DWTS: Nancy Grace’s Daughter Says It All With A Nose Pick

September 20, 2011 / Posted by:

The devil was dancing last night! Literally.

Nancy Grace’s daughter, that precious little angel who is already an expert at perfect timing, joined America in giving her mother’s TV dance debut two boogers, a nostril hair and a wet finger. Shut down the voting lines, because I can say with complete confidence that Nancy Grace’s daughter picks for all of us now. Actually, I take that back. If Nancy’s daughter pulls out a juicy hairy dingle, the judges might think that means all her votes go to Nancy.

Slutty Floridian murderesses went wild last night, because the one Luciferling who always has one eye on them had to look away for a minute to seduce the audience at Dancing with the Stars. It was the moment that millions of genitals passed out without help from a chloroform cloth.

The opening package where Nancy Grace swirled her humongous tits around like she was stirring an imaginary witch’s cauldron with them was so terrifying that I hope Casey Anthony sees it every time she pulls her eyelids down. And then when Nancy Grace dragged her chichis of destruction out from behind that desk, she looked like Thomas the Tank in Eddie Izzard drag. Like a bewigged Hulk on happy gas.

You know, Nancy does have some rhythm and the Satanic sparkle in her eye told me she was having fun. But that’s probably because she used her powers of imagination (and you know she has one of those) to pretend that the dance floor was Casey Anthony’s grave.

I give Nancy’s performance three mucous drops from her daughter’s nose.

Then there was Chaz Bono!

Before the show even started, some “inside source types” whispered around that Chaz’s skills were going to make Kate Gosselin look like the spirit of Ginger Rogers slithered up into her asshole to dissolve the stick up there and take over. But Chaz wasn’t that bad. As one of my friends said, Chaz dances like Grimace and looks like fat John Goodman in Death of a Salesman, but I was expecting a stiff ball whose out-of-breath wheezes had more rhythm than his moves.

I give Chaz one corroded nugget and a wet hair from Nancy’s daughter’s nose.

As for which trick will be voted off and melted down into the oil used to run that robot Brooke Burke, do you even have to ask?

I’m surprised George Clooney didn’t drop this womp womp trick a long time ago. With the sad way she tries to move her hips, you can tell she’s a flop at the strap-on helm.

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