Any normal celebrity couple would answer to the rumors that their marriage has been drowned in a pool of crotch nectar from the husband’s side piece by issuing a simple statement that reads: “True” or “Not true” or “Your business: mind it.” But Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore aren’t even in the same universe as normal and have answered to the rumors by dropping philosophical balls of shit and clues on their Twitter pages. Dumi’s stupid ass wrote the first chapter of The Da Douche Code when she quoted Greek philosopher Epictetus days before Star Magazine said her marriage was lying on a table in the morgue.
“When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”
The second chapter was written by Ashton when he Tweeted a link to his Spotify account where Public Enemy’s “Don’t Believe The Hype” plays. A few days before Ashton’s Tweet, Demi Tweeted the picture above of her doing an impression of the current catatonic state of her marriage and she added the note: “I see through you.”
This is what happens when your brain gets fed with too much Oprah. It makes a bitch think she’s a regular philosophical performance artist. Rumer Willis, go poke at your mama with your chin and tell her she’s won. We won’t complain about her desperate bathroom bikini photo shoots as long as she promises to queef the wannabe Maya Angelou act from her being.