The DC Heidi Montag Is Alive And Screwing On The Guitarist From Journey

The Seal Team 6, The National Guard, Sylvia Browne, peroxide-sniffing dogs and a group of concerned citizens (body count: 0) all gathered in Virginia this morning after noted STUNT QUEEN, White House Crasher and asshole of The Real Housewives of DC, Tareq Salahi, told TMZ that he believes his wife and partner in fakery Michaele Salahi was kidnapped since she hasn't been home for a full day. The good (?) news is that Michaele wasn't snatched, is still alive and simply took a midnight train. The bad news is that the midnight train wasn't headed for the edge of a cliff. The midnight train was headed for Nashville where Michaele met up with her side-piece Neal Schon from Journey. HAMber alert!

This pr stunt mess all started when Michaele called Tareq last night from a strange phone number and said she was going to her mom's. Michaele's mom told Tareq that she never spoke to her daughter and she wasn't at her house. So naturally, Tareq figured that Michaele was kidnapped and her abductors were making her say she's okay. When Michaele didn't come home this morning, Tareq begged the FBI to help him find his wife. The FBI rolled their eyes and wouldn't waste tax dollars on that mess since they know how the Salahis do it. Tareq later held a press conference where he said that he's being serious and asked the public to help him find his wife ("OKAY!" - nobody from the public).

Tareq might need the public to help him find a divorce attorney that works for free, because a rep for Journey confirms to TMZ that Michaele is traveling around Tennessee with her piece Neal Schon. A source claims that Michaele and Neal have known each for a while and used to crash each other's genitals.

Is TMZ sure they got a statement from the real rep from the real Journey? Knowing Michaele's lying ass, she's probably really dating a guy who once sold a guitar to Neal Schon on Craigslist and gets his biggest score on Guitar Hero when he plays "Any Way You Want It." I hope I'm right for Neal's sake. It's one thing to always get mistaken for a Claymation Bruce Springsteen, it's another for people to think that you're doing one of the White House Crashers.

Posted by: Michael K

•

Real Housewives Shit • Stunt Queens

Submitted by Raul Duke on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 8:15am.

♫♪ " When your wife goes down in the City...."♫♪

http://youtu.be/i9WOdnR-Nfs

┌_П┐(•_•)┌П┐__
I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.

Submitted by shandi on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 9:59pm.

Submitted by not shocked on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 9:36pm.

I think it's funny how all these old burnt out and don't know when to quit and retire rockers play all the indian casino circuit gigs

*************************

Journey is still selling out major venues. I don't know what Steve Perry is doing, but I have heard he has a new CD coming out soon. Can't wait to hear it.

And no, this is not a bad picture of Neal. I just saw them in July and this is exactly what he looks like. I don't know if he had plastic surgery or not (or care). I've never really kept up on Neal Schon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK

Submitted by shandi on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 9:54pm.

Submitted by Athina on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 8:08am.

Being a HUGE Journey fan back in the day, the way I remember it is Steve Perry quit that bitch for a solo career, and he and Neil had a lot of bad blood after that. Anyway Journey is touring again with some little Philippino twink on vocals. He does an awesome job, but he is NO Steve Perry. I would never even dream of seeing Journey unless Steve Perry was on vocals again. Nevah evah.

**************

Athina, that's what I said. But my son wanted to see Journey, so I took him this past July. The new singer has a fantastic voice and not only that, he has a true passion for the music. It was a great show. Do I wish it had been Steve? Of course. Was I disappointed? Nope!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK

Submitted by z-listed on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 5:55pm.

These stupid assholes! Male stupid asshole thinks wife stupid asshole is kidnapped so who does he call first? Local news reporter, that's who!

I wish these two a long slow happy life, chained together in a maximum security prison.

Submitted by manye on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 10:07am.

LMFAO - claymation bruce springsteen!!!!!!!!!

********************************
My name is Manye, Manye Breast

Submitted by dlaugher on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 9:40am.

Dang, i just snorted snot on my cereal.

"Hamber alert." Using it!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Amnesty International
Shine a Light

Submitted by Cindyloo on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 8:40am.

Either that is a bad pic of Neal Schon or he's gone under the knife.

Michaele needed some more press and her husband needs more too. It could be a publicity stunt. How about sending those two on a one way trip to the space station?

________________________________________________
"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."

Submitted by WallyRaffle on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 7:58am.

ah stan, seeing your avvie is to me like an ok go video to hipsters.

Submitted by REDMOND on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 7:17am.

This new guy is as gross as her fat old husband!

Submitted by anna hannah on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 7:01am.

The only way this whacked out bitch is fucking on Neal Schon would be if Journey is in some kind of pre production for a new Reality show, fame whores are always looking to up their chances to grab more shit face time on TV.

Submitted by Stan Hooper on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 6:55am.

This story may be the best thing to happen to Neal. I didn't know he was still alive????

Should be sending FBI to see what happened to him instead???

=========
Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie

Submitted by BrianDoh on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 6:52am.

Apparently, when it comes to penises attached to money, Michaele's vagina has a "Don't Stop Reciving" policy.

Submitted by rukiddingme on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 6:48am.

OMG, MK, that was hilarious!

www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.

www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.

Submitted by Athina on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 6:38am.

Submitted by Vern on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 5:45am.

Ha Suzy-we was thinking alike-you must type faster!
:)

*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011

Submitted by Vern on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 5:44am.

I think y'all are missing the point of this story.
MK has given us ANOTHER new punchline:

Besides clamation Bruce we have:

"HAMber alert"

*dies*

*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011

Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 5:42am.

