When Your Wax Figure Is Less Waxy Than You Are

September 23, 2011 / Posted by:

On the left is a wax-covered inanimate object that is full of chemicals and will melt into a puddle of bad decisions if it is put under the sun, and on the right is a wax-covered inanimate object that is full of chemicals and will melt into a puddle of bad decisions if it is put under the sun. Seriously, both of these bitches belong in the SALE section of the Yankee Candle catalog.

At Madame Tussauds in Las Vegas yesterday, Fergie Ferg proudly unveiled the wax figure she made herself by using her newly sharpened nose to chisel out her likeness from a block of melted honey candles. The belle of Hacienda Heights christened her new wax figure by grabbing onto its plastic wax tit balls for the cameras. Now Fergie knows how her doctors feels when they give her plastic wax tit balls a squeeze during a breast exam.

But seriously, I don’t even know which one looks more like the real Fergie. That walking wax figure in the red dress looks more like Lacey Schwimmer with a deflated chin. This was just a bad business decision on Madame Tussauds’ part. Fergie rotates and pinches her mug so often that every few months Madam Tussauds will have to hire the Holmes on Holmes crew to renovate her wax figure’s face so it matches. IN THIS ECONOMY nonetheless!

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