Nutty Madam Creams Over The New Twilight Trailer So You Don't Have To
Twatlight: Breaking Hymen made a number two on the internet last night by releasing its second trailer and not one second of it has scooted across my eye balls or ear drums. There really is no point. The only reason that Latter-day Saints lady wrote Twilight was so they could make movies, and the only reason the movies were made was so that there could be trailers for Nutty Madam to react to on YouTube. Nutty Madam is the throbbing clitoris of Twatlight. This much is true.
So why watch the trailer when you can BE the trailer and watch as Nutty Madam loses her virginity, gives birth, has a coronary, dies, turns into a ghost and gets spooked by her ghost reflection in the mirror all in the span of just a few minutes. Yes, Nutty Madam is definitely turning up the levels of ridiculousness and the panty putting pot pie she gives birth to might not be made of completely authentic ingredients, but it still wouldn't be Twilight Trailer Day without her.
You know, sometimes when my spirit is broken and I feel like I'm trapped in the middle of a Sam Cooke song, I lift myself up by doing the following:
1. Bring up a Nutty Madam reaction video.
2. Mute it and make it full screen.
3. Take off all my panties.
4. Put on this song:
(Sidenote: Edward and that Jacob trick should really settle their feud with a dance off.)
5. Daaance daaaance daaaaance in front of Nutty Madam.
6. Allow my spirit to turn its frown into a smile as my hot naked dance moves send Nutty Madam on a roller coaster ride of emotions.
You should do the same. Doing this will take you higher faster than masturbating while eating ice cream will. Guaranteed! It will also leave you permanently dry in certain parts, but there's a price for everything!
• 
did she say something about Kabbalah hands at 1:32 ?
abba dabba doo
I'd rather fuck Christopher Lee at 89 than any of these emotwitards any day. He's my favorite fanged one. But then there's always my man Anthony Higgins from Vampire Circus, a delicious glam-rock Marc-Bolanesque kind of vamp.
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You must forgive my curiosity, madam, and open your knees.
Fat people disgust me.
There's no backstory in this, they just do.
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You got a lot of money, but you can't afford the freeway
i tried this dance sequence tonight and, let me tell you, nutty madam will never be the same again
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Submitted by ponchiks on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 2:55pm.
The lameass explanation is that since he's a Mormon vampire, he hasn't had sex, wet dreams or masturbation in 119 years, so he's got a bunch of stored-up sperm that's just been sitting there until he finally blew his load.
Of course that's fucking stupid because
1. Sperm goes bad if it isn't kept at VERY cold temperatures or in a human body.
2. That sperm would still be human not vampire, so Bawla Wan (that's what a sporker calls her) would get knocked up with a human baby.
3. Really, would you expect any horny emo brat with lots of money and no religious convictions to never bonk a whore or two in a whole CENTURY?
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Wait....What????? People actually found that plausible? What?
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
I feel sorry for humanity.
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
There is now nor has there ever been anyone who needs to get laid as much as this chick does....
>.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.<
The best thing about being a medical assistant is you get to wear scrubs!
Hee! My sis-in-law is in the background of "Once Bitten". The good old days!!
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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I've never seen one of these films or read the books. But I want to go with this girl to the opening. I'd just keep a seat between us so she doesn't break my nose with her flailing arms.
John who hates fat people, what are you doing in Wisconsin? Move to Somalia. You will see nothing but thin people. Maybe you could even help someone.
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"I'll take a whack at the fuck myself!"
This franchise needed to die like, yesterday.
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"Fuck that guy for thinking anyone and everyone should want to do Glee."
- Dave Grohl
Call me nuts but I think Nutty Madam is in on the joke. Sure she probably really is a Twihard freak but I also think she knows this shit looks funny.
wait... what? there's ANOTHER movie??
when does this shit end?!?
eta: this girls hysteria caused both my dogs to run around barking at the crazy.
