Being A Crazed Crackhead Asshole Pays Off

September 20, 2011 / Posted by:

I didn’t spend one minute with the premiere of Hobo Yanni on Two and a Half Men or Comedy Central’s Annual Douche Barbecue, because if I want to slowly torture all of my senses, then rainbow sequins and satin-slathered crotch bulges must be involved (see: Dancing with the Sores). But Charlie could give three tiger clits and a warlock dick (Side note: Googling “warlock dick” taught me is the name of the man who played psychotic human killer Michael Meyers. There has to be a connection there somewhere.) that some of us didn’t watch the pimples on his ass lips get flambĂ©ed by comics and Steve-O. Charlie don’t care, because he’s too busy drawing up blueprints for his planned tunnel to Colombia with rest stops at the finest underground whore houses in Mexico and South America.

TMZ reports that Charlie and Warner Bros. have settled their fight over the warlock cock bag getting kicked off of Two and a Half Men. WB will cut Charlie a $25 million check in a couple of weeks for work he has already done on the show. On top of that, Charlie will get around $100 million over the next 10 years for syndication profits. If you were drawing yourself as a She-Ra character on your paper bag book cover during math class and missed the whole “adding and subtracting” part like I did, then let me do the calculator work for you and tell you Charlie is going to get at least $125 million for this shit.

The thing that hurts me in the soul most about this news is that it brought back the hash tag from hell #WINNING. The good news is that this new mountain of cash will keep Charlie busy while keeping the bad shit and porn pussy peddling trades alive. And if that doesn’t keep Charlie busy, then somebody please tell him that it looks like he has a pair of hair tits on his head. Trying to motorboat his hair will keep Charlie from leaving the house for the next few weeks.

Our commenting rules: Don't be racist or bigoted, or post comments like "Who cares?", or have multiple accounts, or repost a comment that was deleted by a mod, or post NSFW pics/videos/GIFs, or go off topic when not in an Open Post, or post paparazzi/event/red carpet pics from photo agencies due to copyright infringement issues. Also, promoting adblockers, your website, or your forum is not allowed. Breaking a rule may result in your Disqus account getting permanently or temporarily banned. New commenters must go through a period of pre-moderation. And some posts may be pre-moderated so it could take a minute for your comment to appear if it's approved. If you have a question or an issue with comments, email: michaelk@dlisted.com

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >