John Mayer's Throat Won't Let Him Be Great
All of John Mayer's upcoming performances and the release date for his new album have been pushed back thanks to a growth that is clinging near his vocal cords and makes him feel like tiny Jessica Simpsons in spiked heels are tap dancing out the invisible words "sexual napalm" on his throat when he tries to sing. This is just too too toooooo easy (kind of like John Mayer's dickkk), so I'll just let you read what he wrote on his Tumblr (via Vulture) about the gonor-, I mean the granuloma that won't let him yodel.
Hi everyone,After several months of going week to week monitoring and hoping to correct the condition, I am forced to cancel my upcoming singing engagements due to something next to my vocal cords called a granuloma.
I’m bummed to have to bow out of both the iheartradio Music Festival in Las Vegas and an appearance with Tony Bennett in Los Angeles. I know there were people depending on me to be there and I’m sorry that I can’t be on those stages.
‘Born and Raised’ is complete as far as music recording, song selection, and in some cases mixing, but because of this condition I couldn’t finish singing on several of the tracks. This means the record will be released next year instead of this fall or winter.
This is a temporary setback, though I’m not sure how long or short a period of time it will be. I’ve got the best doctors in the country looking after me and I will be singing and touring again as soon as I get the all clear. Until then I’ll be spending time writing and composing more music and kicking an empty soup can around the West Village.
I’m looking forward to seeing you again soon. Until then take good care.
John
Well, at least now John has more time to devote to perfecting his bottom of the barrel Johnny Depp impersonation. You need more white pressed powder, John!
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I remember reading an interview he did when he was doing the promotional rounds for his last album. As I was watching him, I actually started to...dare I say, feel sorry for him. He grew up with parents who had a tumultuous marriage. He seemed anger and bitter about it too. I think(not sure, I will look it up) he is the one who put his father in a retirement home after his parents finally divorced. I also think his father was dead set against his music career--they took him to see a psychiatrist. lol. This is the reason why I think he resents them. I mean, why not let him live in his home? Or, maybe that is where his dad wanted to be.
IDK, but it just goes to show staying together for the sake of kids never work. They will go from having a fucked up childhood to having a fucked up adult like with man and/or woman issues. Nor, will they be able to keep a relationship together to save their lives.
*Change is inevitable; progress is optional
*She who conquers herself, conquers all
Submitted by AtlantaGirl on Tue, 09/20/2011 - 7:35am.
I think he writes some wonderful songs too... unfortunately, for whatever reason, he has chosen to be a douchebag to more women than many people would ever have to opportunity to, and it was due to his fame. Fame made him a scumbag... but the scumbag CAN write...
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I guess it's best to end a relationship the same way you start it: absolutely fucking tanked. MK 6/11
Submitted by kanderso on Tue, 09/20/2011 - 11:05am.
Karma!! I hope he goes mute.
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That's what I'm thinking! It comes around one way or another.... douche!
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I guess it's best to end a relationship the same way you start it: absolutely fucking tanked. MK 6/11
Karma!! I hope he goes mute.
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
...returning soon, to man a gas station pump near you ..
Unlike most of the universe, I still think JM is a nice guy. I wouldn't say I was friends with John, but we were acquaintances in the late 90's. He worked as a doorman at a local music venue & jumped at every chance to play at their open mic night. To me, he was someone who was somewhat reserved but came out through his music. It wasn't about the money, the fame, the chicks... it was about the music. As he became more "noteworthy" locally, it seemed like he struggled & was gracious but uncomfortable. I see the young, awkward, somewhat band-geekesque guy that has developed a "persona" to deal with an unnatural & uncomfortable situation. He went back to Eddie's last fall for an unannounced show - and I saw someone who was a smidge overwhelmed - he came to Eddie's Attic to work there bc of the legendary history - Indigo Girls, Jennifer Nettles & Kristian Bush (of Sugarland), Edwin McCain, Shawn Mullins and a host of others who there...
I still think he's an incredible lyricist.
I don't like the cut of his jib and his voice makes me want to cry out in agony. I fucking HATE his voice. I mean, sucks for him to have this going on, I reckon, but fuck this guy.
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Devil's advocate.
i hate john mayer as much as the next person, but that granuloma shit sucks. i had them removed two years ago. i smoked for years (quit now) and thought for sure it was the big c and i was fucked. after you have them removed, not only does it hurt when it heals, but your throat gets a weird texture. at first it just hurts. then it feels very dry and even taking a breath made me cough. then when it starts to heal it has this gross phlem-y feeling. it still gets dry and makes me cough every now and then, like if im doing some deep yoga breathing and i bend my head back too long. i love how dramatic he gets with the "kick a can" shit. all he has to do is drink tea, eat ricolas and lay off the bong for a while. dude will be fine.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
@Rusty
Cover your ears for this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOObkV5AqEg
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 11:10pm.
If you grew up with Sesame Street, try laughing like Bert and Ernie. Their typical laugh is exactly like the Dutch pronounce their 'g'.
