White Oprah Is Not Worried About Ali Lohan's New Face

White Oprah's vodka plunger mouth has been mysteriously shut during this whole "Ali Lohan now looks like a walking Weekly World News cover" mess and I just figured it's because she doesn't issue a MAN DOWN CODE 10 ALERT unless her ATM card stops working or the delivery dude from Beefeater doesn't show up to fill the gin cooler in her bedroom...and I was right.

White Oprah, seen in the picture above as Mother Unnatural, is telling her friends that everyone can calm their hot b-holes ("Mix a little coke with the innards of a wet Sleepytime Tea bag and rub it on the hot spot real careful-like" - White Oprah giving her mostly herbal remedy of the day!), because her 17-year-old daughter hasn't plasticized her face and isn't anorexia-ing her way to model beauty.

White Oprah says Ali is just going through a growth spurt! You know, because every 17-year-old's growth spurt looks like it was watered with heroin juice and fertilized with back alley collagen that might really be gel soil. A source had this to say to Radar about what White Oprah sees through her delusion-colored eyes:

“Dina is adamant though that Ali is just going through a very big growth spurt, and there is absolutely no cause for concern. If Dina thought for one moment that Ali was suffering from an eating disorder, or feeling the pressure to be thin, she would terminate Ali's modeling contract, and get her the necessary help.

Ali is the one who has pestered her mom for years to get into the business. Dina held-off for years, but felt now the time was right for Ali to get into the business. As long as Dina isn't concerned, Lindsay isn't worried either.”

Oh, that White Oprah is such a restrained pimp. Whoring Ali out in that reality show and pushing her in front of the paparazzi any chance she gets definitely falls under the "holding off" category. White Oprah would never allow Ali to tap dance down the same tragic road as Goddess Bunny and she'd never replace her bowl of morning cereal with a bowl of mashed Leptoprin and Diet Red Bull. NEVAH! But mostly because do you know how fucking expensive Leptoprin and Diet Red Bull is?! It's Mexican Ephedra and toilet bowl cleaner all the way!

White Oprah might be a creature of evil that Lucifer looks to when he needs inspiration, but she's a frugal creature of evil that Lucifer looks to when he needs inspiration. TYVM.

Posted by: Michael K

•

Please Report To The Devil's Office • White Oprah

Submitted by from athens on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 12:36am.

Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:06pm.

Have we stopped to consider that WO has a case of Munchausen's-By-Proxy? It kind of doesn't fit the pattern because her children are older, but I think it's a variant or hybrid...

I know Kris Kardashian is a mad stage mother/pimp type, but she isn't killing her children. And I am not using the term "killing" lightly.

She definitely gets off on the negative attention, too. When Ali dies of organ failure, she is going to be in her glory, crying to the tabloids, etc. She didn't succeed in finishing Lindsay off, because Linds is tough like a cockroach. Ali is a lot softer (look how little time it took to tear her down!).

Foul cunt.
---
exactly,curious case is almost gone

Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 8:11pm.

And isn't it ironic? a little TOO ironic that we...the haters I guess seem to be more worried about Ali than her own mom.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jne9t8sHpUc&feature=related

Submitted by super-ette on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 6:57pm.

Here's the thing about lying - any idiot can do it. The Lohans have all had work done. Anyone with functioning eyeballs can see it.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 6:51pm.

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:30pm.

Has WO ever considered grooming her kids for an actual job?

""""""""""""""""""""""""""
I'd be happy if she just instilled some basic life skills.

Submitted by urmomma on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 6:21pm.

I hate us for doing this.
we did this.
the blohans.
we did.
I accept it.
Samro and lyndsay.
I did this, but in my defense I was sucked into the scenario by the cool rock tee shirts that sammy wore.
*guilty*
I was sucked in by the freckled chichis. That is my fault....just like a saturday night at a random bar.
Tagic on sunday morning.
*gives out fake numerals.walks away.reports self*

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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK

Submitted by Get Serious on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 5:21pm.

The lohans: a family America continually has to apologize for...

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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer

Submitted by Athina on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 5:20pm.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 2:47pm.

Athina, Wendy Williams is beautiful?

EEK. I run for remote whenever I see that Tranny on my tv!

---------------------

hahaha... I don't know, maybe it's something about her personality that I think makes her attractive.

Submitted by Chilly on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 5:08pm.

*Lohans. Irrelevant

Submitted by sarah990 on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 4:46pm.

Mother of the year right there

Submitted by Sexecution on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 4:32pm.

What color is the sky on planet Lohan, cuz it sure isn't blue. Dina denied forever that Lindsay had mental, drug and alcohol problems that ultimately led to the destruction of her money makers ability to work. Now her skeletal, very homely "model" child is having a growth spurt? Why wouldn't you get her to a doctor, and not a plastic surgeon who is needle happy. For God's sake, it looks like the only way to survive in that family is to be born male. It's all very sad but oddly funny to witness.

Submitted by Bossy on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 4:19pm.

"If Dina thought for one moment that Ali was suffering from an eating disorder, or feeling the pressure to be thin, she would terminate Ali's modeling contract, and get her the necessary help."

