8 Reasons Why I Am In Love Maurice Sendak

October 4, 2011 / Posted by:

Maurice Sendak is best known for writing Where The Wild Things Are? and now he’s best known to me for making me say “Andy Rooney, who?!” out loud. 83-year-old Maurice made my soul coo out 8 crusty and chapped hearts during his interview with The Guardian about writing children books, hating bitches and hating bitches some more. Here are just 8 things that Maurice is growling at (alternate title: 8 reasons why I want to make children with an 83-year-old grand cunt):

E-books: “I hate them. It’s like making believe there’s another kind of sex. There isn’t another kind of sex. There isn’t another kind of book! A book is a book is a book.”

NYC: “You get pushed and harassed and people grope you. It’s too tumultuous, it’s too crazy!”

Rupert Murdoch: “His name should be what everything is called now. (Reporter: But doesn’t he publish your books?) Yes! Harpers. He owns Harpers and I guess the rest of the world, too. He represents how bad things have become. But I don’t know a better house. They’re all in trouble. They’re all terrible.”

American politics: “These Republican schnooks would be comical if they weren’t not funny.”

Salman Rushdie: “That flaccid fuckhead. He was detestable. I called up the Ayatollah, nobody knows that.”

Roald Dahl: “The cruelty in his books is off-putting. Scary guy. I know he’s very popular but what’s nice about this guy? He’s dead, that’s what’s nice about him.”

Stephen King: “Bullshit.”

Gwyneth Paltrow: “I can’t stand her.”

These quotes should be published into a hardcover book with illustrations and read to every single child before bedtime. This is mandatory.

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