“I look like a transsexual anyway. I’m a woman, but I’m super-exaggerated with my boobs, my ass, my makeup and my accent. When I get ready for an event, I always look at myself in the mirror and say, ‘I look like a transvestite!’ I love it.”
It doesn’t matter that Sofia might not know the difference between a transvestite (Danny Aiello in Prêt-à-Porter) and a transsexual (a beauty of the night who Eddie Murphy brakes for). The only thing that matters right now is that stunning old picture of Sofia wearing glamour cut bikini bottoms that I wish would make a come back.
On top of asking herself “Do I look like a transsexual?” before she leaves for the night, Sofia should also ask herself “Does this lip liner make me look like a chola flower on the cover of Jail Babes Magazine?” and “Did I need to sharpen an eyeliner pencil at least three times to complete my brows?” If she doesn’t answer YES to all three of those questions, she needs to go back and add more of everything.