Yeah, just like she watched out for Lindsay, uh-huh.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 4:12pm.

Yes let the denials begin. Dina is hopeless at this point...Ali you're going to be the one to save yourself. Just go and marry some rich old guy and be happy!

Submitted by babybunny on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 3:57pm.

as I read WO's tea leaves or in her case the dried up coke spoon...I see Ali dead from anorexia, Hohan finally locked up, and this mess passed out in the shrubs again in the back of TGI Fridays...this bitch and her denial...my mom would have killed me if I got that skinny..this bitch puts all her kids on the ho stroll the only value they are to her is a check for more coke and booze and bad plastic surgery...PImp Mamma Kris has competition in the no class, hard core ho'ing, and living in denial arean for sho!!

Submitted by chasing windmills on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 3:03pm.

Submitted by SpiceDong on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:33pm.
Submitted by Darknight on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:15pm.

Idea for a new reality show, survival of the worst mother, WO vs Kris Jenner vs Kate Gosslin. Fight to the death. Mother Kombat!!

------------
In honour of this brilliant catch title this week I will be shouting Mother Kombat whenever I get angry. Sure beats my all time fav,
mother fc**r. Thanks. You inspire me to be a better person than say, White Oprah. A gal has got to aim high around this place.

Submitted by chasing windmills on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 2:57pm.

Oh, I am sure White Oprah would be all over Bulimic Lohan, just like she was hawk eye with Alcohol Lohan.

She only has one more boy she can whore out or are there more Lohans barbies and kens to be tossed into the fire?

Submitted by TheBreakdown on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 2:44pm.

This whole family needs to gather themselves up in a motel room and re-enact the Jonestown Massacre.

***************************************
Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 1:20pm.

Of course she doesn't think there's anything strange about Ali lately. This woman is pure narcissism and delusion. I hope the one sane Lohan child (isn't there a boy that they never talk about?) is way the hell away from the rest of his ilk by now.

_______________________________________________

"Fuck that guy for thinking anyone and everyone should want to do Glee."

- Dave Grohl

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 1:17pm.

Athina, Wendy Williams is beautiful?

EEK. I run for remote whenever I see that Tranny on my tv!

************************************************
But he's been pretty much yellow, and I've been kind of blue
But all I can see is red, red red red red now
What am I gonna do?

Submitted by Athina on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 1:15pm.

Submitted by EdDallas on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 2:31pm.

White Oprah is going to be on Wendy Williams tonight on BET to respond to Ali Trashcan's fucked up face. Check you local listings!!!!

------------------------------

I absolutely love Wendy Williams. She's beautiful, honest, funny and current on all the gossip without ever being mean. I really hope she continues to be successful.

Submitted by EdDallas on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 1:28pm.

Wendy is awesome! She nailed Kate on her bullshit! Like, "Now that your show has been cancelled, have you found a job?".

And, "How does it feel to be unemployed like so many Americans?.

Submitted by EdDallas on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 1:06pm.

And.....Wendy showed the old pic of Kate and asked her to tell her all of the plastic surgery she has had. Kate's face went cuntface! She says she only had a tummy tuck. Nothing else. Just exercise!

Submitted by EdDallas on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 1:01pm.

White Oprah is going to be on Wendy Williams tonight on BET to respond to Ali Trashcan's fucked up face. Check you local listings!!!!

Kate Goslin was last night.

And to top off this pile of shit, she has Charlie Sheen on next Monday.

Guess Wendy Is winning!

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:23pm.

But.Seriously.Folks. -- Ali has only modeled for Blohan's leggings line, but that was at least a good year ago or so. As far as modeling for anything now, I haven't heard of anything. And if she does model, it will be as ludicrous as that ugly Rumer Willis modeling for Badgley Mischka.

Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:07pm.

Who exactly has Ali Lohan modeled for? Anybody can label themselves a model these days, prostitutes, groupies, strippers...

In other words, SHOW ME THE RECEIPTS!!

Submitted by sinjin on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:04pm.

Submitted by Hekki: Have we stopped to consider that WO has a case of Munchausen's-By-Proxy? She didn't succeed in finishing Lindsay off, because Linds is tough like a cockroach.
_________________________________________________
LMAO, I almost choked on my lunch! :-D

***********************************************
"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)

Submitted by Defined1 on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:59am.

Poor Ali. All fucked up before her eighteenth birthday. You finally look better than your girls, Dina.

----------------------------------------------------

It's not that serious.

Submitted by Haribo on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:54am.

No wonder WO has nothing to say about ali's face. She's probably pissed they fucked it up.
Getting awful plastic surgery is now called growth spurt. How creative of you, WO!

'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'

Submitted by Athina on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:46am.

I can't wait for Michael Lohan's coked-up meth-headed commentary on this miss. He'll call Dina out for lying and declare that Ali needs to go into rehab for plastic surgery addiction and anorexia. Oh yeah, this shit is gonna get really good.

Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:46am.

Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:47pm.

