FUCK YES, THE SEQUEL: Serena Williams Is Not The One
Serena Williams took me up, up and away and forced me to worship her as the Grand Asshole Queen of the Court when a priceless "I Will Shove This Ball Down Your Froat" rage rant came shooting out of her soul at the US Open in 2009 and during yesterday's women's final match she gave us the sequel we've all been waiting for. It all started when the words "COME ON!" came out of Serena's mouth at the ball she served to her Samantha Stosur during the first game of the second set. The umpire Eva Asderaki turned on the bitch in Serena when she penalized her with a code violation, giving Samantha the point and the game. And when she turned on Serena's bitch, she turned on my dreams!
Now, the Serena of 2009 would've taken that "COME ON!" ball and threatened to tea bag rape the umpire with it. But the Serena of today is more grown up and understated. So, Serena let her entitled cunt gene simmer a bit before later serving Eva the kind of Mean Girls monologue Suri gives to Stepford Katie when she brings her the wrong high heels from the shoe closet. Gawker transcribed the beautiful aria that would only be true if Serena said it to a mirror:
"If you ever see me walking down the hall, look the other way, because you're out of control... You're totally out of control, you're a hater, and you're unattractive inside. Who would do such a thing? And I never complain. Wow... We're in America last I checked. Can I get a water or am I gonna get violated for a water? Really, don't even look at me! I promise you, don't look at me, 'cause I am not the one. Don't look my way."
Serene (typo that's only meant to be read with your sarcasm filter on), of course, lost that shit to Samantha and refused to shake hands with Umpire Eva at the end of the game. Afterward, Umpire Eva went home, sat back in the tall chair (yes, they even sit on those tall chairs at home) at her tall dinner table with a glass of red wine and tucked herself in with the image of mad as hell Serena trying to cool off her charbroiled asshole by fanning it in the air:
Yeah, Serena should just project her ass twerkin' video onto her forehead and nobody will ever look her way and everybody will keep their eyes focused on the sidewalk cracks when they pass her in the hallway. But Serena still gets the game point from me. Bitch used "not the one" this year, which means next year she'll definitely pull out "I've got your number, hussy." YESSSSS! This is some roid rage I can agree with.
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she looks like a man and an ugly one at that.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 5:42pm.
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cheers! makes sense that it's "not the one to fuck with".
Submitted by RichBitch on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 5:23pm.
Can someone explain "not the one" to me please. What does it actually mean and where does it come from?
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RB - I don't know the origin of the expression (but I have a feeling MK has been using it for years because if you try to search it on dlisted it's mentioned in stories from years ago), but I think "not the one" is a shortened version of saying "not the one to fuck with", or something along those lines. If anyone else can shed further light on the expression, I would appreciate it too.
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And pharmaceuticals were invented for me and Liza Minelli. ©2011 BjorkYou.
Can someone explain "not the one" to me please. What does it actually mean and where does it come from?
What she said was nothing compared to what came out of prissy princess R.Fed's mouth back in 2009.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZB9JfhzLzE
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Well then, a self hating "half n halfer" at that. I think there's nothing in this world nastier than a self hating Black person. Fron Original putas at whamo.
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@original putas.
I hope your a PURE WHITE HISPANiC one dropping someone because if youre not then you really need to shut the fuck up because the white brother hood ain't letting your ass in either. Ooooops I Forgot: they wont let your ass in anyway PURE WHItE OR NOT SP!
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Beyonce is just as much ghetto trash as her sister, she just knows how to hide it better.
Barbado Slim 2008
And you are NOT the winner either, Serena. Hahahahaha!
"Not the one" was not invented by MK, guys. It's been around a long time, longer than Serena's spoiled antics.
And please. She ain't got nothing on Ilie Nastase.
Sick of this ugly-ass ape-butt-looking self-important trick ho. Wish she'd disappear like Venus.
"Not the one"? She reads Dlisted? If she does I'll cut her a pass, otherwise bitch has the arse of a shetland pony.
She can stop taking the hormones now and revert to what she really is.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
Why does Roddick get away with it more? Because he's a GUY.
'Not the one' has been around for close to 15 years or more. I don't hear people using it much more other than here. Back in the 90s I heard it all the time.
"Serena is the most naturally gifted female player probably of all time"
Gifted? Yes. Of all time? I'm going to have to respectfully disagree.
Sarah Smile
All I can say about that video is EWWWWWWWWWWW!
Heh heh. No big deal. Maybe that's because when I was a kid I'd see John McEnroe throw bigger hissy fits so this seems fairly tame.
