The other day, The Superficial posted a gallery of pictures of Lindsay Lohan looking like the pristine dandelion she is while doing not-at-all shady crack ho shit with hotelier Vikram Chatwal in front of his apartment window. It’s the kind of mess you’d see if you pointed your telescope at the Crackieopeia constellation up in the night sky. Blohan’s spokeswhore said that she’s just friendly with Vikram and nothing romantic is going on. He’s right. The last time I did a line off the top of a multimillionaire’s dick while licking his peen’s undercarriage just so he can get me into a fashion party, “romantic” is not the word that shot onto my tongue.
Howfuckingever, Page Six says that LiLo was acting like she’s more than just friends with Vikram when she came at his estranged wife Priya Sachdev at his NYC hotel on Wednesday night. Oh, to be a fat scabie on LiLo’s scalp sludge when she got in Priya’s face. A witness tells Page Six all about how LiLo went into a rage like a homeless junkie protecting her spot in the ATM vestibule:
“Lindsay had been staying at Vikram’s house and even installed her hairdresser in the baby’s room, but was told to leave before his wife arrived from India with the child a few days ago. His father, Sant Singh, has tried to order Lindsay out numerous times.
Lindsay found out Vikram was hosting a dinner at the Dream, and turned up with a friend at the hotel’s Electric Room, waiting for him. That’s when the trouble started. Priya was very dignified, but Lindsay was so rude. She acted as if she’d had no idea Vikram was married, and tried to make it clear that Vikram was her friend. Others had to step in to calm things down.
Vikram’s family worry that Lindsay is bad news and want him to stay away from her.”
In the wise words of Pastoress Khia: YAAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!!! The shifty vodka landslide of coked up stupidity is FINALLY speaking my language.
LiLo couldn’t get hired as an off-camera fluffer in a bare bones budget porn parody of her life, so I’ve been saying all along that it’s time for her to trade in her coke shovel for a gold digging shovel. LiLo is allergic to working and has several nostrils to feed at home, so switching careers from “piece of party-ruining trash” to premiere gold digger is just a good move. Yes, Vikram will never divorce the mother of his child to marry a trick who looks like Gollum meets the Slumdog Millionaire outhouse bath scene, but you can’t blame a ho for trying! I’m rooting for her!
And I love that LiLo put her “hairdresser” in the baby’s room. “Why does this strange rattle look like a plastic bag full of opiates?” is a line the nanny definitely said sometime this week.