Courtney Stodden HAS to be doing some kind of erotic Mad Libs she found in an adult store. Her twats (tweeters? twitters?) have that same zany, the-words-don't-quite mesh quality as the ones we used to do in the car on vacations when I was a kid.
_________________________________________

LOL! It does sound like that. None of her adjectives fit the noun "dusky dress", "exotic errands", etc.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:38am.

Twat Muffin, I saw that! Kim K says in her baby voice, "we have to talk" to her hater. I WISH I knew about this show before they taped her episode!

I would have asked "Why do you pretend you haven't had any plastic surgery? Do you think I am blind?" "Why do you act so prim and proper when the whole world has seen you get fucked in the ass?" "Why did you wear white to your SECOND wedding?"

Just for starters!

************************************************
But he's been pretty much yellow, and I've been kind of blue
But all I can see is red, red red red red now
What am I gonna do?

Submitted by FilthyBitch on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:31am.

I just realized who it is I think Ali looks like now - PETE BURNS!!!

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"I've got a strong stomach and no standards to speak of" - MK 2/5/11

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:30am.

SpiceDong -- LardASSian signed up for the show. I'd love to be on the show -- I'd confront fucking ugly, smelly Blohan; I'd probably have to be held back from trying to beat her nasty ass. It premieres next Wednesday, 7pm CST.

Submitted by A.cotw on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:26am.

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:30pm.
Has WO ever considered grooming her kids for an actual job

______________________
Mickey, it seems that neither of her daughters has a high school education. There is no evidence that they went to school past 8th grade, or were tutored at home. WO probably taught them to mix cocktails for her, but nothing else!

Ali Lohan is just pitiful,though not for her looks before or after cosmetic surgery. She has never had a stable home,and probably has no idea what a well-ordered life is.

Submitted by guest on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:22am.

Imo eventually Ali would've grown into her old face but now that shit is fucked up. Possibly irreparably & hopefully this doesn't turn all Karen Carpenter.

******************

Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by SpiceDong on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:21am.

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:40pm.

SpiceDong -- don't you know there's a reality show coming on this fall, hosted by fucking annoying Mario fucking Lopez, and it's about real people confronting celebs they claim to hate -- it's called "H8ERS" or something like that, I kid you not.
-------------------------------------------------

For real? I'll have to look into that so I can watch...although confronting doesn't sound as satisfying as the down right beat down some of them truly deserve. I wonder which 4-tier celebs will sign up for that...probably none of the truly hateful ones.

"So if u don't like 'the difficult brown'.. Don't apply" - Sinead O'Connor

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:21am.

Yes Dina, it's perfectly healthy, for an already thin teenager, to drop what looks like 15 pounds, in a month.

PERFECTLY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!.

Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:20am.

"CourtneyStodden Courtney Stodden
Smoothly pulling up a desirable-dusky-dress..."
________________________

? Does she mean "musky" dress? How about "crusty" dress? Does she even know the meaning of any of these adjectives? Sweet fuck.

Such TREASURES!

<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)

Submitted by Chirio on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:20am.

LOL *head explodes* off to do some exotic spreadsheets and cases.

on topic...yeah WO keep on lyin' you dumb ass

Coma Caca!
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Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:18am.

I was gonna mention the leg too but I thought it must be an optical illusion!

****************************
"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:17am.

Chiri - OMFG.

WTF is that. Is that bitch on quualudes? I mean, seriously, I just don't get it.

Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:17am.

**************************************
Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma

Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:17am.

Chiri; NO WAY! you are making those up!

****************************
"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11

Submitted by Oxygen on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:17am.

Submitted by Mother Superior on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:41pm.
In case no one saw it......ermm.....her leg?!?! WTF?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I SEE TOOOO....but I'm hoping it's another part of her hideous costume.

Submitted by Anonymous101 on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:17am.

"If Dina thought for one moment that Ali was suffering from an eating disorder, or feeling the pressure to be thin, she would terminate Ali's modeling contract, and get her the necessary help."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

** sigh **

Also, RE: Kris Jenner, IIRC, her youngest daughters are also attending regular school. I think that's thanks to Bruce though; once PMK snags off the last shred of his balls that he has left, I think it'll be bue-bye to school and any resemblence of a normal life those girls have left, IMHO.

_______________________________________________

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the

Submitted by perky on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:16am.

I was one of those teenagers who was nothing but a beanpole and I can assure you my cheeks were NEVER sunken in. A kid can be skinny without looking emaciated. Wake up DINA!! Your daughter has a problem!!

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:15am.

IS IT LUNCH TIME YET????????????

UGH! I'z starving!

Submitted by Chirio on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:14am.

For Snowy:

CourtneyStodden Courtney Stodden
As the day concludes... I salaciously caress the key that seductively unlocks nothing else... but the powerful pleasure... of the night. ;-)
11 hours ago

CourtneyStodden Courtney Stodden
Smoothly pulling up a desirable-dusky-dress as it seamlessly slips over my curvaceous body elegantly. Mmm... Ready to run my exotic errands!
22 hours ago

WTF are EXOTIC ERRANDS???!!! ahahahahaha the hellz

Coma Caca!
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Submitted by Twat Muffin on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:12am.

SpiceDong -- I just saw a commercial for the show I mentioned; it's called "H8R" and premieres this week on the CW.