It Ain't The Emmys Without Chicken Cutlets
A flock of pigeons out of Prince's ass carrying a dreamcatcher crashed into Phoebe Price's head, but that didn't stop the international supermodel and the hardest non-paid hustler in Hollywood from singeing the carpet fibers at the Emmys with her her charbroiling posing skills. Every year, the nominees (except for Mad Men who will still be nominated posthumously even after the show gets cremated and sprinkled into a whiskey) and host changes at the Emmys, but one thing always stays the same: Chicken Cutlets is always there to fill a bitch's seat when they're not in it and if she happens to leave a butt burp that smells like star dust and burnt bouillon on it, then they should consider themselves the real winner of the night!
I can already hear you PP haters (let's call you Incontinent-als) asking, "But Michael, it wasn't the Ho Stroll Strollers Who Don't Have A Real Job Awards, so why was PP there?!") Please do your research before you ejaculate the hate from your fingertips. I'll have you know that Chicken Cutlets played the pivotal role of "Marie - Customer with Car" in an episode of The X-Files in 1993. PP is practically TV royalty! The academy obviously knows they wronged Chicken Cutlets by not giving her an award for that groundbreaking performance, so they bring her back every year and quietly honor her in the backroom with a special ceremony (aka seat filler orientation). And PP also makes a few extra coins from handing out mints in the women's restroom during commercial breaks. The Emmys is NOTHING without her.
And here's a few pictures from last night's shit (don't worry, I'll get to the attack of Goop's gut in a second). In order: Chicken Cutlets, Kyle Richards, Chris Colfer, Christine Baranski, David Boringanus with his wife (their high school prom pose game gets an F), Elisabeth Moss, Azteca from Antz, Joel McHale with Rainn Wilson, Julia Stiles, Kelly Osbourne, Lea Michele, LL Cool J, EMMY WINNER Margo Martindale!!!!, Padma Lakshmi, Rico Rodriguez and Taraji P. Henson.
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I'll bet all these hos had to pay to get in.
The stupidest thing about Giuliana is she's only 36 yet can't figure out why she can't get pregnant. Pay me the $60k or whatever she's spent on IVF and I'll provide her the answer.
Margo Martindale! Terry Gross played a scene from Justified during her interview with MM last week, and it scared me so bad I had to change the channel till it was over. When a bitch can scare you just on the radio, she's FIERCE!
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"Bitch, stop. We're not a family of Martha Fucking Stewarts."
Guiliana Rancid looks worse than Cutlets.
She is ok for her but her dress is actually very pretty.
I'd turn for Padma Lakshmi.
Why this bitch -Azteca from Antz- is still relevant, I don't know?!?
Who Wore It Best?
Hands down...the toofpick.
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I will give you twenty-four hours to deliver that witch to me or I will personally eat, fuck and kill all three of you.
Pheobe is always a class act. She looks great...Ok maybe that thing hanging off her head is a little much but really truly a star. And besides I HATE everybody else at the Emmys.
By the look of it Giuliana Rancic's hairdresser went on strike halfway through her dye job.
I'll probably live to regret saying this, but I think that PP is actually very pretty. If only she weren't such an idiot.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
@SANS FARDS
AMEN about the hotness that is Kyle Chandler! I love love love FNL. I was rooting for Connie Britton too. Saw her here in Dallas at a burger place, and the woman is stunning as well as talented.
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Put on your lip gloss, plump your chichis and let's get back to the main event.
~ Michael K
Phoebe would be one of the only ones I could name, not really having watched TV beyond Simpsons, South Park, and Food Network.
Ugh, somebody taught Leah Michelle how to pose for her life and now she things she's fashion. You can put pearls on a pig.....
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
I'm just happy Mah Boo Kyle Chandler won for Friday Night Lights. Now I and other FNL fans will shut up about it ;)
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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK
Love Chris Colfer <3
There bloody well ought to be a warning before
human eyes are subjected to Rancid. A thumbnail is far too much.
" The thing about love is you're always at its mercy"
Yay Margo Martindale!
And holy shit Christine Baranski looked amazing. LOVED her dress.
Never thought I'd say this about someone, but Julia Bitchface Stiles could really use some help in the boobage department. That dress makes her look like she has a pair of silver dollar pancakes taped to her ribcage. Might be alright if she didn't have a face like a skillet.
Why does Kelly Osbourne go to such heroics to keep her weight down and shoehorn herself into torturously small clothing, only to dye her hair grey?? Or is it lavender? In any case, DOES NOT ATTRACT.
So glad Margo Martindale won. She was AMAZING in Justified.
Phoebe is my "Friend" on facebook, I got to see the outfit she picked to wear yesterday...
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 9:35am.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 9:29am.
Ugh I hate that ano fad!!!! When Julie Bowen got up to accept her award last night I actually gasped. She looked AWFUL...and she just had a baby. Too skinny.
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Jesus motherf... she just had a baby?!
Yeah, the ano "trend" is scary, I'm very scrawny myself and just to show how some people's perception is distorted, after doing a complicated tonsillectomy I lost several pounds, and many girls complimented me. I was borderline Auschwitz territory, at 5' 4¼" and 92 lbs, hungry as all fuck. And those girls would ask me what was my "secret".
