Last year, Courtney Love focused her crazed rage on Vanity Fair’s Lynn Hirschberg for writing a piece in 1992 where it was claimed that she shot up the dragon chasing nectar while she was knocked up with Frances Bean. Courtney shed cokey tears of fury and hollered out that she’d never forgive Lynn for this! And then a horse fly flew by and Court thought she saw a recording device strapped to its little wing and so she chased it around the room while screaming that the FBI is not going to catch her this time! And then Court heard a sound outside of her house and ran out the door with a fireplace poker in her hand, thinking she was going to find a thief carving the words “Property of Fraudy McFraudster” on the side of her townhouse in an effort to steal it. And then when Court came back inside, she mistook a floor lamp in the corner for a beautiful man billionaire and snapped at her assistant to check the Yellow Pages for a 24-hour shaman that can marry them right away. What I’m getting at is that the crack ate Courtney’s memory of being mad at Vanity Fair, because here she is giving them an interview!
Court called up Vanity Fair after she read a piece Nancy Jo Sales wrote on The Quacked Out Quaids‘ accusations of fraud and other crazy shit. Court thought Nancy Jo could help her find out what happened to the $250 million of Nirvana’s money that she claims someone stole (you know, because it’s not like the money ground itself into a fine powder and leaped up into her nose holes). Court talked about “the fraud” and then showed Nancy Jo a page from Frances Bean’s old diary, because she’s a wonderful and thoughtful mother like that.
On why Frances Bean’s diary isn’t about HER HER HER HER HER!: “This is her diary,” Love explains. “I just want you to look at this one page,” which contains a list titled, “Things That Make Me Smile.” Love, distraught, asks Sales, “Why am I not on it? Why doesn’t she put ‘watching old movies with my mom’?”
On how Frances Bean quit the crazy 2 years ago and the crazy misses her: “All I can feel is how much I love her,” Love tells Sales. “I’d give anything to hear the sound of her heels walking down the hall past my bedroom.”
On why Frances Bean needed Hooked on Phonics as a second grader: “It was my fault! I never read to her! … Why didn’t I ever take her to a Broadway show? She fucking loved those Broadway musicals!” There were times when, Love says, her daughter was teased by other children; “They called her ‘crack baby.’”
On how her and Kurt Cobain’s money kept magically disappearing: “We could never find our money!” she says. “We had $135,000 in our bank account. They said that if he would go do Lollapalooza he would make $11 million… Do you think Kurt would have killed himself if he had known he had $54 million?”
On if she’s mad at Kurt for doing suicides to himself: “Mad? Ya think?! If he came back right now I’d have to kill him, for what he did to us. I’d fucking kill him. I’d fuck him, and then I’d kill him.”
The second to the last quote was brought to you by The Crazy Crackie School Of Mathematics, because only in the gutters of Courtney’s brain does $135,000 + $11 million = $54 million.
Oh, and Court, don’t you mean kill him again…..: