Hot Slut Of The Day!

The incredibly magical Dallas Raines!

When I was in California a couple of weeks ago and filling my insides with Double Doubles, Sourdough Yacks and the strange green shake my mom made me drink to kill the fast food pesticides that were slowly eating my internal organs (her words, not mine), I loved throwing my bloated carcass over my mom’s sofa to get my daily dose of Vitamin D from the weatherman with one of the hottest made-up names in the game. Dallas has been the weatherman on Channel 7 in L.A. since the beginning of time and I grew up being dazzled by his smooth Billy Flynn-like moves. Being reunited with Dallas, taught me that either he gets his body reupholstered with the finest Corinthian leather found in a Cadillac every year, or it’s really true and leather does get finer with age. Stunning has a name and it’s Dallas Raines.

If it was hailing on top of my head and Dallas told me it was hailing on top of my head, I still wouldn’t believe him, but I would get lost in the twinkles that spark off his unicorn finger nail veneers. (Yes, unicorns have finger nails.) Just as much as Dallas Raines loves being Dallas Raines, his bathroom mirror loves being his bathroom mirror. And I don’t blame it.

And one would think that “shade” is Dallas’ greatest arch rival, but that isn’t the case. Dallas Raines’ sworn nemesis is a big fly!

Oh, how I love Dallas Raines. And I’m guessing Nicolas Cage loves Dallas Raines as much as I do, because it’s obvious that he’s based all of his mannerisms on the human solar flare that is Dallas Raines.