These Messes

September 15, 2011 / Posted by:

There definitely is a more creative and wittier headline out there (and it isn’t coming from me), but that’s the first thing I said out loud when I brought up these gorgeous portraits from the gutter. Then I went to pee (which stung, by the way, and I blame these pictures), sat back down and thought the same thing again. I was about to type “Look At What The Cat Dragged In,” but that would’ve been factually incorrect on every level. I know some dirty skanky alley cats who consider a pigeon’s anus as a meal and even they wouldn’t put their mouths on either one of these bumbling busted bitches. It’s like Courtney Stodden took her Dorian Gray portrait out for a 40. You decide which is which.

If you were in the Meatpacking District in Manhattan last night and were wondering why flies riding roaches riding rats were galloping through the streets in hoards headed uptown, it’s because the living embodiment of Grey Gardens for the crack whore set came out to party. Just a mess. Lindsay Lohan looks like she’s a shot away from spiraling into a drunk coma right there on the street while dumb-eyed White Oprah is too blinded by the fame to care.

LiLo: Um. Mom? The tequila went straight to my legs and turned them into worms. I’m just going to go mimi times on these strange looking tiny grey pillows.
White Oprah: HOLD ON TO YOUR 8-BALLS, BOYS! BAM! YES! BOOM!
LiLo: No, seriously, why is that man in a black hood carrying that thing the Grim Reaper carries winking at me?
White Oprah: THE NAAAAAAME ON EVERYBODY’S LIPS IS GONNA BE…WHITE OPRAH!
LiLo: Where am I? I see a bright light.
White Oprah: IT’S THE CAMERAS, BABY! FLASHING FOR ME…I MEAN…US. SPARKLE, KITTEN, SPARKLE!”

Seriously, White Oprah is Lucifer in Chinese Laundry heels.

That being said, White Oprah has never looked hotter. Well, her look is very “tired Regan-era call girl who got demoted to the morning shift but still shows up to the hotel bar at 8pm on Saturday night like she’s prime shit.

And LiLo might look like she’s about to pass out, but apparently she got some energy when she got inside the V Magazine party at The Boom Boom Room. This happened:

@womensweardaily Women’s Wear Daily
Lindsay Lohan just threw a full drink at a boy at V magazine party who dared to snap her pic. #NYFW
11 hours ago via web

The boy was a photographer for V Magazine who added this (via ONTD):

@JasperRischen Jasper Rischen
Wow. Lindsay Lohan is as trashy as they always say. She threw drinks and glasses to me as we tried to take a shot for @vmagazine. C.u.n.t.
11 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

And then this happened:

@Styleite Styleite
And now people are bleeding at the @vmagazine party. Not sure what’s going on, but it’s at Lindsay Lohan’s table.
10 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone

To clarify: girl left in an ambulance but looked OK. FDNY were calm, took their time. Didn’t look like a suicide attempt, just an accident.
9 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone

Yup, still got it!

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