Holly Madison Insures Her Tupperware Titty Bowls For $1 Million
Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner's former head Stepford nurse who was the only one who showed she truly cared about him by softly blowing on his raw colostomy hole before gently rubbing baby powder-scented Vaseline on it, has found a new career in giving Las Vegas audiences a dozen servings of her silicone chichi domes every night in Peepshow. Holly seems to think that she has the Mary Hart Legs of tits, because she has taken out a $1 million life insurance policy on her twin career makers.
Holly tells People that if anything happened to her silicone chest puffs, LIVES WOULD BE FORECLOSED UPON, THE BREAD LINE WOULD BE SHUT DOWN, CHILDREN WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEIR OWN FINGERS TO SURVIVE, BLONDE TODDLERS WOULD HAVE TO MOVE INTO THE PLAYBOY ORPHANAGE (oh, wait..), etc.... etc.... Holly explained it like this to People:
"I've heard about people getting body parts insured and I thought, why not?, because if anything happened to my boobs, I'd be out for a few months and I'd probably be out a million dollars. I thought I'd cover my assets. I think it's kind of funny. I think they're getting the credit they deserve. They're my primary money makers right now."
What does Holly think is going to happen to her tits? Are they going to move into the vacant space in her head when Carrot Top tries to motoroboat them? Since it's obvious they can't be near each other, is their civil war going to escalate to the point where one them completely quits the union and reinvents itself by getting a job as one of Hugh's colostomy bags (yes, I brought it back to colostomy bags and you should never forgive me for this).
If anything does happen to Holly's chichis, it will take 10 minutes for the Mattel factory workers to come out to her house and restore her natural beauty by bolting on a Barbie titty plate over her chest.
Besides, who thinks of Holly Madison when they think of tits?! Googling "national treasure breasts," brings up the names Helen Mirren, Salma Hayek and Christina Hendricks, but Holly Madison does not make an appearance. I don't think the serial number on her implant reads: PRICELESS PRECIOUS CARGO. Bitch, please. StuntQueenville, population: Holly Madison
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I can't believe CNN put this story on its main page.
Holly is not sexy. Her eyes are dead and she usually looks bored/boring, and she has the fakest smile I've ever seen. How has she not reeled in a billionaire at this point? Lord knows she tries.
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Those tits cost 6 grand tops - replacement value. A one million dollar policy should cover something that would be hard to replace - a brain, great pair of legs, MK's sense of humor. Bitch is in for a rude awakening when one of those suckers pops. Insurance companies didn't get rich for nothing (ex's family owns an insurance company - full disclosure)
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
its just a publicity stunt. famewhores kill me. they are just so empty, fame is their drug of choice. when their fame starts to wane, they are like an addict running out of dope, they have got to have more,thus publicity stunt. anything to stay "relevant". I admire real actors and actresses, you know the ones that play a role and they actually "become" that person in the movie. russel crowe for example is a great actor. I know acting LOOKS easy, but to be a good actor is not. Most of these famewhores have no talent except for somehow becoming famous. At least with your Tom Cruises, Jolie, Russel Crowe, Sir Ian McKellan, you have a real, tangible talent to back up the fame. JMO
'Alas, Madison's assets were made, not born: She surgically boosted her cup size in 2001 from an A to a D-plus, which is about the grade the Los Angeles Times' reviewer gave "Peepshow" back in April 2009. Madison joined the cast in May of that year.
Reed Johnson described "Peepshow" as "an intermittently amusing but utterly predictable and cliche-besotted soft-core revue" with "a tribute to pink [sic] that involves a male stooge, some light bondage, a bucket of paint and a crunching rock ditty" ranking among the show's more inspired numbers, musically.'
(LA Times, Ministry of Gossip)
At least the cumrag is honest enough to realize her boobs are her only asset (I'm sure wit and intellect never even scored a consideraton).
Most unattractive famewhore if ever there was.
*shudders at the thought of Carrot Top motorboating anything*
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Mind boggling isnt it? Cover my assets? It's funny that sluts like her consider themselves classy, and the medias portrayal of them is the same. After her body is all used up, they'll just have some other bimbo skank replace her.
She's not attractive and looks cheap.
This pathetic trick with ZERO personality to speak of makes Kim Kardashian look exciting.
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I'm trans, and even I don't want breasts like that...
Submitted by yepyepyep on Thu, 09/29/2011 - 8:44am.
well she paid money for them, it cost money to redo them, and she makes money of them
a hooker has got to cover her assets, right Holly? I wonder how much she charges, to assume in a few months she will lose a million.
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It's a valid question.
Does anyone else think that she looks Gwen Stefani's slutty bimbo sister?
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WORDS MEAN NOTHING, fashion speaks volumes. -MK
Did her stupid ass show on E! get cancelled? I sure hope so. Although I'm gonna miss Josh with a passion. That boy needs his own show.
Bitch please, this chick is so irrelevant. Girl, you look like a deer caught in headlights! Booooooo-ring.
saw her stoopid vegas show "peepshow". damn joke. ho looked liked used door mat w/ dog shit.
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♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
She so ugly.
Didn't Dolly Parton have hers insured too?
I don't see the point. Are they afraid to lose them in a tragic factory accident or something?
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Iris Chacon, ahi viene!
Now I think big tits are great but should they look like someone just sliced a ball in half and just rammed them under the skin??? This is not beautiful. What ever happened to realism?
