To remind those skinny simpleton hos (see: SJP, Olivia Munn, Jordin Sparks, the boy version of The Shining Twins, etc…) that nothing dims their shine like her megawatt titties, Christina Hendricks employed a trio of midgets with step stools to push up her massive mammary mounds up to the lord’s nose and into a dress made of carbon thread so that she could shimmy shimmy coco puff on the red carpet at last night’s NYC premiere of I Don’t Know How She Does It (said every training bra tramp when staring at the duo of back breakers on Christina’s chest).
You know, Christina’s titty game never gets old to me. Never. Every time my eyeballs jump across them I see something new. Sometimes I see two Swedish bossy bottoms doing ass to ass with a double-sided dildo and this time I see a double-amputee CoCo trying to 69 with Christina. She’s got the Rorschach test of tits!
Even Matthew Broderick doesn’t know what to do with himself since all of the oxygen is being sucked up by Christina’s nipples and he can feel THEM CHICHIS closing in on his face. It’s like he’s trying to sing showtunes in his head to keep himself from falling into a full-on chichis-induced breakdown. “Cliiiimb ev’reeeeee mountain – Oh, shit I can’t do that one. The hiiiiiiills are aaaaaahlive – Fuck, not that one either. Beeeeeaaaaauty and the breeeeeeeeeassssts – SHIT!” It’s okay, Matthew, just think of them as two Swedish bossy bottoms doing ass to ass and everything will be alright.
Here’s more hos who tried to outshine Christina’s magnificent chichis last night but failed. In order: Olivia Munn, Greg Kinnear, Jordin Sparks, SJP, Matthew Broderick, twin toddlers in fucking satin and JACKIE COLLINS!