Merv Griffin’s Grave Will Be Rolling Today

September 21, 2011 / Posted by:

Toddlers & Tiaras is about to be replaced as the #1 TV show in the pedophile ward of state prisons, because everybody’s favorite creepy gay husband made of discarded plugs and his air quotes teenage bride have made everybody at The Soup squee themselves inside/out by signing a deal for their own reality. Radar reports that Courtney Stodden stuck out her lizard tongue, dipped it in an ink jar and slithered out her signature on a contract with Merv Griffin Entertainment. Wait. I should rewrite that last sentence in the kind of Twitter whore baby talk that speaks to Courtney:

Radar seductively reports that the sensuous creature Courtney Stodden provocatively grabbed her sexy husband’s long hard pen and deliciously dipped it into her wet ink jar and salaciously saturated the voluptuous contract with her pleasurable signature of lustful desire. I LOVE JESUS!

Courtney’s pimp of a mother Krista Stodden says that they went with Merv Griffin Entertainment, because they believe that is the company who will put them in front of all of the best networks even though we know the only network that is going to buy this skankified creep show is PBS (PedoBear Broadcasting Service) or…..TLC (same thing basically).

Doug and the garden gecko who had a lobotomy with a Real Doll also said that nothing is off limits and they will show every uncomfortable part of their lives like this:

Shouldn’t they be washing her instead of the car. You know, a video that can double as soft-core pedo porn and soft-core gerontophile porn should not exist.

I just watched some crazy bitch pour bleach into another crazy bitch’s contact lens case on The Bad Girls Club, and now I wish she would come to my apartment and do the same thing to me. Because Courtney and Doug’s reality show is going to make all of us long for wholesome entertainment like 2 Girls, 1 Cup.

Either Courtney and Doug’s show is what you see when you stare into the eyes of a locust in the Apocalypse swarm, or this is just an elaborate marketing campaign for clear bra straps.

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