What's old and wrinkled and smells like Holly?
I suppose she could have a titty-slap massage accident...
In theory, you can insure almost anything--it's just a question of the premium. I could be 89 and cancer-ridden and still get life insurance. But the premium would almost equal the face amount. Insurance companies didn't get massively wealthy by being dumb at business.
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"Thank God the water here is warm, because my swimsuit was quite small." (Theologian, climatologist, model V. Budd)
"They're my primary money makers right now." That is really sad. Life goals fail.
♫♪Shoulda got Geicko for ya mun-ayyy, mun-ayyy, mun-ayyyyyy♫♪
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
seriously bitch, THEY'RE FAKE TITS - YOU CAN BUY 'EM ANYWHERE and if they're your main source of income these days, WTF was your main source BEFORE?
oh right, just having the title "Chief 'Ho-bag" doesn't have the same je ne sais quoi -
Good point Lucifer! Kind of like insuring a '77 Pinto lol.
Holly Madison may have the ugliest million dollar boobs of all time, but she makes delicious snack cakes.
Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 09/29/2011 - 8:53am.
She should have insured her vajayjay
You can't insure something that is already decrepit though.
Oh for fucks sake. She's got one of the worst boob jobs out there. Not only are the fun bags oddly shaped, if anyone's seen some of her Playboy nudes, you know she's the Paris Hilton of nipples --- totally wonked. They're uneven, shaped differently and point in opposite directions. Definitely nothing worth bragging about.
I am however heartened that this dumb ho has finally realized that her entire career will always be about taking her clothes off.
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"You are fucking bitches, this is my prom!"
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 09/29/2011 - 9:11am.
Ahahahaha!! *in tears*
well okay then.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Those are some ugly-ass boobs.
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"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."
She's hot in a MILF-y way. She reminds me of legendary 1990's porn star Stacy Valentine.
She's kind of smart though. On her awful show, that Jayde Nicole bimbo makes frequent appearances that make Holly look like Einstein in comparison.
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"...Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf..."
But...but.. they are wonky... :/
Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 09/29/2011 - 8:53am.
She should have insured her vajayjay
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Dear Ms Madison,
Upon reviewing your insurance policy request to have your vajayjay insured we feel it would be better served if you in fact insured your vajayjay as a drainage ditch thereby increasing it's overall value and usefulness. We will await your reply before continuing to write this policy.
Sincerely,
Lloyd's of London
Her coochie area looks like that horribly shopped pic of St. Angie's "reptilian neck from HELL!" from years ago.
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A beauty that makes abuelitas pray for our sinful souls is my kind of beauty. -MK 9/12/11
YAAAAAAASS! -Sage Khia
What's going to "happen" to boobs? Does she routinely sit under a guillotine, where they may be sliced off? Does she pinch them accidentally in bifold doors? Do rabid weasels fuck on top of them? WHAT?
Shit like this makes me weep for girls growing up, getting national public attention because you are a skeevy hobag who shakes her plastic tits.
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You must forgive my curiosity, madam, and open your knees.
What would happen to someone's tits that they need to have them insured? Like, if they popped or something? I don't get it.
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Devil's advocate.
I suppose it's possible for her to fall off the swing she gets lowered down onto the stage with, fall on her chest and have her boobs burst. It could happen.
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Submitted by OurMissC on Thu, 09/29/2011 - 8:52am.
I would have expected Heidi to pull this stunt, not Holly.
And she's kicking herself right now for not thinking of this stunt first.
Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 09/29/2011 - 8:53am.
Hey, a girl's gotta eat and hopefully get a Mercedes, amirite??
I mean I'm married and all but IN THIS ECONOMY we have to do what we can
I keep looking under her right armpit for the air valve stem.
lol NO1CURR, Sucky and Whamo!
She should have insured her vajayjay cause you know that thing's going south soon.
I would have expected Heidi to pull this stunt, not Holly.
Don't eat for yourself, eat for your chichis! - MK
Oh Holly, thank you for being a role model to young women everywhere. Girl power!!! :p
Attendance at 'Peepshow' must not be very good.
"Google me, you dumb fuck!", said some punk bitch rookie cop.
And really what would happen to them anyway? Are they going to explode at 10,000 ft in an airplane?
Bwahaha, Whamo! :)
I get it. Because, let's be honest, what career prospects does she have without skripping? Her boobies make her money. I think she's smart to do it, although it is pathetic that your body is your only way to make money.
Bridget Marquardt has a Master's Degree, FFS.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
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Well, whatever. I hope it is worth the premium payment. I do like the photo of her, though.
"They're my primary money makers right now."
Even though she has already made more money than I will in a lifetime...that statement is really fucking pathetic and sad.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
well she paid money for them, it cost money to redo them, and she makes money of them
a hooker has got to cover her assets, right Holly? I wonder how much she charges, to assume in a few months she will lose a million.
Yes I am bitchy
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 09/29/2011 - 8:33am.
She should have insured her brain while she was at it, it must be worth at LEAST $1.47.
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Dear Ms Madison,
Upon reviwing the insurance policy we have come to the conclusion that your $1.47 Brain policy is considerably over valued. We have discussed this internally with our adjusters and have come to the a fair market value of $0.38. Even at this price we feel you are considerably over insured.
Sincerely,
Loyds of London