Well, that’s one way to get bed bugs off of a mattress via mass bed bug suicide. Throw a Lohan on it!
According to Radar, Lindsay Lohan has to show her drunk melted face in an L.A. court room on October 17th for a progress hearing on how much of a dent she’s put in the 480 community service hours Judge Stephanie Sautner ordered her to complete for pleading no contest in that jooree snatching case. If Blohan’s community service sentence was a crack rock (street name: sea jasper), she would’ve only smoked a sliver of it. A source says that LiLo has done 60 of 380 community service hours at the Downtown Women’s Center and has completed zero of 100 community service hours at the L.A. County Morgue.
Some hos might see this as another symbol of how this LiLo keeps ass fucking the blindfold right off of Lady Justice, but the Lohans see this as the glass being half full of whiskey. (“It isn’t half full anymore. I dranks it.” – White Oprah).
LiLo’s lawyer and her other advisers are telling her that she needs to complete more hours of community service before the hearing. Naturally, LiLo responsibly responded to their pleas by buying a ticket to Italy for Milan Fashion Week! As Florence sends Milan the tanker truck full of antibiotics they sprayed their streets with after Jersey Shore terrorized their city, the source said this to Radar about LiLo’s community service situation:
“Lindsay has completed about 60 hours at the Downtown Women’s Center. Lindsay hasn’t done any time at the morgue. Lindsay has completed her shoplifters awareness class but is falling behind on her other commitments.
Lindsay’s team is telling her she needs to log significant time to show the judge that she is working towards completing her hours, but she is ignoring them. Lindsay’s rationale is that she has a year to complete the service, so she isn’t concerned about it right now. The judge has told Lindsay in the past that she will not accept any excuses whatsoever for her failure to complete her community service, period. If Lindsay was smart, she would work to get those hours done.”
Saying “If Lindsay was smart” is just like saying “If my asshole had a clit.” Community service is just another orange parking cone to LiLo.
When bitch’s progress hearing day comes, she’ll argue that she did complete all of her community service hours, thankyouverymuch. While in New York, LiLo counseled elderly coke hyenas (see: LiLo face humping White Oprah) and single-crotchedly rid Manhattan of the bed bug epidemic (see: picture above). And LiLo proved she’s serious about her sobriety by throwing a cocktail at a trick instead of drinking it. How can Judge Stephanie deny those selfless acts?
Besides, what is the judge really going to do if LiLo doesn’t complete her community service? Throw her in jail? The world would throw itself into the sun to stop all the laughter if that happened.