But I do like how she says "You're unattractive...on the INSIDE." Ha, well at least she didn't make fun of her looks. But what I hate is you know this is gonna bring out the tired old "can't take the ghetto out of the girl!!1!" shtick from people.
I_amNicki on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 1:21pm.
@Hekki,
I don't see Michael K. posting a rant from any other tennis player, so you can see that the standards from the media are completely different.
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You've completely missed the humor/point in this post. MK did NOT post this story about Serena because she had an outburst, he posted it because of the "I'm not the one" reference, which is an ongoing joke among Dlisters. There is no conspiracy here against Serena Williams, at least not on Dlisted.
I'm a big tennis fan and this is another example of why I love Venus and hate Serena. Serena is the most naturally gifted female player probably of all time but she has a bad attitude and to be honest is pretty lazy. She wants to do her stupid fashion line instead of training and so she freaks out when she doesn't win. Venus on the other hand is much more even tempered and clearly works a lot harder
Is anyone actually surprised?
"She is from Comptoon (typo and it stays), isn't she?"
Yes, Venus and Serena learned to play tennis on the courts of Compton. I remember when they first started on the tour, their dad would talk about them playing while bullets were flying past them.
Serena always does seem Serene and actually a little awkward whenever I see her make guest appearances on tv...so i'm actually surprised that she has a history of being a megacunt. Oh well. She is from Comptoon (typo and it stays), isn't she?
"I make myself sick, get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure grown up nerd."
-Fatlip (The Pharcyde)
@Hekki,
You're acting like this is the first outburst in the entire game of tennis. It's funny, because you probably wouldn't be saying this otherwise. I don't see Michael K. posting a rant from any other tennis player, so you can see that the standards from the media are completely different.
NOBODY twerks like the pizza guy from There's Something About Mary!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tlm_1LIbKOs
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YOU AIN'T GOT NO MONEY!!!! MOVE THE FUCK ON!
~But.Seriously.Folks
"One afternoon the Williams sisters came in with their dad. The sisters were sweet and kind of quiet, but the dad was such a fucking asshole, it wasn't even funny. Arrogant as hell, he ordered people around for 2 hours and almost got one guy fired for daring to ask the sisters for a photograph."
Hmmm, very interesting. What I find funny about Serena's "outburst" is that it says a lot about tennis protocol. She's so quiet and mannered about it, but it's considered some huge tantrum.
Sarah Smile
In college I was working at a locally, very well known Miami store that sold high end Wave Runners and other types of recreational water crafts. One afternoon the Williams sisters came in with their dad. The sisters were sweet and kind of quiet, but the dad was such a fucking asshole, it wasn't even funny. Arrogant as hell, he ordered people around for 2 hours and almost got one guy fired for daring to ask the sisters for a photograph.
Can't be bothered suffering second-hand embarrassment from watching this, but what is this "not the one" shit about?
LOL about "not the one". I was using that term to describe my daughter's teacher, who is an old nun: "She seems all warm and huggy, but even the kids know she is NOT THE ONE."
I was kind of testing it out, and everyone seemed to know what I meant. Mr. Hekki, my daughter and a couple other moms figured it out from context alone.
Isn't that awesome? Also, I have seen (and said) "fuckery" in a few places.
Roid rage.
There's no conspiracy against the Williams sisters. Please. They're compelling, have a great shtick, and they've been media darlings since they hit the scene.
But behavior like that is just assholery. I'd call it the same if it was a white man or Asian woman or extraterrestrial. It's not classy. Especially in tennis, where good sportsmanship and manners are an integral part of the game.
Agreed. Ana Ivanovic grew up in a literal war zone, and she remains the epitome of grace in tennis. The Williams sisters also palled around with disgraced former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Besides, they're pretty dull players - they were so much more powerful than the other women on the tour that they used to be able to win without much strategy. Well, those days are over, and the game is better for it.
And Roddick yells at people CONSTANTLY, to the point where
he won't let that ish go, but the reporters and crowd support
him and go along with him, and call his outbursts "justified."
It sucks that in America whenever the William sisters play
in their own country, the crowd will cheer for the OPPONENT.
That never happens for Roddick, or any other American player.
It's bullshit. Yes Serena shouldn't have let that out that outburst
and let the lines woman effect her that way, but the American
media is always against the sisters, and even the crowd never
truly supports them like they should.
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey - goodbye!
Can't stand the Williams sisters. They are entitled brats. I love the "Isn't this America" argument. Being in America doesn't mean you don't have to follow rules, genius.
