Elizabeth Hurley’s marriage to that hot Indian billionaire completely died (like Hugh Grant’s boner in Divine Brown’s mouth after the police shined a light on his face) last year when the News of the World (RIP!) published pictures of her licking on a tongue belonging to Australian pricket (typo and it stays) player and kitty-faced Shane Warne. Shane was also married at the time, but just like Elizabeth, he said he and his wife had been separated for months. Elizabeth and Shane started face humping the fillers out of each other full-time and ten months later their asses are engaged to be married! Because that mess worked so well the first time. Elizabeth and Shane are now the overseas LeAnn and Eddie! Which is sort of fitting since if I kiss this bong again and squint my eyes, Shane looks like he was cut from the same piece of Falcor’s taint as LeAnn.
The Daily Mail says that Shane slipped a sapphire and diamond ring (see below) on Elizabeth’s finger at some restaurant in St. Andrews, Scotland last night after the Alfred Dunhill Championship. A source who witnessed Elizabeth and Shane getting pre-pre-divorced said this about the proposal:
“Shane proposed over dinner and it was fairly public, not a private affair.
It was a VIP crowd in there this evening. It was residents only, including Dunhill past players. He didn’t get down on one knee, but when it was announced the other guests in the restaurant stood up and applauded. Everyone there was absolutely delighted.”
But the guests only applauded to hide the sound of the simultaneous queef they all let out over this news. And I’m sure that simultaneous queef lasted longer than Elizabeth’s marriage to Shane will! No. I’m sure this one will stick. You know what they say (they don’t say this). A marriage to a hot Indian billionaire never works, but a marriage to a dude that looks like a retired Thundercat who suffers from chronic menopause sweats will last forever!