Clarification Alert: Only L.A. Gays Are Total Sluts

Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker who has a success rate of zero, set b-holes on fire and earned a temporary place on GLAAD’s hit list on Sunday night when she opened up her dumb dumpster box of a mouth and said that gays can’t stick with one peen, all Jewish men lie and nobody wants to roll around with a queen.

This was not breaking news to those who know that Patti has been terrorizing the straight people and curly-haired communities for years with the ridiculous Tsunami of wet shit that pours off of her rat tongue all the time. But after some called for Patti to be thrown into Bravo’s trash pile with Showdog Mom & Dads (Never 4Get), Patti quickly Twatted out an “I’m Sowwy” note. Patti then brought her guinea pig in a wig-looking ass to Joy Behar’s show and clarified that she wasn’t talking about ALL GAYS, she was only talking about L.A. gays! Patti dipped the generalizations she made on Watch What Happens Live in concrete when she said this to Joy Behar (as transcribed by Towleroad):

“In the show when we do the mixers, the guys are passing around the telephone numbers, they’re sleeping with each other, even affter the millionaire gets the date he’s sleeping with the pool of people. My (gay) friend…says ‘Patti this is what it’s like around the country.’ This is the gay community. I said, ‘I’m trying to curb them.’ Now this is not the lesbian. The lesbian gets involved. They move in together. They’re quiet. They’re at peace. But the gay men. They whip it out at eyelock. They get involved, and then they find out later whether or not they want a serious relationship. And I hope they use the privilege in New York of gay marriage, because now they have it. And a lot of gays aren’t getting married, even though they have the privilege.”

Patti then said that she’s like the Norma Rae of gay marriage and has been an advocate since the beginning of gay time. Patti’s right. She once took a break from her busy schedule of yelling at The Hot Topic Twins to pose in a Lee Press-On campaign sponsored by NOH8.

But we’re all missing the bigger point here: who in the hell takes Patti Stanger seriously? The only reason why I watched The Millionaire Matchmaker is because I love love love how wrong she is about everything. There should be a disclaimer at the beginning that reads: Whatever Patti Says To Do, Do The Opposite.

How can you seriously take the advice of a mutated ostrich egg who tells you to keep your chonies on during the first date? That makes no sense. If I don’t fuck a trick on the first date, how do I know if I want to fuck them on the second date? Answer that, Patti!

And as a gay whose best slut moments were lived out in the L.A. area, I have no comment on her “all L.A. gays are sluts” comment.