As usual MK has me peeing my pants and blowing snot. So many gems!

Submitted by Spoiled on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 5:41am.

Submitted by reality check - "...Neal Schon looks just about right for a 57 year old rocker..."

Correct. A 57 year old rocker that's been at it for 42 years! If he had taken the gig he was offered with Clapton (when he was only 15), rather than Santana, he would have had a different path.

Haven't seen the show, but have to admit what a brilliant douche Tareq is for calling her out in this manner.

Submitted by parkerj on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 5:31am.

How is this getting any news. It should be in fine print in some local paper. These people are trash.

Submitted by seejaneclick on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 5:09am.

What.Ever. She didn't exactly trade up since he's a hasbeen and obviously doesn't have too much money since he still tours. I'd be more impressed if it was Keef Richards, but even that old piece of jerky has some taste.

Submitted by reality check on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 5:03am.

The Salahis are co-dependent nutjobs and Michaele is a compulsive liar but even she probably got tired of the Tareq drama. It must be exhausting. Neal Schon looks just about right for a 57 year old rocker.

Submitted by christine the hoff on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 1:25am.

I don't care what band he's in, he is one ugly motherfoo.

------------------------------------------------
Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.

Submitted by literarylioness on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 11:50pm.

I would have held out for Steve Perry, but he is so much more classier than Neal Schon.

Submitted by Baby Jane Hudson on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 10:50pm.

This guy looks like he went through a fire .. about 20 years ago BUT he prolly has money and can do much better than than idiot publicity seeking bag. I would be embarassed if I were him and this came out. LAME.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 9:04pm.

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 10:30pm.

I can decipher the odd foreign word, but that post has me stumped!!

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 9:00pm.

Hi Becky!

In light of the understated, how are your reading skills?

Submitted by kerrymegan on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:48pm.

"After age 24, white people don't be lookin too good. Ya'll need to learn the letters SPF and learn them well."

Funny stuff, me thinks. More so than that tunnel web spider of yours, because I haven't slept since. How am I ever going to make it to your place for dinner (Spinach and ricotta cannelloni, please) if I have to brave flying over shark infested oceans AND these things???

-----------------------------------------------------

Who are you calling silly cow?

Submitted by reality check on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:57pm.

Neal definitely dyes his hair! I like the Filipino guy, Arnel Pineda, that replaced Steve Perry. He's very good!!

Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:52pm.

Good morning back, Mickey!

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:50pm.

The husband is always the last one to know. Everyone else saw this coming from a mile away, seeing as even kindnappers have standards.

Goeiemorgen/goedenavond, BTW!
---------------------------------------------------------

Who are you calling silly cow?

Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:37pm.

"Claymation Bruce Springsteen" is fucking hilarious!!!

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:31pm.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:02pm.
I think I just Stopped Believing!

______________________________________________

brilliant. well played, sir.

_______________________________________________

"Fuck that guy for thinking anyone and everyone should want to do Glee."

- Dave Grohl

Submitted by Terri on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:29pm.

Lord love a duck. I swear...if my hubby called the FBI every time I got distracted by the mall when I had intended to go visit my mom, the FBI would have our number blocked on their phone system.

Submitted by HangryHippo on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:28pm.

wow. what a gorgeous couple....of turkey jerky nutsacks

www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack

Submitted by not shocked on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:06pm.

I think it's funny how all these old burnt out and don't know when to quit and retire rockers play all the indian casino circuit gigs just to get laid by leathery old estrogen patch bitches

Submitted by kndall44 on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:03pm.

Shouldn't these Salahi terrorists be sitting in jail already?!

Submitted by Dr. Cornelia J.... on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 7:57pm.

Ha ha that loser Tereq obviously has a small penis and is unable to satisfy that little wild cat. He comes from a family of terrorists, and she's every kind of whore.

Submitted by 18thCenturyFox on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 7:46pm.

So Ross Valory's son was in the same elementary school class as my cousin. For her 6 or 7th birthday there was a Journey themed party and he was there and played some stuff for the kids. I was in heaven since I've been huge on Journey since like my time as a zygote. Best party ever.

" A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. "
Oscar Wilde

Submitted by sushi on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 7:37pm.

I'm so tired of these whores.

Our local news in DC just opened up with this fucking bullshit. Embarrassing.

Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 7:24pm.

♫ A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night ♫

Submitted by kerrymegan on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 7:18pm.

After age 24, white people don't be lookin too good. Ya'll need to learn the letters SPF and learn them well.

OMG this entire post is hilarious as is this comment. LMFAO MK

Submitted by kittymuffin on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 7:17pm.

sigmund

Submitted by kittymuffin on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 7:13pm.

who are they

Submitted by Winnyfranfran on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 7:13pm.

I used to love Neal Schon. He has not aged well at all. Pity.

Submitted by dementa on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 6:58pm.

Somehow when I imagine these two having sex, I imagine Michaele smiling vacuously and fluttering in a little-girl voice the whole time. Ew.

I guess since RHoDC was canned, she's gonna get fame the old-fashioned way: by fucking someone more famous than yourself.

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by Bjork You on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 6:57pm.

I thought Steve The Nose Perry left to pursue a solo career ("Oh Sherry"). And someone needs to tell Mary Schon that she is a mere two steps away from a Jheri Curl.

Submitted by theresapop on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 6:55pm.

Didnt Neil fire Steve Perry from Journey um yeah count that as biggest mistake number 1 of his whole life this is mistake number 2 what a dumb ass he should have just banged the real Heidi much hotter although plastic but I doubt she knows who any of the members of Journey are....