Brenda Song’s mother, Mai Song, performed an Auntie Lindo-like monologue for Radar last week when she said that she did not raise her daughter to fully give in to the temptations of the Cyrus beast and that gentle neighing that’s tickling the hairs in your ears is not coming from any of of her kins’ wombs. I believed Mai Song at the time, because a Thai mother never lies. I only say that last part, because my friend’s Thai mother once told me that my thigh fat spread too much when I sit down. I was 9. She was right. BUT WAIT! Brenda Song put leather booties on her graffiti skeleton pony and took him for a quick gallop around the mall in Sherman Oaks, CA.
Now, my ass isn’t calling Mai Song a total lie maker, but if I distracted Trace Cyrus with a bushel of crab apples and dropped a baby carrot in front of Brenda, “surprise” would not be an emotion I would feel if a half-Asian anime pony galloped out. But then again, it’s a well known that fact that when a bitch dresses like Snooki, she looks like she has the build of Snooki too.
Mai Song would never lie to all of our faces…um…laptop screens, so let’s just choose to believe her truth. But the minute you see a ball of teeth coming out of Brenda’s cooch, book that Flicka fucka on bestiality charges and call it a day.