B. Coop’s Publicist Is The Hardest Working Ho On The Stroll

Now that Blake Lively’s publicist landed her a full-time temp-to-perm gig as Leonardo DiCatchaHo’s piece, they are sitting back, marveling at the bland fruits of their labor and passing their tricks of the STUNT QUEEN romance trade to Bradley Cooper’s publicist. I say that because that fiction fan-writing bitch is going at it hard. Case in point: B. Coop pursed and winked at JLo during a romantic date over a week ago and the details magically landed in TMZ’s inbox from the e-mail address “bradleycooperisaheterosexualvaginalover@rocketmail.com.” Contract negotiations must’ve broken down like Skeletor’s metabolism when he eats something other than virgin plasma, because B. Coop has wiggled away from JLo and is off doing the heterosexual mating dance with other pieces.

An “eyewitness” tells Life & Style (via NYDN) that B. Coop threw flirty eyes at ScarJo and held her hand while partying with friends at some club in NYC the other night. This mess reads like something out of Choose Your Own Beardventures.

“Scarlett and Bradley arrived with a small group of friends, including model Cheyenne Tozzi, around 2am. While Bradley was flirty with Cheyenne initially, after some drinks he turned his attention to Scarlett. The duo were hand in hand and more than flirty by the end of the night!

They were here with a group of friends and ordered champagne. The group was having a good time together.”

ScarJo’s rep says that they have been good friends ever since doing that shit show He’s Just Not That Into You together and if they held hands they did it as friends only. Okay?

But you know, I, for one, love it whenever “Bradley Cooper is a pussy wrassling man whore who licks the ladies” is shoved down our throat holes, because it tastes like nothing but strawberry-flavored Booty Eaze gel and Victor Garber’s taint sweat.