Anderson Cooper finally heard my possibly-restraining-order-violating pleas for him to rip off that stupid grey t-shirt and show us that freshly shaven silver fox body that is so damn white that he probably needs a black light and a magnifying glass to clean up his cum shots (wink wink).
During the second episode of the most popular and highest rated show (in my head), that piece of trash Snook proved that Ewoks can get along with other species by taking The Silver Fox to get spray tanned. And that’s when wet dreams were realized and the cotton mouth in my no-no was cured. We finally got MAH BOO NIPPLES. Oh, how I wish I could shapeshift into fake tanner drops.
And just as I was starting to dive in eyes first and try to forget Snooki was there by picturing her as a tiny Chilean man instead of a Herp wart marinated in pickle juice that mutated on a tanning bed, my mom turns to me and says: “I’m gonna leave you two alone.”
Note to self: Never watch The Mah Boo Show with my mom again.
(Thanks to everybody who sent this in)