You might think that Johnny Depp is having a million laughs in this photo shoot, sipping on the sweet nectar and sucking on a cigar, but nope. Johnny’s got a counselor waiting in his dressing room and a nurse with a rape kit standing by, because he tells Vanity Fair (via Page Six) that posing in front of a camera makes him like he’s being sexually violated. Paging Kristen Stewart. Paging Kristen Stewart. Please escort Johnny Depp to the registration office of the Think Before You Open Your Fuck Ass Mouth School of Public Speaking.
Johnny said that photo shoots are to him what hydrangeas are to Madge and they just make him feel dumb and stupid. Like rape! You know, because rape makes you feel dumb and stupid. Johnny is a regular Detective Olivia Fucking Benson.
Here’s the comment that made Johnny’s publicist take a hammer to the BlackBerry the media calls them on while using their other BlackBerry to tell his accountant to cut a check for a victims of rape foundation STAT!
“Well, you just feel like you’re being raped somehow. Raped … It feels like a kind of weird — just weird, man. [I’ll pose with fans], but whenever you have a photo shoot or something like that, it’s like — you just feel dumb. It’s just so stupid.”
And Johnny also said this:
“Basically, if they’re going to pay me the stupid money right now, I’m going to take it. I have to. I mean, it’s not for me. Do you know what I mean? At this point, it’s for my kids. It’s ridiculous, yeah, yeah. But ultimately is it for me? No. No. It’s for the kids.”
But back to the rape comment. What a mess. Yes, posing in a photo shoot to promote a movie that you were paid millions to make is SUCH TORTURE! But guess what, Johnny? Unlike rape, you actually get to choose whether or not you want to pose in a three thousand dollar suit in a magazine photo shoot. No REALLY means no when it comes to that shit. So Johnny should just stay away from a magazine’s camera so he doesn’t feel like he just had a lunch date with Roman Polanski. That way the magazine will have no choice but to publish old pictures of him when he was in the prime of his hotness. It’s a win/win for us all.
P.S. – Terry Richardson took that picture. Do what you will with that information.