I've seen the first three movies with my daughter. So I had to read all four books. And I will go see the last two movies with my daughter. But this lady freaking out over it is just stupid. She must live vicariously through the whole Twilight series and think they are real people. How sad.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 3:31pm.
Fuck, there is something wrong with me because I'm sitting here thinking that Taylor (wolf) dude is fucking hot.
Relax.
I was watching Linkin park's new video thinking about how hard I'd fuck them I'm old enough to be their.........big sis... hahaha.
"slinks away to adjust Depends."
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 2:56pm.
$100 says Jon from Wisconsin is a former fattie still dealing with his insecurities. The only people I know who have such venom towards fat people were people who used to be fat.
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or a fatty in real life who makes statements like that online to feel better about himself. it happens all the time. he probably just tells himself he's big boned or tells other people that he lifts weights. you dont know how many fat guys i met from an online dating site that say the same things.
i dont care about someone's weight. crazy twilight shit = not my friend. i have zero interest in that dreck bullshit.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
Dear Lord...I only made it to one minute of that mess. I can't believe people get so excited over that shit!
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"It's all fun and farts until somebody gets punched." -MK
"GREEN MILE MOTHERFUCKERS! JOHN COFFEY HELP US!" --urmomma, 8/24/11
@ Sweetas
Pssst...vampires can't get it up. No blood, no erection. You're welcome. :p
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Chaz Bono will not agree on this.
Pssst...vampires can't get it up. No blood, no erection. You're welcome. :p
Submitted by christine the hoff on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 3:27pm.
jonfromwisconsin:
Well, here's an excellent way YOU can keep your weight down, eat shit and die.
LMAO!
I only got to part where she starts waving her arms like she's trying to stop traffic...girl is cra-zazy in a huge way!
Does she realize that she shows more emotion in 1 minute than they do in those movies EVER???
*only saw the first one, gay BFF held me hostage and I've since blocked it from memory (the herbal may have helped that part haha)*
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"Peachy with a side of keen, that would be me"
Fuck, there is something wrong with me because I'm sitting here thinking that Taylor (wolf) dude is fucking hot.
Submitted by howdareyou on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 2:54pm.
I haven't read any of these shitbooks, but someone here posted a link to this http://satireknight.wikispaces.com/Twilight so I won't ever have to read them.
Yeah, that's a great site. She's also doing New Moon, but sums it up as "I'm so bored I could die."
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
jonfromwisconsin:
Well, here's an excellent way YOU can keep your weight down, eat shit and die.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
I like her. She would've been great in The Blair Witch Project, except she'd would be telling the witch to GTFO of her way cuz she's stalking Eddie, instead of running away.
Look, you can't tell she's "Special?"
Jeus, get a clue and give her a fucking break.
that's somebody's daughter,sister, cousin, friend.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
Submitted by ponchiks on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 2:55pm.
The lameass explanation is that since he's a Mormon vampire, he hasn't had sex, wet dreams or masturbation in 119 years, so he's got a bunch of stored-up sperm that's just been sitting there until he finally blew his load.
Of course that's fucking stupid because
1. Sperm goes bad if it isn't kept at VERY cold temperatures or in a human body.
2. That sperm would still be human not vampire, so Bawla Wan (that's what a sporker calls her) would get knocked up with a human baby.
3. Really, would you expect any horny emo brat with lots of money and no religious convictions to never bonk a whore or two in a whole CENTURY?
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
jonfromwisconsin:
I FUCKING hate fat people. This girl makes me sick to my stomach. Joking or not, she deserves to be gutted, smoked over an open fire, eaten, shat out than reformed into a skinny person in front of her parents for fucking birthing such a piece of worthless shit. I FUCKING hate fat people.
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I bet he is married to one.
Submitted by howdareyou on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 3:07pm.
Submitted by ponchiks on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 2:55pm.
Oh, and one last question- how can a dead guy get a chick pregnant?
