Dear Lindsay Lohan, You Aren't The Only Drunk Mess Of A Plastic Skank Out There

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's joke of a career (or whatever you want to call it) showed up in the obituaries a long time ago, but that isn't stopping those corroded and faded fame balls from trying to resurrect the dead by bringing back their glory days! And at her 25th birthday party in Las Vegas last night, the former prized steed of MTV partied as if she just rolled out of White Oprah's twat.

Horsey Montag would've done a Blohan by throwing her drink at a photographer but: a) Heidi only gets 2 bottles of Andre from the club and she's not about to waste the sweet nectar when she can barely afford to buy a shot of Thunderbird from a drunk homeless man. b) Most horses get the spooks around camera flashes, but that shit is like a feedbag full of sugar cubes for Heidi's soul so she's not going to piss off the three photographers who only showed up for the free 3 bottles of Andre the club promised to give them (yes, they get more free bottles of Andre than Heidi does).

The Daily Mail says (no, they didn't) that Twit and Twat set the club on fire with their fiery hot glamour and the sprinklers came on. But that's probably just because the Nevada Health Department wanted to really make sure they bathed before they got close to the public.

And it looks like Heidi's silicone hemorrhoid face finally settled so much that now it looks like an inflatable trans pony (a tranapony!) that was overinflated with cold farts and just sprung a leak. Just bloated, melted and ready to party!

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by angela34 on Thu, 11/10/2011 - 3:16pm.

She looks like she's very proud of her breasts, I think you guys are just mean. After I saw she had a breast intervention I thought about getting one myself. I am currently still researching my Seattle breast augmentation options.

Submitted by HangryHippo on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 8:54pm.

oh holy dina! it's painful just to look at her. can she move her face? ah how terrible.

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Submitted by blueangel on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 5:23pm.

IMO her face looks worse now than it did right after surgery. She's also gained weight which is obvious in pic #7. I would guess their ages as mid 30's and they have alcoholic bloat. Sad.

Submitted by Solaera on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 10:03am.

Submitted by AgentM on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 5:28pm.

She ruined her whole self.

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She sure did. I have heard Heidi say that the surgeries have left her unable to work out, which is probably why she looks as thick as hell. How sad is that? You fucked yourself up so bad that you are unable to exercise by 25?

Submitted by pixxxie on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 9:57am.

i have to also disagree with people saying she looks fat.. she doesn't look fat but she does look drug bloated..

she looked a hot mess before even arriving..

i feel bad for her though because she looks like a walking zombie and nothing is going on ... on the inside.. empty shell of a person.

Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 7:18am.

Her head looks like it could pop right off her neck.

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Submitted by igloosrus on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 6:12am.

This girl was high as a kite before the party started. They probably can't afford cocaine, so I'm going with oxy's....

Submitted by Dr. Dick on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 6:00am.

Bitch looks at least 35.

Submitted by parkerj on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 4:54am.

She looks like a straight up porn star. and much older than 25.

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"Bye, Whore" -MK

Submitted by Albatross on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 4:47am.

Nope, still fugly. She looks older than 25.

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Submitted by Juniperjump on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 3:47am.

Wow- I actually feel a bit sorry for her looking at those pics. Back in the day I used to watch the Hills and I just imagine her mother and family (who actually seemed pretty normal) and they must just want to cry when they see her.

Submitted by MissKnownUnknown on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 12:51am.

Awwww, Tranapony came out to celebrate that she looks a hot bloated fake mess at the age of just 25.

Sometimes karma gets it just right....now back to your stable!

Submitted by Dgrin on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 11:58pm.

also that dress makes her look fat, it doesn't quite fall gracefully on her figure cause of those huge chesticles, i mean she reminds me of Mariah Carey who decided to get those couple of year-old implants to balance her out of shape thick body(match the ass) instead of getting back on that treadmill.

Submitted by Dgrin on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 11:53pm.

ohh dayum, now that her fake tan has worn off you can actually see how deformed she is underneath like that face is one sweat away from melting to the floor,

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 10:50pm.

The same goes for women who pay good money to do some sort of sauna work out. I just wear a garbage bag under my running gear to the same effect. If she wanted tips on how to do things the cheap way she should have come to me. The XXL version of that butt cost me virtually nothing.

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Who are you calling silly cow?

Submitted by sarah990 on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 10:47pm.

I do not think she is fat at all but she looks bloated from drug use. I mean just look at her eyes and that was BEFORE the party. It's just sad, she was actually a good looking girl before the surgery.

Submitted by Wood Dragon on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 10:44pm.

She looks like a late 30s bar slut hoping she can still work a drink out of the old desperate guy by 1:45

Submitted by babybunny on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 10:30pm.

she looks just so damn strange now...all that money to look like whatever that is...karma obviously killed her plastic surgeon cause trust...he basically aged her 15 years..or more...bitch is just scary looking now....why are they relevant and why torture us with this fuckery...they both suck...

Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 10:27pm.

His face looks like a bloated mess too, not just hers. And his flesh-colored albino brows and facial hair scare me.

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Submitted by CryWolf on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 10:20pm.

Just out of curiosity, does Douche wrap that mug of her's in a paper bag when he nails her?

Submitted by sonah22 on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 10:13pm.

I don't get it. Don't eat, but then attach a plastic booty and boobs to yourself to look like you eat. Why not just eat???

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"Stretching your face until you're barely recognizable doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you a bad person to look at sometimes." -MK

Submitted by CryWolf on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 10:11pm.