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"Most people are average, neither black nor white. They're gray. A dirty shade of gray." - Dmitri Shostakovich
Baranski looks good.
Thx for link to Kerry W- can't stand her! She always looks hongray though.
Still liking Fishy's dress the best.
Julie Bowens twins were born in 2009. They are 2 year olds now.
Rusty...right? she still looks fab but bitch please...you're not 20.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
all I have to say is SOFIA VAGARA (VIAGRA FOR OLD MEN) hands down brought it. I usually can't stand her ugly loud personality and her sausage casing outfits but she got rid of the bloat, very streamlined, althletic even, kept the curves and did something to her face which I'm not sure.But she looked fresh and GOOD. Good dress for her to show her curves. You can have curves at size 6-8 as well as size 47 DDD
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 9:29am.
Ugh I hate that ano fad!!!! When Julie Bowen got up to accept her award last night I actually gasped. She looked AWFUL...and she just had a baby. Too skinny.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Submitted by guest on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 9:26am.
LOL. Good is good, even if a twat is wearing it. That J-Lo ad bugs me, too: the song, her doctored image, the notion that men are still throwing themselves at her...
She really does fill seats, right? Do seat fillers get paid? I guess they can walk the red carpet to feel speshul?
I hate my job and this ho is getting her picture taken for sitting in a seat while the original seatee is taking a pee or getting a couple of drinks. Ugh.
Baboob lipped banshee looking bitch.
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Put on your lip gloss, plump your chichis and let's get back to the main event.
~ Michael K
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 9:25am.
She keeps getting invites because as a retired prostitute, she began to tape her liaisons with the rich and famous towards the end of her career as insurance. Lilo, take note.
Just kidding. Phoebe Price is an unsolved mystery.
hahaha. She really is, as MK said, a seat-filler. The story from hometown locals is her dad had a successful car dealership in Alabama. Her mom sold it after he died. If she supplements her income here and there, who among us can judge?
...and Kerry Washington, who I usually think is a fucking goddess, looked startlingly thin last night, sporting major bobblehead and bony chest:
http://www.fabsugar.com/Celebrities-Red-Dresses-Emmys-19102339
I hope that shit is temporary. I love me some scrawny chicks, but that is not her best look.
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"Most people are average, neither black nor white. They're gray. A dirty shade of gray." - Dmitri Shostakovich
I like PP's jaunty little hats.
double post.
Just a clarification, its Doves rather than Pigeons that fly out of Princes culo.
(He explained it in his song 'when the doves cry'.)
Rusty...i saw that on the Today show. the commentator was all "THAT SLUT" but i kinda liked it too & that's prolly why. lol. & if this fiat jlo commerical doesn't stop playing imma scream.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
She keeps getting invites because as a retired prostitute, she began to tape her liaisons with the rich and famous towards the end of her career as insurance. Lilo, take note.
Just kidding. Phoebe Price is an unsolved mystery.
Rusty: OOOO I like it too, thanks!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Now that google tries to predict what you are looking for if you google Phoebe Price (DONT JUDGE ME)...one of the first things that pops up is Phoebe Price - Dlisted. It's OUR fault people!
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Snowpiece: http://www.elle.fr/People/Style/Look-du-jour/Le-look-du-jour-Gwyneth-Pal...
PP doesn't really bother me unless she is talking... kinda like most women.
*runs* :P
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
I know we're just teasing here, but seriously, how DOES Phoebe Price get invited to these high-profile events? Maybe she came as someone's date?
I thought the Emmys were actually pretty funny and entertaining this year. When the Lonely Island was freaking Bill Macey - LOL. And I was super happy Melissa McCarthy won - LOVE her.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
What is this? Has man successfully morphed into pig? She isn't fat by any means, but fuck, the beam, the hue, the nostril sitch, the mad eye... Ugh. I want bacon now.
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
I remember hearing that Phoebe Price was an heiress, or somehow comes from money. Don't have time to look it up. Plus the headband biz.
"I've had an awful lot of lovers ... And a lot of awful lovers." - Shirley MacLaine
Ugh, Phoebe's MAKEUP. Jesus fuck. I hate that super pale pink lipstick trend.
Giuliana looks like something straight out of a pro-ana blog.
And God how I hate that Lea Michelle chick, she's got such a punchable face, doing those lame poses like she's in fucking Vogue or some shit. And don't even get me started on her faker than fake smile.
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"Most people are average, neither black nor white. They're gray. A dirty shade of gray." - Dmitri Shostakovich
rusty: where is fishy's dress?
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
I don't like Paltrow but her Pucci dress looked kinda cool. Sort of Indian-inspired. Her Emmy's gonna make her even more insufferable.
I despise Fugliana Rancid. She's ugly and vapid.
Christine Baranski and Julia Stiles ROCKED!!! Or maybe I'm just biased b/c I love those b!tches. All the other wh0res were just meh though.
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"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the
Taraji--that dress is ugly.
David Boreanz and his wife remind me of Daisy and Tom Buchanan in the Great Gatsby.
Phoebe Price - The somewhat revised version of Lindsay Lohan