It's terribly glottal, like a smoker?
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 11:10pm.
No. :( But will find on YT. Thanks.
He also hasn't been running around lately terrorizing us with fool antics. Member the shorts? Or Chestica?
http://www.thesuperficial.com/john_mayers_big_gay_boat_ride-03-2009
We're indeed fortunate hos.
.
.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 11:03pm.
If you grew up with Sesame Street, try laughing like Bert and Ernie. Their typical laugh is exactly like the Dutch pronounce their 'g'.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 10:57pm.
I can relate to him, because my throat was not made to speak my mother tongue. Not kidding. The Dutch 'g' is my worst enemy. Just try pronouncing for one day, and you'll know what I mean.
OK. Give me a word in English or French that has the same G.
I can relate to him, because my throat was not made to speak my mother tongue. Not kidding. The Dutch 'g' is my worst enemy. Just try pronouncing for one day, and you'll know what I mean. So if weren't for our vocal limitations John and I would both be nothing short of stellar.
J'aurais voulu être Juliette Binoche. Dans ce cas là, je serais née à Paris et je n'aurai pas mal à la gorge tout le temps.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Thank you, God.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Thank you, God.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
He's ok in my book Hipsters I Love to Hate Them by Ima Wiener.
Your ass is on your head.
Hey... Frankie says, "Relax!"
ubmitted by Caramel on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 6:23pm.
That woman really doesn't want to be photographed with John Mayer-who can blame her?
LOl! It certainly could not be a positive thing!
Mayer is lamer than lame can be. He really pounds on the layers of sheer boredom.
I guess now he'll more time to Bensen some Hedges.
Why doesn't he just tattoo "Imitative Douchebag Forever" somewhere on his person and be done with it?
You know what this means, right? Yup, more tweeting.
So he's just walking around looking like Jack White who's trying to look like Johnny Depp. Derp derp derp...
Johnny Durp.
Fantastic news! That Fadder and Dutters
song is terrible.
At first glance I excitedly thought that was a pic of Johnny Depp (on a bad day), sooo disappointed to find it's just douchey ol' Mayer. :(
Hey John...
Hope your granolayomomma Doesn't get better soon. Bitch!!!
xoxo
Jen
That woman really doesn't want to be photographed with John Mayer-who can blame her?
I hope he gets well.
I swear to God when they are with Jennifer Aniston they are Hoooot. When not, not.
the term "dolt" comes to mind whenever i see John Mayer... this occasion is not an exception.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
That iheart line up looks great, too bad it sold out in like 5 minutes...
>.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.<
The best thing about being a medical assistant is you get to wear scrubs!
just hock up a big loogie already & stfu
ima listening to brother johnson "stomp" cause i wanna stomp on this peckerhead
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
I too know not one John Mayer fan. I can't stand this douchebag but I do hope his froat gets better. Maybe that will cure him of his need to still use the word "bummed".
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I don`t know a single John Mayer Fan, either. But it gotta suck not being able to "work" due to Health-shit. Not that he is going to be in the Poorhouse anytime soon. But even though he is a douche, i hope he gets better.
*txts Karma "Bitch, check out my post on the John Mayer thread"*
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Submitted by Ms.Fit on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 5:06pm.
Submitted by illuminaupolis on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 4:31pm.
Exactly who are John Mayer fans? Seriously, I've never met one.
-------> I hear David Duke is a HUGE fan.
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LMAO!
Hank Williams Jr. wants his look back.
So, he won't sing anymore???
"Drops to knees to pray to my God"
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
Submitted by illuminaupolis on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 4:31pm.
Exactly who are John Mayer fans? Seriously, I've never met one.
-------> I hear David Duke is a HUGE fan.
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I will give you twenty-four hours to deliver that witch to me or I will personally eat, fuck and kill all three of you.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 4:42pm.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 4:35pm.
That'll teach him to put his mouth in dirty places.
Yeah. I immediately thought HPV. (I should add that Trinidad has, since graduation, shut down my medical school.)
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Trinidad? I would've said Kellogs. :D
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The first duty of an historian is to be on guard against his own sympathies ~ James Anthony Froude.
Okay. Go away Mayer. Next.
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Crazy Heart, "Weary Kind", Jeff Bridges - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8monRJzzvU
Dre,Eminem, Skylar - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e
Halo2 "Heretic; Hero"
Prolly has throat problems because of all the diarrhea that comes out of his mouf....
Poor baby.
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It's not that serious.
Sole member of the Jennifer Aniston cheer squad.
How can I hate him so much but still be moved by his music? He can make love to my ears but my eyes tell me "no, no, no".
This twat should stop sucking on the sexual napalm...then maybe his throat will heal...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by joe shmoe on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 4:35pm.
That'll teach him to put his mouth in dirty places.
Yeah. I immediately thought HPV. (I should add that Trinidad has, since graduation, shut down my medical school.)