Seeing Jason Alexander without a half-nekkid head is as weird as seeing one of your old high school teachers on Grindr or like walking in on your abuelita changing from her day bra into her sleeping bra. It’s a little weird. When Jason Alexander first came out with a teddy bear’s butt cheek on his head, I figured it was for a role or maybe IN THIS ECONOMY he wanted to save money on SPF by wearing a hairbrella of sorts. But Jason says I figured wrong. Jason went on Twitter to explain that his head hairs have been quitting him since he was 17 and he wanted to be seen as something other than the “funny bald guy.” Jason’s long ass monologue about his toupee is here, but below is a piece of it.
What you see on my head is a really good, semi-permanent hairpiece. By semi-permanent I mean that I can wear it constantly for weeks at a time, if I so choose. I can swim, shower, work out — whatever. It stays on. Or I can take it off any time of any day I choose. The reason it looks thin is that I challenged my designer to make me a piece that would look very similar to the way I did 10 years ago. So, it looks like a guy who is losing his hair and isn’t an artificial mop of hair that I never had. The designer was dubious at first but he actually loves the look now. And the fact is that we are still playing around with the shape and density to make it as flattering and natural looking as we can.
In a few weeks, I may very well talk about who makes this system so that you can pursue it with them if you wish. But in general, for those men and women who have hair loss issues, I can tell you that these systems have become very easy to wear, very easy to handle and the adhesives that have developed give you great flexibility in regard to how often and how long you wear your system.
Good for Jason for coming clean about the piece on his head unlike certain wheezy old goat-footed queens that I will not name here. JOHN TRAVOLTA! But Jason is so serious about this shit (example: use of the word “dubious“) and sounds like he’s reading a testimonial for Jeremy Piven’s wiglet collection. It’s just a hair tile! It’s not that serious, but it’s still your duty to yank it off and throw it out of the window if you come face to hair piece with it.
If Jason’s hair rug doesn’t work out, he can give it to the moles who will raise it as their own or he can dye it green and give to a little girl who can use it as a putting green for her Barbie.