NOT THE FUDGESICLES!!!!

September 15, 2011 / Posted by:

During a press conference at the Toronto International Film Festival for his home invasion movie Trespass (Side note: They should make a Spanish homo invasion threesome porn called Tres Ass), legendary crazy bitch Nicolas Cage spewed out more insane crazy in the form of a story bout how many years ago somebody broke into his house. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the repo man coming to take away the Italian Armor Sculpture he bought on Sky Mall. Nicolas says that it was a naked dude in a leather jacket nibbling on a Fudgesicle. Hey, that’s the opening scene of my Spanish gay porn Tres Ass! The craziness directly from the crazy’s mouth (via Reuters):

“It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed,” he told reporters on Wednesday.

I know it sounds funny … but it was horrifying.”

Nicolas said that he was able to talk the nekkid biker Fudgesicle-sucker out of his house before he called the police. Crazy Old Nick never pressed charges, because he says the man had mental problems. Yes, the Fudgesicle-sucker sounds crazier than a Lohanhouse rat, but if you’re in a house with Nicolas Cage, you’ll never be the craziest bitch in the house. Truth.

You know, if this story came from anybody else whose brain isn’t completely marinated in crazy sauce, I’d say they mixed their shrooms with bathtub acid again and forgot that the dude in the leather jacket was actually a leather top they met in the Yahoo chat rooms who quickly taught them that it’s not a good idea to drink coffee and eat mushy pears before butt sex. But since this is Nicolas Cage we’re talking about, it was totally just a dick flasher eating a Fudgesicle. Or Nicolas woke up in his mirrored room again.

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