The FBI is currently looking at those hacked pictures of ScarJo’s nips and ass, and as soon as they come out of that locked room with the silk tie over the door knob, they’re going to start investigating the hacking of Mila Kunis’ phone too. Oh, I bet they are. There’s your tax dollars jacking at work!
TMZ reported a few days ago that the same hacker who snatched ScarJo’s 250 pixel titty off of her cell phone also pulled some 21st century Hackers shit on Mila’s phone. But unlike ScarJo, Mila was not ready to make her nekkid cell phone picture debut and kept all of her goods off of her phone. The only semi-scandalous pictures on her phone were of Justin Timberlake and another picture of a mysterious peen. At the time, amateur detectives and hos thirsty for Timberpeen assumed he pulled his dick out of the box and made it smile for Mila Kunis. And you know me…
There are many peens that I want to meet in person and/or through a picture, but Justin’s has never been one of them. If you rolled around in my laptop’s cache, the words “Justin Timberlake penis picture” would not stick to your body. Surprisingly. But after I read that a Justin Timberlake dick pic is somewhere out there, dickmatization took over my body and I searched everywhere for it. I traveled through the forums of Sean Cody cum shot videos and down through the dungeons of old Jack Wrangler pictures. I came up with a lot of future fapping material (thank you, internet), but I did not come up with Justin Timberlake’s dick. And now TMZ tells me it was all for nothing!
The peen portrait on Mila’s phone does not belong to Justin and his down low stuff has never posed for a camera. Justin really knows that the dick on Mila’s phone doesn’t belong to him, because there’s no scar on it from the time Brit Brit mistook it for a white cheddar Cheeto.
So if it isn’t Justin’s dick. Whose is it? Don’t even tell me it’s Macaulay Culkin’s, because I’m not ready to find out where searching for “Macaulay Culkin penis” on Google will take me. (SPOILER ALERT: It took me here. And I’m done.)