(Apologies to the gorgeous lizard flower that is Courtney Stodden for that comparison.)
Here’s the gold digging, bed bug-killing, cocktail wasting, freckled dildo of delusion Lindsay Lohan completing her community service hours by volunteering at an Italian AIDS hospice today. Oh, did I type “volunteering at an Italian AIDS hospice“? I really meant to type that she’s pouring free champagne down her throat hole with designer Philipp Plein at an amfAR party in Milan tonight. Same thing!
Maybe it’s because I just ate an entire bottle of red wine, but besides the fact that her lips looks like two constipated bubble gum worms trying to push out a fart, she sort of looks o.k.a.y.? We’re used to seeing LiLo looking like a 49-year-old flea-ridden, morning shift Mordor hooker who just got a train ran on her (an actual train, not a gang bang), so this is an improvement! Yes, I’m still going to spray my eye balls with RID, but I’ll do two squirts instead of ten. Now I’m going to do the impossible by typing the following words: Lindsay Lohan actually looks good.
And yesh, I just admitted that I’m drinking red wine. Can you believe this shit? I’m trading margaritas for red wine, because Dr. Oz said it’s good for the heart. I’m of the olds. Just brand me with the word EXPIRED and roll me into Boca city limits.