Emmys Open Post: Hosted By The Always Stunning Cojo!

September 18, 2011 / Posted by:

If you took one look at that picture and thought to yourself, “Damn! Tipper Gore is looking sessy hot!”, then please slap your b-hole not-so-gently with a Parental Advisory sticker, because how dare you do Cojo like that.

It’s that time of year again when every single bitch from HBO and Mad Men gets on the stage and try to look shocked when the audience throws hundreds of gold angel with rhino horn wings at them. I’m praying to this plastic cup full of a ghetto mojito (Bacardi and Sprite) I’m drinking that our lady of lip liner Spaz de la Huerta mistakes Fishsticks Paltrow for her arch rival from The City (because they totally look alike) and throws another drink at her head.

And I don’t know why I chose Cojo as a host. How can you focus on some ho in a $50,000 borrowed dress accepting an award that should’ve gone to Ma from Ma’s Roadhouse (since she deserves ALL the Emmys) when you’ll be too busy trying to shove your nipple knob into Cojo’s pucker hole. I’m sure your ass can multitask. Nipple hump away!

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