Hot Slut Of The Day!

Larry Merchant, the 80-year-old HBO sports commentator who has been analyzing boxing since the legendary Godfrey vs. Raymond match from the first holy war and who unwrapped the expired caramel square in my heart last night when he told Floyd Mayweather that if his bones were 50 years younger he’d knock a bitch out! Everybody wins when a Not The One Pepaw threatens to let a bad hip be damned and put a beat down on a young whippa snappa!

So, there’s this thing called welterweight boxing where sweaty muscled-up pocket hotties bust face-twisting blows into each other’s faces and necks for money (not to be confused with gay midget porn) and last night in Las Vegas Floyd Mayweather and Victor Ortiz went at it. USA Today tells me that some people weren’t happy with how things ended, because Victor headbutted (which always sounds to me like the name for giving head to a butt) Floyd and then the latter “sucker punched” the former to take the win.

Well, I guess Larry Merchant doesn’t ever sprinkle sugar on Floyd, because during a post-match interview the new champion went off at the old bitch for never giving him a “fair shake.” Floyd said Larry “ain’t shit,” Larry told Floyd he wish he was 50 years younger so he’d kick some ass and we all screamed YES!!!

Oh, Floyd. Don’t act like like we all don’t know that before you were welterweight champion of the world, you were wearing tiny hats like nobody else while throwing hot sass on movies as your stage name Miss Blaine Edwards. Uh huh. You were a classy lady then, so act like a classy lady now, bitch! No, I don’t mean that. If Floyd never got bitchy on Larry then we would’ve never had this beautiful pay-per-view moment.

I, for one, can’t wait until Mayweather vs. Merchant 2011.

via Deadspin