Page Six says that Justin Theroux’s BMW motorcycle has been parked in front of Jennifer Aniston’s West Village apartment all week and some shady trick decided to send him a little message by showering his bike with what Aniston should’ve made for doing The Bounty Hunter: a bunch of cold bologna slices! Filling my head right now are scenes of Jennifer Aniston putting on a serious face to seriously tell a package of Oscar Mayer bologna that what it did to her was really uncool.
One of Jennifer’s neighbors tells Page Six that while they were walking their dog early yesterday morning, they found a bologna bukkake scene playing all over Justin’s bike. They said bologna was on the seat, the muffler, the engine, the everywhere! The neighbor is a regular Detective La Toya, because they said this about one of Justin’s enemies losing their lunch all over bike, “I got the impression it was some weird message, like, ‘You’re full of bologna. The bike was in otherwise in fine condition.”
Maddox wouldn’t touch a piece of gross bologna with Jennifer Aniston’s hooves, so you can quickly pull his name out of the suspect pile! Maddox only eats Beanie Baby meat and Cabbage Patch legs. But who ever this is should be punished to the maximum extent of the cold cut laws. Not because they fucked with Justin’s bike. Who cares about that bitch. They deserve punishment for wasting bologna IN THIS ECONOMY. That bologna could’ve been doing more important things like slapping a stripper’s ass.
But we really shouldn’t believe this shit until Terry Richardson posts pictures he took of Jennifer Aniston and bologna to show us that she’s happy and she’s okay with bologna even though it did her wrong.