HA. Roid rage is right. She scary.
She-Hulk is not attractive to me. At. All.
Someone is a sore loser.
Wow! I can't believe she vented like that! Girl, has an attitude problem! I love the reaction of the commentators, lol.
Still don't know "nalgas" or "half and half"
nalgas is spanish for butt/behind/buttocks.
half and half - as I believe it was referenced in another post - meant the child of one parent who is black and the other who is white
Submitted by snowball on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 10:39am.
Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 10:05am.
I have some questions because I never know what the cool shit means:
The only "not the one" line I know comes from To Wong Foo - is that where it's coming from?
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*cries like a drunky drunk*
All that Wiki-work!
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What? FFS (that means for fucks sake!) don't confuse a middle aged mid western housewife anymore that she already is!
Still don't know "nalgas" or "half and half" - although now am wondering if that means both oral and vag intercourse...
I'll get it right, eventually.
(thank you Provy)
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Dark-sided!
Serena isn't the ONLY tennis player who behaves like this. Surprising hers is highlighted more than others - I wonder why? ;)
Maria Sharapova can swear at crowds, the umpire and it is "cute"
Well then, a self hating "half n halfer" at that. I think there's nothing in this world nastier than a self hating Black person. And I also think there's nothing sexier than a big, fat, jiggly, black ass. I don't mean BBW ass. I mean a fit, thick, tight, Black woman, with an ass that just goes POW! Kim Kardasshian tried to pay for hers. But she needs to have a seat. Fail! Serena's ass is enviable, but not for the faint of heart darling. Clearly you're not man (or woman) enough for the job.
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Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 9:56am.
Sorry but "Dark side of the Moon" comes to mind when I see that second vid and there is no way in hell Ima gonna press play to see that fucking thing warping around.
Nothing more unappealing than a big giant black nasty ass...this coming from a half n halfer so relax!
STFU and retire, you're old (don't enter any booty shakin' contests either).
hahaha I was wondering why Serena was going off! Me and my friends were switching between football and the US Open yesterday. I dont follow tennis but thats dumb you cant yell out during the match?! Is that why she makes those grunting noises
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
Have they changed the rules, cuz that does seem a bit harsh, penalty-wise?
McEnroe used to be able to spray the spectators with an Uzi and not get penalized.
Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 10:05am.
I have some questions because I never know what the cool shit means:
The only "not the one" line I know comes from To Wong Foo - is that where it's coming from?
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*cries like a drunky drunk*
All that Wiki-work!
Submitted by vegaschick on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 9:50am.
Yep Serena williams is a grade A cunt, she is all "girly barbie" voice at press conference talking about jewellery, her favourite designers, her new fashion designs for nike, her favourite dildo... but when she is losing on court.
the hulk is released.
the bitch was losing, she got steam rolled in that game, and she should just accept it, many of her opponents who lost to her have.
at least now, serena can have an excuse like, "i didnt lose that match, the umpire gave it to samantha" even though it was 1 point, serena will make out that the umpire handed the ENTIRE 2 sets to samantha.
also if you watched the longer video, you see Venus closing her eyes and doing the big sigh "oh no Serena not again".
i cant stand Serena williams and that slut horn mouth but church mouse in bed whore Maria Sharapova.
Yeah, she's not the one, alright. Hasn't been for a long time, either. It's tough getting old, isn't it, Serena? But go ahead and scapegoat the umpire, because that's classy, just like you.
Bitch is OVAH.
Um... get a grip Serena.
BTW, EVERYONE should stop with the technological nudity, really now, how gauche.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 8:15am.
It could be 'roid rage.
Hemorrhoids?
Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 10:05am.
What is "fupa"
F.U.P.A
Fat Upper Pussy Area
You got everything else right.
Tennis is my favorite individual sport and although I WILL state that Serena is a potential GOAT because of her achievements, her humility on court will probably deter her from that title. Her sister Venus has been a far better and gracious champion and is considered one of the classiest players on the tour, on and off the court. I am really sick of her fucking flare-ups on court. Plus, she needs a new weave because that shit is whack!
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Serena seems like she is trying to reel it in a little with some mumbo jumbo gobbledy-gook double-talk but clearly she is threatening the umpire with physical violence if they ever meet off the tennis court.
I don't even know her and have never done anything to her but if I were ever to walk past Serena Williams ANYWHERE you can be sure I would keep my eyes on the ground like a little bitch.
Did I ever tell you about the time I came nose to nose with O.J.?