled out that she hopes to explore the UK more while shooting that Snow White movie, “because my boyfriend is English.” The planet put on its brake and then the interviewer asked her to elaborate about that shit, to which she responded with:

“I never would have said that if I knew you were interviewing me.

So much of my life is so easily Googled. I mean, it’s like, come on guys, it’s so obvious!

‘I don’t think you realize what a big deal it is for people. Well, it is a big deal. They would be ‘Oh. My. God’. There would also be still a 50/50 split. Some people would still be, ‘See, told you they’re not together.’

I don’t worry about it at all. It’s just one of those things. I’m selfish. I’m like, ‘That’s mine!’ And I like to keep whatever is mine remaining that way. It’s a funny little game to play and it’s a slippery slope. I always say to myself I’m never going to give anything away because there’s never any point or benefit for me.”

I know this news made the Twihards shoot their panties off with a cooch cream geyser and then eat up those underwear pieces out of sheer excitement before barfing out a vomit ball that they molded into a heart for their “Edward & Bella 4EVA” altar, but Kristen didn’t exactly say the name Robert Pattinson. Kristen only said that her boyfriend is English. Bitch could be talking about Madonna for all we know.

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