After God showed us he existed by getting the executives at TLC to put Kate Plus 8 to bed forever, Jon Gosselin shimmied out of his douche cave to say that now is the time for Kate Gosselin to get a real job like he did and stop pushing their chirruns in front of the camera for a check. That was also the day that God showed us he existed by getting Jon Gosselin to make a sense! However, peroxide, a too-tight weave and a camera light on her face 24/7 has fried the part of Kate’s brain that operates reason and she no longer knows what a real job is. When you ask Kate to get a real job, she says the same shit my abuelita would tell the border guards after they asked to see her papers: NO SE? US Citizen.
During an interview on Today this morning, Matt Lauer brought up Jon’s advice and Kate the Kunt responded by basically saying that anybody who works a real job is a loser who doesn’t care if they raise loser kids:
“Well, it’s a situation where Jon may be accepting of mediocre for his kids and working a regular job. I want the best for my kids and the best opportunities not unlike every parent. I think that to be a good parent is to work as hard as you can and give them the best opportunities in life, and this has provided that.
I think at this point, the best opportunity for all of us would be me continuing on TV as a way to provide for my kids. Something that’s exciting and challenging for me has been TV, and I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”
Translation: “I want the best for ME ME ME ME ME including a credit card from Bisou Bisou, weekly Juvederm appointments, monthly weave appointments with Beyonce’s weavemaster’s cousin and a team of nannies so that I can spend as little time with my money makers as possible and don’t have to hear them call me by my stage name of ‘mom‘ off camera. I want all of this with minimal effort. If doing so, completely damages all of my children and makes them run away from home as soon as they’re old enough to throw their bodies into the car of a runaway train, then YAY! More money and free party time for me!
I think at this point, the best opportunity for ME would be ME continuing on TV or any other kind of job where I don’t have to wear a company ID. PLEASE! SOMEBODY GIVE ME A TV SHOW! I can’t go back to buying off the rack at Dress Barn and wearing clip-on hair from Sally’s. PLEASE!!!!!”