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They're Mormon vampires, so God and Brigham Young made the males AND their sperm immortal (but the vampire chicks, being Mormon chicks, are sterile).
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Oh, that explains it.
*blink*
*blink*
Really?
Submitted by justincase on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 3:04pm.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 2:59pm.
**********
Or Ricki Lake.
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Lol. Hey joe, how's Montréal?
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Hey, justincase, thanks for asking. My daughter has just moved there for university and she is crazy about it. I unfortunately don't live there -but visit occasionally :)
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Submitted by ponchiks on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 2:55pm.
Oh, and one last question- how can a dead guy get a chick pregnant?
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They're Mormon vampires, so God and Brigham Young made the males AND their sperm immortal (but the vampire chicks, being Mormon chicks, are sterile).
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"Your ignorance makes me ill and angry. Your savageness...must...end."
If she's this wigged out watching the trailer, I'd hate to be at the cinema with her. Actually if you turn the sound down, her facial expressions are not unlike the reactions to the 2 girls 1 cup video that were all the rage a couple of years ago...
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
jonfromwisconsin:
I FUCKING hate fat people. This girl makes me sick to my stomach. Joking or not, she deserves to be gutted, smoked over an open fire, eaten, shat out than reformed into a skinny person in front of her parents for fucking birthing such a piece of worthless shit. I FUCKING hate fat people.
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You poor thing. Want a hug?
Submitted by joe shmoe on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 2:59pm.
**********
Or Ricki Lake.
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Lol. Hey joe, how's Montréal?
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 2:56pm.
$100 says Jon from Wisconsin is a former fattie still dealing with his insecurities. The only people I know who have such venom towards fat people were people who used to be fat.
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Or Ricki Lake.
ETA: Actually, I'm wrong there. He's an equal opportunity hater, who hates most people.
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I didn't know Miss Ireland had her own website!
@ jonfromwisconsin
Is the new diet filling you with low self-esteem, jon?
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 2:36pm.
What the hell kind of speech impediment does she have?
Schscscshtop it.
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Hahahaha..I wanna hear her say "Kisch my roschy red asch" (a little joke around my office, repeated with requisite wet speech impediment)
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$100 says Jon from Wisconsin is a former fattie still dealing with his insecurities. The only people I know who have such venom towards fat people were people who used to be fat.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Oh, and one last question- how can a dead guy get a chick pregnant? It's against the laws of everything! I know that sperm lasts for about 7 days on the inside, but he's been dead for decades, so it should have had died very long time ago. Fucking glitterrati vampires.
Someone needs to get this girl a sparkly thing for her hair.
Ooops, double post.
I'm excited about Breaking Dawn but no where this excited. :)
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
I FUCKING hate fat people. This girl makes me sick to my stomach. Joking or not, she deserves to be gutted, smoked over an open fire, eaten, shat out than reformed into a skinny person in front of her parents for fucking birthing such a piece of worthless shit. I FUCKING hate fat people.
I haven't read any of these shitbooks, but someone here posted a link to this http://satireknight.wikispaces.com/Twilight so I won't ever have to read them.
Meyer has reportedly made over $100 million from this crap. Fuck. Me.
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"Your ignorance makes me ill and angry. Your savageness...must...end."
And I do have to say that she is very brave by leaving the comments on, as some are truly nasty, even by my standards.
Submitted by ponchiks on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 2:43pm.
What happens in the end anyway? Do they all die?
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Hopefully!
I've heard rumors that she just pretends to go crazy to make fun of the Twitards. I hope she's the real deal though . . . if not, that will be the final nail in the coffin of my trust in people :p
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"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the
I went to see one of the Twilight movies in the cinema once. And I swear to God that every single female there- ages 10 to 100 was behaving just like this wacko here. I had to leave mid-movie as I just could no longer stand it.
What happens in the end anyway? Do they all die?
Also I thought she was saying waffle sex and clearly it was waterfall sex
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-