Karma is both fugly and desperate. Someone should remind this disaster her 15 minutes of fame ended a long time ago.

Submitted by kiwikim on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 10:00pm.

She's not fat. Those shoes that tie at the ankle make everyone's legs look short and stumpy. And her fake boobs make her look fat too. I do see bloat in the face....I'm guessing that's just plastic surgery. But he arms and legs are still reasonable to me.

What's up with all the long, white hair=Anderson, Lohan, Montag, Anne Coulter et al. It's gross. It went out in the 80's. Didn't work for Pam Anderson, don't know why anyone else would follow suit.
Rule of thumb-if madonna never tried it with her hair, you shouldn't either. That leaves every look you can think of but this one.

Submitted by ScarfnBarf on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 9:55pm.

Both look bloated in the face. Popping pills much?

Submitted by ginger_t on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 9:51pm.

Egads, all of the glitter.

I think she has put on a little weight, she's looking thick in the middle. Also, there must be something wonky with her cleavage, because she was all about flaunting those Z cups after the surgery. This dress looks positively demure (with her rack covered up)compared to the tiny shreds of fabric she was wearing before.

Five'll get you ten she shows up as a wrestler in the near future.

Submitted by LoCoJo on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 8:46pm.

They look like the former "it" couple of their high school at their 10 (20?) year reunion that didn't do half as well for themselves as everyone (and they) thought they would.

Submitted by Jintess on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 8:41pm.

She's not fat.
The Hills was running the other night (4 episodes) and it was either that or infomercials, so I checked it out if for no other reason than background noise.
She really was a pretty girl before all that mess she had done. She just came across (and I don't know if this was part of the show or not) as a people pleaser and kind of a doormat.
Spencer knew she wanted kids and went to the doctor about a vasectomy without telling her. Wimpy wuss pulled out (heh) because the doctor explained the procedure and that the majority of the time it is irreversible.
She found out....and stayed.
The plastic surgery (imo) was just another way to keep him around. He's just the kind of pig who would say shit like "If only your breasts were bigger you would be the perfect woman" or something.
She's just the type of person who would fall for it hook,line and sinker.

He's no prize, so I don't understand any of it.

Submitted by bookworm on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 8:26pm.

Submitted by ZenShaman on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 5:25pm.
To those who think she is fat - You are fuckin' delusional.

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Agree with you 100%!

Submitted by bookworm on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 8:23pm.

I hate, hate, hate this stupid, plastic bitch, and her creepy, manipulative, slimy husband.

Submitted by ARIES1B on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 8:14pm.

What has she done to herself?..she can't be 25 she looks 10 years,at least,older...Stupid,stupid girl..and Spencer Pratt,what a fitting name for such a manipulative cunt of a husband.One can only hope she comes to her senses...someday.

Does it look like I've given up the meth?

Tevness.

Submitted by Anonymous Q on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 8:00pm.

1. Did anybody besides THEM attend this "party"?
2. Did she get MORE surgery? Or are her plastic parts turning on her? I don't know how she's managed to look worse than the first time she revealed her new face.

Submitted by sweetblueberrys... on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 7:59pm.

I thought her face was supposed to "settle"! WHY IS IT NOT SETTLED?!! AGHHHHH!!!!

Why is her hair all thrown to the side? I hate when women keep playing with their hair and then toss a section like it is all of a sudden a "sexy hair style". No, it's not. You were too lazy to do anything with your hair. It's not sexy. It's lazy.

Submitted by tojo on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 7:52pm.

Bleck...

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...the end

Submitted by liverwurst on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 6:31pm.

Still ugly.

Submitted by Slipknot on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 6:27pm.

Wow, she really was cute in the "well enough alone" pic.
Now all I can hear is Robert Shaw in Jaws: "a doll's eyes... lifeless eyes"

Submitted by GreenFairy on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 6:27pm.

Long toe nails are so gross...
Gorilla toes in French manicure...bleah..PUKE!!!

Submitted by Beyotch Puhlease on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 6:22pm.

Wow, those two cretins must have really hit the skids hard! Spencer can't even afford to keep up the blond dye job on that rat's nest he calls hair.

Submitted by Arlene Machiavelli on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 6:17pm.

Should have left well enough alone

Submitted by JesusKisses on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 6:12pm.

It's like her chin is part Hydra...they cut it off and one bigger and badder grew back.

I feel almost sorry for her. Almost.

Submitted by JesusKisses on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 6:13pm.

damn sorry that posted like twice.

Submitted by JesusKisses on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 6:12pm.

It's like her chin is part Hydra...they cut it off and one bigger and badder grew back.

I feel almost sorry for her. Almost.

Submitted by caprica six on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 5:51pm.

Stan, agreed. Seriously. Didn't he splurge all their money on fucking crystals and survivalist gear a year ago in his paranoia?? ffs.

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Submitted by Stan Dup on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 5:46pm.

How do Twit and Twat still manage to survive? Is she an escort or something?

Submitted by Stan Dup on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 5:39pm.

I would totally do a threeway with Horsey McShitface!

Submitted by CoconutCoochie on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 5:35pm.

She's 25? Wow.

Submitted by misslainey on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 5:23pm.

25?!?!

Submitted by becky n sydney on Sun, 09/18/2011 - 5:22pm.

Most likely she was hooking in Vegas and her birthday just happened to fall into her fuckforcash schedule. Probably blew a few high rollers in exchange for a cake and a bottle of bubbles.